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englishbreakfasttasteslikedarjeeling
09/20/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
my least favorite form of pda is def those freakin same-siders (definition: couples who sit on the same side of the table at restaurants). as a server, believe me, we talk about you. i just feel like youre afraid the other is going to run away or something and you need to keep each other blocked in. idk.

second least favorite form of pda: anything that josh and anna do on 18 kids and counting. same thing, they are ALWAYS locked in a death grip, even while eating. it freaks me out.
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Armed with Vitriol
09/20/09

@englishbreakfasttasteslikedarj...: My boyfriend and I sit on the same side of the table everywhere we go. I can assure you that it's not because we are afraid the other one wants to run away. It's because we like being close to one another. I can also assure you that I don't give a damn if waiters talk about us or not. =)
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CerebralMagpie
09/20/09

@Cherry Blossom Girl: Significant Otter and I did that the other night at dinner, not because we're all psycho about losing each other, but because we'd had a hard week, hadn't seen much of each other, and needed a friendly shoulder to lean on.
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Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
Hey, Oprah can criticize when I start seeing her play grab-ass with Stedman. Wait. Is Stedman still in the picture? I always thought he was something of a corny, mustachio'd, mannequin anyway.
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DontFearTheReaper
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
hey, If you want to shove your tongue down your partners throat in public, it's your business but, don't complain when someone tells you to take that shit to a hotel room or your house.
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Dinkenesh
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
My personal favorite form of PDA: hands in each other's back pockets during a casual stroll through the park/mall. Always a good choice.
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rixatrix
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I think PDA or lack of PDA is okay with one stipulation: anything that shows love is alright. Anything with overt sexual overtones is better left for privacy.

So kisses, even if they're not just quick little pecks, are alright as long as it's not deep-throat probing with over-the-sweater action. I think there's something sweet about a couple in love, enjoying the reverie they find with one another, even in public. Young, old, whatever. There's something nice about seeing people who still have that affectionate connection. It warms my cynical, cold heart.
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mama_t
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I'm fine until couples who are ALONE sit on the same side of the booth at a restaurant. That makes me insane.

But people kissing in public - I don't really care. I always imagine that they are reuniting after a while or having to be apart for a while. I just make up some sort of back story to make it romantic.
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willwriteforfood
09/19/09

@mama_t: My bf always threatens to do that when we sit in a booth and I always send him to the opposite side. Sitting on the same side is obnoxious. it's like showing off how in love you are, but for the benefit of others, not each other.
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Jeenzy
09/19/09

@mama_t: Actually, my boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for about three years now, and we only get a couple days together here and there, so we get a little crazy and need to be in constant physical contact with each other. So when we go to a restaurant, we'll generally sit opposite each other, but sometimes we just need all the contact we can get. If it sounds ridiculous, it is, but so is our stupid long distance situation, so we make do with what we get. :)
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K.H.
09/19/09

@willwriteforfood: I had no idea that people saw a couple sitting next to one another in a booth as obnoxious. My bf and I have been doing that nearly every time that we have gone out to eat since our second or third date. For us, it has nothing to do with showing off to other, but rather just that we can hold hands and talk quietly without others hearing.
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LikeChai
09/20/09

@mama_t: Uh oh, that's obnoxious? My partner refuses to sit opposite me, always next to, possibly for stealthy tickle attacks.

Why does it bother you so much?

Now I'm going to watch out for people glaring at us everytime we eat out!
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Shiya
09/20/09

@willwriteforfood: My bf and I do this, and it's not for anyone's benefit but our own. We like being with each other and snuggling, and aren't about to separate ourselves across a table for the benefit of others, not each other.

PS: We've been dating for about two and a half years, and still do this.
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LovelyHue
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I have a friend who always has MASSIVE PDA with her boyfriend. To the point where I don't want to hang out with her when he comes along, because if, say, the three of us are in a booth at a dinner having a normal conversation, they'll just randomly start teasing each other and making out. And I'm sitting there like the biggest third wheel in the world, wondering how I can avoid visible discomfort so that I don't look like a prude. (Before anyone asks, I am not a third wheel, because it was my friend who actually invited me to the diner in the first place.)

PDA in general doesn't bother me too much, but when it's of the showy variety - like my friend - the person is screaming in body language: "LOOK AT ME, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD." And I just feel like okay, I get that. Don't worry about it so much.
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rah29
09/20/09

@LovelyHue: I have friends who do this too. A lot of us are coupled off so it's not uncommon for us all to be watching a movie, three or four 'couples' together. But they're the only two who are like, on each other's laps, his hand under her top, whispering constantly to each other. They've become less obnoxious lately, but they still whisper and it drives me batshit crazy. It's usually about stupid stuff too, things you could talk about in a normal voice, except they whisper in teeny tiny little baby voices to each other. It's just rude and makes people feel unwelcome (others have often asked 'do you want us all to leave?'). And neither of them is at all like that in any other area of life. I actually avoid hanging out with them unless my bf is there too so we can roll our eyes at each other and make gagging motions when the PDA couple aren't looking, which is a real shame because individually both the guy and the girl are among my very closest friends.
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JilliefromChile
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
Depends on the situation. I'm generally lenient towards teenagers because where else do they have to go? Also people in clubs and bars. Drunken make outs and grinding are what such places are for. Outside of that I tend to look down on people that go beyond quick kisses in public.

This is somewhat unrelated but I do get annoyed though about the gay/straight double standard for PDA. I'm with a man at the moment and love holding hands, quick kisses, hugging etc, and people don't bat an eyelash. If I were to do such things with a lady people would think it attention-seeking.
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inabook
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I am ok with limited PDA-- in public, a brief kiss is fine, handholding and linked arms is fine, whatever. On the T, I'm ok with people holding hands, leaning on each other, doing the thigh touch--just no making out, humping, hand jobs, or sex, please. At friends' gatherings, things on the border of making out are fine, and people sitting on each other are fine.

Personally, I try really, really hard to keep PDA to a minimum, but its REALLY hard. I like to be touching my boyfriend pretty much constantly-- we hold hands, link arms, touch each other's legs/knees on the T, sneak short kisses, and embrace. It's really hard, and unlike some people's guesses below, its not that I feel like I have something to prove, or get off on exhibition-- we just really, really like touching each other. I'm madly in love with him, every moment makes me happy, and we can't get enough of each other. Remembering people are there is what stops us.
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BiteMeMitchell!
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I'm really disappointed with the number of people makimg comments along the lines of "people who make out in public are just trying to prove something". How do you know what their motives are? It may make you uncomfortable, and that's fair enough, but sometimes a couple just wants to have a kiss, y'know? They're probably not trying to prove anything to you. I doubt they're even aware that you're looking. I'm single at the minute but I'm very affectionate in general, with boyfriends when I have one, with friends, with my parents, whoever. Believe me, if I want to give my bfs upper thigh a little squeeze in a public place (God forbid!), I am really not doing so with anyone else's reaction in mind.
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swashbuckling
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
The Oprah incident would have made me awkward too. That's so odd to tell a couple to kiss just to have them prove to your satisfaction that they're 'real'.

PDA makes me uncomfortable, both to watch and to do myself. (Ironically, I quite enjoy porn.)

It doesn't mean anything to me because PDA is not an accurate gauge of a relationship's strength. Paying attention to others' PDA (as it relates to the underlying relationship) is a sign of insecurity, I think.
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pssshwhatever
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I can sympathize with Mariah & Nick here. I don't really care if other people have PDAs, but I'm not one to do it myself. Ever. I don't really even like holding hands in public. I'm plenty affectionate behind closed doors (or when drunk), but it just seems like something I don't need to show the rest of the world. I live enough of my life in front of other people (I'm a professional blogger, so...ya know), why can't I just keep that stuff for me and whoever I'm with? I can only imagine that that is magnified a million times with people that are actually famous.
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boxspelunker
09/19/09

@pssshwhatever: Yep. I don't hold hands or kiss or anything in public. No one needs to even know that I'm dating said person. We know we're dating and that we're really quite affectionate when no one else is around (which is fairly often).
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rah29
09/20/09

@boxspelunker: Same here. I'm unbelievably cuddly when it's just the two of us alone in the house, but in public people usually don't realise we're dating. Actually some people have occasionally thought we were brother and sister, which is kind of creepy in a funny way (we've been together a long time so we are very easy around each other). As far as I'm concerned our relationship is just between us, it's not for public consumption.
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LaComtesse
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
I judge couples by their public displays of being on talk shows...
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ampersandparade
09/19/09

@LaComtesse: Burn, BURN!
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Pennyfeather
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
Yes, I DO judge people's PDAs. One of my best friends and her boyfriend, for example, need to get it hell under control or they're being cut out all future invites. It's really just SO gross, and when they show up together, they have no real concern or use for the rest of us anyway, so why even come?

MEMO: Leave the constant upper-thigh-stroking and eskimo-kissing at home, couples of the world.
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Jan74
09/19/09

@Pennyfeather: I agree with you. In my mind, the only PDAs that are acceptable are a little smack on the lips when you greet your SO, and hand holding/placing head on shoulders. Everything else just elicits "get a room".
No tongue in public, ever. And no leg touching, ew.
Yes, I'm a big prude.
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Kirkat
09/19/09

@Jan74: What about cuddling? Like on sofas at pubs and such? Not ignoring everyone else, but just having an arm around someone else. That's pretty much as much affection as I'd show in public. Not lying horizontal on the sofas on top of each other like some friends of mine...
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boxspelunker
09/19/09

@Pennyfeather: DIE UPPER-THIGH-STROKING
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Jan74
09/21/09

@Kirkat: Yeah any kind of hugging PDA is cool cause it is non-sexual.
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MalinaMango
09/19/09

In reply to Do You Judge People By Their Public Displays Of Affection?
When I was depressed and insecure and single, I was half-convinced that PDAs were done to mock me and the fact that I would never find love or happiness.

So now that I'm in a happy long-term relationship, I don't like really like PDAs because I don't want to make depressed passersby feel bad. This isn't to say that I never kiss in public, but in the back of my mind I always worry about it.
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