The Best Advice on How to Get a Trophy Wife

Trophy wives and the men that seek them are not particularly beloved by society. The women who strive for the title are considered without substance, in possession of only good looks that have a limited shelf life. The men who strive to have them aren't judged much more kindly, due to their shallow desires and presumed tendency to then "trade in" these women for "younger models" — you know, like cars or cattle put to slaughter. What they both do have is something that the other wants; the woman has the youth and beauty and the man has the wealth and power. What is to be done, however, when you're the man and you're missing that part where you actually have something to offer?

In a forum on Quora, an unnamed, presumed gentleman wondered just that:

The Best Advice on How to Get a Trophy Wife

Good question! It's pretty easy to get a hot young wife if you're rich, but what are the best strategies if you just think you deserve one because you live on earth and and possess male genitalia?

Some people decided to help this dude out. Like Craig Clark of Washington DC, who responded with a whole 21 ways you could find someone to share your bed with – and not all were facetious. Clark's suggestions ranged from the passive:

"Follow[ing] the lead from all of the yesteryear Ted Dansons, present-day George Clooneys, and tomorrow Peter Dinklages, by simply...doing...nothing. Such beautiful people typically reveal in interviews how society initially prevented them from getting dates prior to—and often even following—their superstar status. So if you wait for the next wave of societal change, trophy wives will increasingly be within your grasp."

To something more proactive:

"Find a beautiful mail-order bride online from a developing country like Thailand where 3 cents is equivalent to their dollar. From her perspective, she will bask in what she considers your current lavish lifestyle."

He also suggested a few other creative options:

"Get into the porn industry no-money-down; but typically requires a penis. Align yourself with attractive reality stars and other lesser-tier celebrities wishing tomake a faux-sex tape, and then sell it to a distributor. With the notoriety, financial gains, and odds in your favor, one of them is bound to use this same sort of discretion in considering you an ideal husband."

Alternatively, Anthony Recenello – his website describes him as dating coach who tries to teach "men how to not be creepy" – used almost 2,000 words to expound on this important issue, specifically orating about how trophy wives shouldn't be hated or pitied because they're the ones that truly know what's up:

"Lifestyle Attracts Lifestyle
Trophy wives do it right. And I want to take after them. Why? Because they are smart. Their biggest secret is they make it seem to a man as if they just showed up in the right place at the right time. But nothing could be further from the truth. Everything about their lifestyle is calculated down to the toenail. We shouldn’t look down upon these highly efficient women known as 'trophy wives,' we should learn from them; because they do dating right."

Other suggestions from responders to our anonymous "ugly and poor" new friend include using the Internet, "Start with finding a soul" and not trying this.

Of course, there's always this last resort option that proved to be very popular among Quora users:

The Best Advice on How to Get a Trophy Wife

Image via Larry Busacca/Getty.