These Animals Need to Check Their Tiny Animal Hat Privilege

Quick precursor to the rant that follows: I am usually pro-adorable animals in cute hats. It’s funny because adorable animals don’t normally wear cute hats. You know, that’s the joke. But this? This has brought me to the edge. I can no longer condone the animal+hat formula of cuteness. I solemnly renounce my former fondness for such “awwwww!” inducing tomfoolery.

Iheartneedlework is one of those classic Etsy stores that combines two things so Etsy that you can’t even begin to comprehend the Etsy-ness of them combined. It offers “custom hats and costumes for cats, dogs, and guinea pigs.” Of course. This is a perfectly reasonable way to make some cash, and the woman who creates these hats is a damn good knitter. Girl, your tiny pet hats are small masterpieces.

So why am I so mad? This cat, dog, and guinea pig get more love and attention than the majority of children in this world. They have more clothing options than me, probably, and I eat Chobani sometimes. I need to check my greek yogurt privilege, I admit. But these animals and their moderately priced hats have got to check their hat privilige, too. They are the 1% of not only the pet world, but the ACTUAL world. The entire world, you guys. I pray that in the next life, I will be this guinea pig wearing a “magical guinea pig wizard’s hat,” because that guinea pig leads a life of opulence the majority of the world can only dream of.