I feel relaxed even looking at that corporate logo! Lululemon, a brand of exercise wear notorious for attracting an extremely centered and meditative clientele, is selling $108 Practice Patience Mala Beads to "help focus the mind and set a mantra or intention in meditation, inspiring us to practice patience and #givepresence every day."

(#GivePresence appears to be a social media campaign to get people to pay less attention to social media, emblematizing perfectly the doublethink required to drop a hundo on beads.)

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"Legend has it," says the Fabric & Features section of the purchase page, "these white howlite beads help us stay patient and overcome self-criticism." Yes! When your restless mind is like, "Bitch, do you really need a $108 meditation necklace," the beads themselves will tell you the answer. "Be patient," the beads will whisper. "I shall make myself useful to you in time."

Here are some excerpts from the reviews. From a sarcastic kindred spirit who liked the "beads, logo, price" and adds "logo could be much bigger, could be more expensive to keep poors away":

I have been searching high and low for a unique strand of mala beads that had a corporate logo on them! These will be a hit at Mommy & Me Meditation tonight. Namaste!

The next review is entitled: "Cried."

I bought the mala beads to help my compassion and my work out spirit. I was so excited. I wore them to the gym, but all of my work out buddies laughed at me.

I don't feel the spirit. This did not help my life. $100 wasted plus the boxes of tissues I had to buy. The tassle even fell off, which was my favourite part.

"I don't feel the spirit. This did not help my life" as a universal review for literally anything a person can buy, except for Smartwool socks in winter.

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Another reviewer gives the meditation necklace 5 out of 5 stars, writing, "I think if you have an issue with the price point, simply don't buy it as there are other malas out there for less money, but no need to bring in any negativity around it."

Yet another person argues with these ever-present invisible detractors: "I am very happy with my purchase. These are beautiful, quality beads. You can use them for meditation or just a wonderful piece of jewelry. Namaste yogis. And remember no judgment ..."

Remember.................... no judgment.................. *side-eyes you while clutching my Mala beads*

Well, for a piece of jewelry intended to bring peacefulness, that price point really feels like it's getting in the way. It's almost like $108 meditation beads are an inherently silly idea! But I'll defer to this reviewer, emphasis my own:

Let's not pass any judgement on LLL or people that prefer to meditate with more of an exquisite collections. Not sure if the parallel is appropriate, but why some people buy diamond encrusted crosses while others are content with wooden ones?

How about the ones that are against this item just don't buy it and whoever needs to meditate, meditates with whichever works for them.

Why some people buy DIAMOND ENCRUSTED crosses while others are content with WOODEN ones?

The wealth gap, Becky?

(Who would buy a diamond-encrusted cross anyway?)

Another reviewer starts off her review by saying, "First, let me say, people today love being offended. I think it's a symptom of social media and the feeling of self importance it enables." She adds, "I've had the good fortune to go to Bali multiples times and I can tell you this is exactly what you'd find there." She left off the #blessed. I'll add it for her. #BLESSED!

The last review on the Practice Patience Mala Beads Purchase Page:

I love them...they are beautiful and I feel very zen when I wear and use them. They calm me down and help me focus on the moment. A tad pricy but love, love them. Not sure why the other reviews are so negative. They must not be using their beads for the intended use. Peace and Love :)

Appended to this is an absolute gem of a comment:

#GivePresence, namaste.