Photo: Flickr

It is rare that this happens, but everything about this story of a mother outing herself for being the loudest fucker in all of Brooklyn is an absolute joy.

If you live in an apartment building, a dorm room, or any otherwise shared domestic arrangement, chances are you’ve heard some people fucking. If you lived in this one apartment building in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, chances are you heard someone fucking with such passionate vigor that you were compelled to lodge noise complaints with 311. Now, two years after the initial complaint, the loud fucker has been brought to light.

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Olga Valerio, 49, revealed herself to the New York Post as the source of the noise, participating in “carnal cacophony” with—the best part, really—the building’s “handyman,” a 26-year-old named Byron Perez. The sounds of their lovemaking were so loud that neighbors reportedly “complained a half-dozen times alone in a three-month period.” To be fair to Valerio and her hot young piece, that’s not really that many times to complain about anything—it’s two times a month on average, if you assume that all the other times they were fucking were quieter, more reverential and with less grunting. Why did everyone hear this? Why were they compelled to call 311? Valerio and Perez used to do it with the window open during their “wee-hour whoopie,” allowing the mellifluous sounds of their passion to carry out into the summer night.

Valerio felt compelled to come clean because at the time of DNA Info’s initial report about the complaints, various media outlets were pinning the source on her daughter, 31-year-old Dahiana. Let us be clear— Dahiana was not the source of the loud fucking, it was her mom. I’m sure Dahiana is thrilled about this. Congratulations Dahiana, you’re finally free!