The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Last night, the Metropolitan Museum of Art and Vogue threw the annual spring gala, celebrating the Costume Institute's exhibition, "PUNK: Chaos to Couture." It was a fashion freakshow, complete with crazy couture, deranged hair and mad makeup. If you're ready to see celebrities go over the fucking top, you've come to the right place.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Let's just get this out of the way: Kim and Kanye were there. Her dress is fine. Does it have matching gloves or is it just a giant onesie? No matter. Not great, but springy and flattering. The planet will continue to spin. Just breathe.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Doing the classic, traditional tux: Christoph Walz, Andy Cohen, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Handsome, all around.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Très slick: Sebastian Stan, Miguel, Eddie Redmayne.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Trying to funk it up: Zachary Quinto, Tyson Beckford, Hamish Bowles (check the safety pins and nail polish!) and Psy.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Complimentary couples: Tommy and Dee Hilfiger, Hilaria and Alec Baldwin, Pharell Williams and Helen Lasichanh.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Sharper than a punk kid's razor blade necklace: Gerard Butler; Alexander Skarsgard and Italo Zucchelli.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

So even though the show is punk, it wasn't actually a requirement to dress like Sid Vicious. While some folks scrambled to find studded shit, Anna Wintour and daughter Bee just went for elegant New York spring gala. Snicker.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Some people managed to combine light, fresh spring looks with punk. Rooney Mara, for instance.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

And Nicole Richie. Love the shocking grey: Half Marie Antoinette, half Miss Havisham.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Sienna Miller also tried to to do a springy white version of punk — slinky gown with studded MC jacket and studs in her hair — but she looks like an uptown lady who raided her teenage son's closet.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Gwen Stefani is all, psssh, I've been doing this so long I barely even have to try.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

For some, heavy eyeliner = punk. Case in point: Emmy Rossum.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

But perhaps most epic of all, when it comes to springtime punk: Sarah Jessica Parker, in a Philip Treacy mohawk headdress. The gown is Giles Deacon.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

More soft and light: Hailee Steinfeld, all safety-pinned up, but in a girly way. (It's Donna Karan Atelier.)

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Katie Holmes ignored the punk theme and aimed for angelic Joey Potter celebrity realness.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

White with black: Kylie Minogue, Leelee Sobieski, Tiger Woods and Lindsay Vonn.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Straight-up glam: Heidi Klum.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Linda Evangelista is pretty sure Empress Josephine was a hardcore band.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Julianne Hough was the 80s prom queen sneaking off to see Adam and the Ants. (This dress is Topshop, btw!)

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Bella Heathcote opted for delicate lace.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

There's something kind of Gatsby about Karlie Kloss's look.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

More light or bright white: Rita Ora

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Olivia Wilde (with Jason Sudekis)…

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Dylan Lauren, Marion Cotillard (actually in peach and pink) and Fabiola Baracasa.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Zooey Deschanel ditched her bangs and wore seersucker — the sole nod to punk the safety pin on her clutch.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Where else do Chelsea Clinton, Lily Cole and Vivienne Westwood rub elbows?

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

I don't know what the fuck Karolina Kurkova is wearing but she manages to be intimidating nevertheless.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Shimmery metallics were also a big theme last night; feeling the heavy metal by way of Medival Rome: Giovanna Battaglia.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Mary-Kate Olsen went in a similar direction, looking like a character on The Borgias.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Also feeling like rock royalty: Katy Perry in Dolce & Gabbana.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Golden punk rock Joan of Arc: Ginnifer Goodwin.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

More shine: Elizabeth Banks, Hilary Rhoda, Giuliana Rancic.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Muted metallics: Claire Danes (with Hugh Dancy); Aubrey Plaza; Stacy Kiebler.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Positively reflective: Lauren Santo Domingo, Karen Elson, Sofia Coppola (with a dotty Marc Jacobs), Constance Jablonski.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Are gilded butterflies on Saharan cheetah punk? It's unclear. But this is one of the best looks of the entire night. Meow, Coco Rocha.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Plenty of guests embraced bright color. Sunshine and gold for Joely Richardson, Lily Aldridge (with Caleb Followill from Kings of Leon), Hanneli Mustaparta, Lisa Maria Falcone.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Electric yellow on Elettra Rossellini Wiedemann.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Looking like Steve Nicks rolled through a field of goldenrod and saffron: Ashley Olsen.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Green is good: Kate Upton, Ivanka Trump, Uma Thurman.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Teaching Simon Doonan a thing or two: Solange.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Ladies sing the blues: Jessica Paré

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Cameron Diaz

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Nicki Minaj.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Minka Kelly went all boysenberry.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Eh, Kate Bosworth, whatever.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Violet femmes: Kerry Washington, Mindy Kaling (with BJ Novak), Naomie Harris.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Patterns: Leslie Mann, Nora Zehetner, Stella McCartney (the underside of her dress matched Alasdhair Willis' jacket!)

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Elle Fanning (in Rodarte) is 70s; Maggie Q is 90s; Morgan Saylor is thrilled.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

More brights! Taking things literally: Hedge fund manager Julie Macklowe.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

A pretty princess, as usual: Gwyneth Paltrow.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Channelling an '80s-era Pat Benetar: Anja Rubik (with Anthony Vaccarello).

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Red, classy, not too exciting: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ziyi Zhang, LaLa Anthony.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Teresa Palmer, Julie Chen, Peggy Siegal.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Elegant dress, edgy accessories: Kate Beckinsale.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Slink, personified: Amber Heard.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Should we be happy or sad that Kristen Stewart left her Chucks at home?

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Sweet and spiky: Kate Mara.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Tarted up in tartan: Christina Ricci.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Showing the kids how to fucking do it properly: Her Madgesty Queen Madonna. GOBOSH.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Here's where things start to get darker. Michelle Dockery, Christopher Kane and Stella Tennant, Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Kirsten Dunst in the role of mysterious coquette.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Brooklyn Decker has looked better.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Punk rock blood bleeds all up and down Paloma Faith in the best possible way.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

For someone so Vogue and so Gossip Girl, Blake Lively plays it pretty safe/boring.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Allison Williams takes a risk, looks mildly ridiculous while doing so.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

A+ for Chanel Iman, Eve, Felicity Jones.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Working it like the rent is due tomorrow: Doutzen Kroes (with Olivier Theyskens).

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Various iterations of basic black: Carine Roitfeld went playful; Jennifer Lawrence just dressed like her Dior ad, Chloe Sevigny does a Grey Gardens Misshapes thing.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Acceptable but nothing to write home about: Alicia Keys, Pixie Geldof, Renee Zellweger.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Black on black times two: Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, Jamie Campbell Bower and Lily Collins, Donna Karan and Calvin Klein.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Once again, with feeling: Lauren Bush Lauren and David Lauren; Amar'e and Alexis Stoudmire; Joan Smalls and Tom Ford.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

"Maybe I'll just do something with my eyes" — Emily Blunt. (With your ex-boyfriend John Krasinski.)

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Black, but neither basic nor boring: Alexa Chung, Ashley Greene, Jessica Hart, Carolyn Murphy.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Legends in their own time: Zandra Rhodes, Diane Von Furstenberg (with Barry Diller), Debbie Harry (with Chris Stein).

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Of these three, the last is the best: Jessica Alba, Thalia, Tabitha Simmons.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

It's pretty punk to make the world your gynecologist, says Gisele Bundchen (with Tom Brady).

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Just the tip: Diane Kruger (with Pacey Witter.)

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Ladies and gentlemen, Miley Cyrus. Are you loving it or loathing it?

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Right at home in this milieu: Kelly Osbourne.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Amanda Seyfried looks fabulous, dramatic, with a hint of goth.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Showing some skin: Dakota Fanning.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Ummm… Good effort, January Jones?

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Fauxhawk and lace look great on Jennifer Morrison.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Even though the mullet dress is usally a big old mess, somehow it works — with a cool headband and apropos clutch — on Michelle Williams.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Attitude is everything for Greta Gerwig, Fran Lebowitz and Jamie King.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Net leggings and minimal makeup are kind of meh on Jessica Biel.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

With a killer figure and a purse that can maim, Miranda Kerr has the right idea.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

One earring! Bare midriff! Emma Watson leaves Hermione in the dust.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Form-fitting and pseudo-nude, what a shock, Jennifer Lopez.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Donatella Versace is completely comfortable with where chaos meets couture, and the fact that it can be painful.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

A smokey eye and a studded dress are pretty perfect for Cara Delevingne.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Blonde befeathered, showing sideboob: Anne Hathaway channels Brigitte Nielsen circa 1987.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

One of my favorites of the night: Witchy fringe on Florence Welch like Siouxsie Sioux goes to the Oscars.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Carey Mulligan: Simple, perfect, simply perfect.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Looking absolutely sublime: Taylor Swift in J. Mendel.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Kudos to Nina Dobrev for figuring out how to stand out instead of blending in, while looking comfortable and gorgeous.

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

The Good, the Bad, the Fucked-Up and the Insanely Ugly of the Met Gala

Of course, the queen of the night — with a perfectly-timed entrance (late) so that she had the red carpet to herself — was Beyoncé. Maybe it's not the best dress (Givenchy, tyvm), or the most flattering, or even punk. But it does make you go WELL DAMN. IT'S OVER. SHUT IT DOWN.

Images via Getty and AP.