The Rihanna Rihport: RIHINSTATED RIHNSTAGRAM EDITION! AHH!

Rihanna quit Instagram in May. The Rihanna Rihport is where we try to copeXCEPT WE DON’T HAVE TO BECAUSE RIH IS BACKONINSTAGRAMMMMMMMM!!

Dateline: Rihanna, November 7—The world erupted in flames this week as the recording artist and model known as Robyn Rihanna Fenty rejoined the social media site Instagram, reactivating the @badgalriri account and garnering coverage across the world, including Time, Business Insider, Johannesburg Sunday World, Irish Independent, Tech Times, Jamaica Observer, New Pittsburgh Courier, The Examiner, Tech Times, and CNN.

Because FREAKING DOYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY! Rihanna’s rih-instated ‘gram sitch is the greatest thing that has happened to us since her niece Majesty was born! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S TRUE! Since returning her precious face and captions to our favorite online social media site she has simply DAZZLED us with pictures and THE FUNNIEST BON MOTS, only the BON MOTSIEST OF THE BON MOTS, because she is RIHANNA, QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE AND INTERNETTTTTTTT!

Of course, she also had a whole host of news to share with us, you and me, loyal Navyites: she is in not one but TWO magazine covers at this very point in time, and she simply HAD to share the photo shoots with us because even Rih has days when she feels like she is looking particularly good even though she looks amazing at all times in our HOs!

OF COURSE, though, IMMEDIATELY some corporations tried to make MONEY off Rihanna (NOT FOR SALE!) and her Instagram, CO-OPTING her IMAGE and COOLNESS. You guys, Rihanna works for NO ONE but HERSELF. DO NOT EVEN TRY TO GET IT TWISTED! Even though corporations elbowing each other to get a “piece” of the Rihanna pie is GROSS, though, this InstaNECKLACE is kind of a good idea. KIND OF!

Okay so, the first cover and the one that is causing MAJE DRAMA around the internet and prudes because Rihzus is nakedish in the photos and people are forgetting that DUH WE ALL HAVE ALREADY SEEN THIS RIHPLE and also HI IT’S JUST A BODY WE ALL HAVE THEM DOY, is Esquire UK. Rih proves that she can wear anything and even a pair of tighty whities and a Sunday boyfriend t-shirt from the bottom of the pile and be EX-QUIS-ITTEEEEE!

Some of the people are mad because the photographs were taken in a shower and at first we were mad too because Our Precious Rihanna deserves a fancy photo shoot with nice velvety couches and cookies and other comfort things fit for a queen, not a stupid stinky shower that is probably cold and might cause her feet to get nippy! OUCH! But then we read the captions and saw that Rihanna was excited about having to take photographs in the shower. IF IT MAKES RIHANNA HAPPY, IT MAKES US HAPPY!

The pictures were taken by a photographer called Ellen von Unworth, a woman who is cool and photographs other women, and Rihanna seemed to be having a FUN time! Also for the story, she shared some of her RECIPES which is TO. DIE. FOR., because the Rihanna mac and cheese is the stuff of LEGEND and now we are finally allowed to make it for ourselves, just like Rihanna had made it for us! And for all the love of everything that is good and blessed, the SECRET to the “Mac a Rih’s” is that she MESSED UP the recipe one time and found out that the MISTAKE made her dish EVEN MORE DELICIOUS! So many inventions have happened that by accident like penicillin and bubble gum—we should have known that brilliant Riri would invent something like this, too!

So the OTHER cover that OG khaleesi Rihanna FENTY is on was Elle, for December, which BY THE WAY, don’t you think these magazine covers mean that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE her NEW ALBUM will come out sometime soon? EEEP! Of course, what self-respecting magazine would NOT want to put Riri on their covers EVERY ISSUE, and probably they have a SUPER HARD time NOT doing that, but of course imagine all the magazine fighting that would happen if everyone was featuring Rihanna at the SAME TIME! The Elle interview was also gorgeous but a little more “FIT FOR A QUEEN” as they say, than the Esquire UK photography because Elle is fancier and has to make content that is relatable for the rich people. But RIHANNA proved again that she can look good in ANYTHING!

Okay BUT it is important that we remember right now that Rihanna is SO MUCH MORE than an internationally popular singing artiste and a pretty face. And ONE WAY to remember that is to know that it was just announced that she is putting on a GALA called the DIAMOND BALL in order to benefit her charity, the Clara Lionel Foundation, which helps children around the world with healthcare and ARTS! So she is going to play a concert with an orchestra and she will also have all her friends come over and give money to help the children, because her FACE is what you see everyday but her HEART is the most important thing she has got! As if to prove it, she said in a statement:

“One of the greatest benefits of my job was being able to start the Clara Lionel Foundation in honor of my grandparents. There is truly nothing I’m more proud of and we’ve just gotten started. I’m excited to continue my work and thrilled to be able to host the Diamond Ball – a night that promises to be elegant and inspirational.”

She tells us we’re all diamonds (in her song “Diamond,” duh!) but it’s the purveyor of the DIAMOND BALL who is the TRUE DIAMOND!

ALSO!!! SPEAKING OF HER GRANDPARENTS! It was Rihanna’s granddad’s birthday this week!!! He turned 86, so his beloved granddaughter, Rihanna, took him out for a party at Philippe Chow—in NEW YORK CITY!!!

Birthday cake cake cake cake cake cake!!!

OKAY, but that’s not even the BIGGEST news of the week. The BIGGEST news is that actually, yesterday Kanye West and his wife Kim Kardashian stepped out in New York City. Which, who cares EXCEPT that according to the paparazzi photos the place that they STEPPED OUT to was a STUDIO where RIHANNA was RE

COR

DINNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

AMIRITE?!?!

The internet does not say whether or not they stayed a long time or a very short amount of time but we also know that it does NOT take Kanye West that long to record his music because he is a genius of everything so MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, he was recording WITH HER?!?!?! COULD IT BE TRUE? PLEASE ANGELS AND DEITIES D’FENTY, LET IT BE TRUE?!