Teen Boys Reek of Cologne and Teen Girls Can't Stand It

To all the high school aged boys out there reading Jezebel (a.k.a Michael Jennings in Akron, Ohio): It’s time for you to lay off the scents. I know Axe and Old Spice are telling you that you have to lay it on thick to be cool and datable, but they are lying. These colognes do not make you more appealing. They actually make you smell like that (admittedly very nice) guy who once tried to sell me a TV out of the back of a truck.

A recent study — actually commissioned by Old Spice — found that 83% of teen girls think their male peers are over-applying body spray. The other 17% were either confused and didn’t know “smelling good” meant or had lost their noses to Krokodil addiction. YES, IT’S AN EPIDEMIC.

Teen boys reported that their main reason for slathering on body spray like butter on a burn was that they worried about their cologne wearing off throughout the day. Rest assured, boys (Michael Jennings of Akron, Ohio) — a single spritz is more than enough to overwhelm our delicate lady senses and remind us of the time we almost got roofied at that nightclub in Italy back in 2008. Odor is the strongest trigger of memory, you know!