As one of the Nervous Ones, there is a cloud of fear-causing things floating in my brain and coating each and every neuron with a fine mist of anxiety at all times. Some of the culprits, like death, are persistent. Others, like whatever disease is currently making news with hyperbolic headlines, come and go on an hourly basis.

Below is a list of things that currently scare me, as of 4:00 pm today.


20. An EMP or gamma burst that destroys our electrical grid. Do I have a go bag? Do I need a go bag? How long would a go bag even keep me alive, anyway.


19. Being struck by a falling air conditioner.


18. Have I been eating too much candy lately? Am I getting a cavity?


17. An unforeseen(?) economic crash.


16. My apartment burning down.


15. My apartment being robbed.


14. Being pushed onto the subway tracks.


13. Fainting from heatstroke on a subway platform.


12. How am I going to watch the Republican debate on Fox News next week without cable?


11. When was the last time I had a full body mole check? Last year or the year before?


10. Antibiotic-resistant superbugs.


9. Oh my god how am I ever going to retire?


8. The moment in my life when I’m inevitably diagnosed with heart disease.


7. My rent check getting lost in the mail and causing me to pay a late fee.


6. Being hit by a car.


5. The death of a friend or family member.


4. This weird feeling in my esophagus that I’ve had since lunch. I had a smoothie (which is sort of unlike me), and that whole general area has felt a little unpleasant ever since. It’s probably nothing but what if it’s something, you know?


3. Does the theater where I’m seeing Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation tonight have bedbugs?


2. Nothingness.


1. Legionnaires’ disease.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Image via 20th Century Fox.