The Secret to Understanding What Your Cat Is Trying to Tell You, Maybe

Ever wonder what your cat is actually trying to communicate to you when they do those crazy, funny “cat things” like roll around on their back or jump on your head like it’s a live grenade while you’re trying to take a nap?

This video posted on Catster (AKA THE GREATEST CAT NEWS-RELATED BLOG OF ALL TIME), offers some interesting insight into what your cat is trying to convey. Most of these won’t come as a surprise to hardcore cat overlord worshipers (they teach cat body language in the re-education camps cat owners are forced to attend when they are perceived to be lacking in their duties.)

I appreciate this attempt to decipher cat body language, but I rely on my own translations that were smuggled out of the Cat Overlord base command compound and decoded by a highly elite team of code breakers:

Cat flicks its tail—I despise the pitiful gravel receptacle you forged for me to use as a restroom, therefor I have left my waste in a pair of your shoes. Don’t worry—they aren’t ones you wear all the time, so you won’t immediately notice. Just when you’re going out to a special occasion or when you start to wonder where the smell is coming from.
Cat rolls on back—You are an asshole and the only reason I have not clawed your eyes out and left you to bleed to death is because I enjoy mocking you and your buffoonery to all the other cats in the neighborhood.
Cat lifts its ears—I swear to GOD, if you buy that cheap, crappy food again I will “accidentally” trip you on the basement stairs.
Cat rubs its body on your legs—SOON ALL OF YOUR HUMAN KINGDOMS WILL BE MINE.