Wonkette - Jezebel

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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina)
08/21/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Awww, they disabled her blog...

Well, it's a good thing that Google cached it, and it's the first result that shows up when you google her name. And I mean good so that next time she takes time to get her facts straight before writing an op-ed like this. Geez.

[74.125.47.132]
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Dictator for Life
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
I just looked at facebook before reading this article, and I saw an old classmate had posted this: "You know it just occurred to me that the saying "Lefty loosey, righty tighty" also describes philosophies of government spending." I thought I was dumbfounded by her stupidity, but this townhall chick has rendered me completely speechless. BTW, can anyone give me a good retort for this facebook "friend?"
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Rosaxé
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Someone should point out to these people that the Nazis killed Communists besides Jews. (And homosexuals and Roma). But then again their heads might explode.

PS: I saw an awesome shirt yesterday that said "Slow thinkers move to the right."
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whynotshesaid
08/21/09

@Rosaxé: My mom bought me this shirt. I love to wear it to the gym and watch middle-aged men's heads explode.
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kristinab
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
you know, obama must be a hell of a multi tasker. i don't know any one else who could go to an ivy league law school to study the constitutional while simultaneously being schooled in anti-americanism; spend his waking ours believing in communism (which is usually atheist), but pausing on sundays to attend church for twenty years in order to bash the shit out of america with his pastor, and STILL make time to pray five times a day to allah, and on top of all that manage to call forth the forces of satan AND forge a birth certificate AND stage a government take over of our health industry, complete with door-to-door death panels for baby trig and everything! and now he has a voodoo-practicing mother in law to appease and a whorish shorts-wearing wife to subjugate while still making time to moonlight as the antichrist? my god is this man incredible or what.
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dummyfakeroller
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Wait, is Obama facist or a communist? Muslim or Satanist? The guy has so many interests; I hope he can multi-task.
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Lymed
08/20/09

@dummyfakeroller: I think she's using the term "Satanic forces" broadly.
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Mafalda para Presidente
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Quick! Reunite the horcruxes! Voldemort's in the White House practicing witchcraft and planning to take over the...

Oh, wait, for a moment I thought that letter was serious.
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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina)
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Sooo many things to say:
" "Very serious article" and "Townhall" are not two things that go together. That is like Cheetos and spaghetti noodles."
LaToya, what do you have against Cheetos??

"Why are you people so rude? Does anybody take anything seriously anymore?"
Lady, that was Wonkette.com. Never heard of them? It's been on since 2004. Here is the Wikipedia entry: "Taking a sarcastic tone, the site focuses heavily on humorous breaking news, rumors, and the downfall of the powerful. It also deals with serious matters of politics and policy. While liberal in outlook, the site is critical of Republicans, Democrats and Independents." GWAD people, do you research before you "fight" back.

"Don't you know what fate could befall our nation as a result of allowing Satanic forces to gather over the White House?"
This reminds me of a maid that used to come to my house who, after seeing me working on my computer, said that I shouldn't because her minister told her that computers were manipulated by The Beast, which was inside it and all the computers in the world.
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Flackette Goes Retro
08/20/09

@Little Green Frog (Wise Latina): A family in my hometown refused to go to stores that employed bar code scanners, because bar codes were the mark of the Beast and would unleash hell, etc. This was in the 80s. I'm not sure how they dealt with the increasing prevalence of bar codes - I can only imagine they are now living in a compound, off the grid.
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suzannelb
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Kristen, on what planet do you spend most of your time?
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willwriteforfood
08/20/09

@suzannelb: I bet my dining room table could take her in Scrabble.
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hfree
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Latoya, don't ever leave us! You've been great these last couple of weeks.
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Dictator for Life
08/20/09

@hfree: Seriously. I've posted more of Latoya's articles to facebook than I can count. And I even got Jezebel some more readers (one of them male!).
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hausfrau76
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
DO you really have to be a temporary addition to Jezebel? I have really enjoyed you articles and commentary the whole time, but this is my favorite by far! I'm looking forward to reading your novel, but I wish you would stick around.
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Plum-Pie promoted this comment hausfrau76 was starred hausfrau76 was unstarred

Plum-Pie
08/20/09

@hausfrau76: At the risk of being an echo-chamber (and I know you have Racialicious to steer) - more! MORE!
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Edited by Plum-Pie at 08/20/09 6:41 PM Plum-Pie was starred Plum-Pie was unstarred

onestrawplz
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
I hope this Kristen/Kirsten person (too lazy too check the correct spelling of her name, and she really doesn't warrant any respect from me) reads this page and realizes what a dumbass everyone thinks she is.

What's next? The moon landing was a hoax and Lyndon Johnson was behind JFK's assassination? Take off your tinfoil hat, asshole.
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Flackette Goes Retro
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
a) If Obama really were groomed from youth as some kind of Manchurian Candidate, somebody sure had a whole hell of a lot of faith that by the 2000s America would actually elect a black guy.

b) Lots of people have religions differing from those of their family members.

c) I thought good Christians didn't believe in witchcraft and voodoo. Therefore, there is nothing to fear.

d)My dad, although he is a church elder, routinely claims to be a druid. This is just a fun fact.
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Edited by Flackette Goes Retro at 08/20/09 5:20 PM

southernbitch
08/20/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: all of these points are salient, yet you forget the biggest rule in right wing fanstay world, namely, that by some sort of wormhole logic, it is complete possible for two diametrically opposed "facts" to be true at the same time.
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willwriteforfood
08/20/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: To your point A: Well, duh, it's totally plausible that the Democratic and Republican parties, the federal government, the Hawaiian government, the Kenyan government, the Honolulu Advertiser and an 18-year-old single mother got together 47 years ago and came up with this diabolical plan. C'mon, this would be nothing compared to faking dinosaur bones tens of thousands of years old, when we all know God created the earth last Tuesday.
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dj_chick
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
I saw this on Wonkette. I think Kristen should call up Pamela Pilger. They would be the best of (bat-shit-crazy) friends!
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sarrible
08/20/09

@dj_chick: Also the dining room table woman. They're like the Charlie's Angels of kookoo bananas frothing nutbars.
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dj_chick
08/20/09

@sarrible: Yes! They could fight evil together. And by evil, I mean grandmas who look after their grandchildren, Jews (like me!), and liberals. Heaven forbid they come across a liberal Jewish grandma... they'd be in evil-fighting heaven!
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laurasaurus
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
I... what? Are there seriously people out there who think this? I cannot even fathom the idea of legions of people angrily tapping away at their keyboards because Satanic forces are taking over the previously sacred White House. Oh my God.
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laurasaurus
08/20/09

@laurasaurus: To be fair, though, look at her, holding that copy of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. It is true that demons cannot resist the lure of a good cookie, and that voodoo can only be conducted through the worship of a demanding, small, fuzzy animal.
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Muggs Bigglesworth
08/20/09

In reply to [Michelle's Momma] Don't Practice Santeria/ [She] Ain't Got No Crystal Ball
Hey, remember our last president? He lied about shit all the time, got us into an unwinnable war (which he declared over five years ago), turned a national surplus into a record national debt, and is single-handedly responsible for a diminished view of America in the international community.

But no, fuck that, our President's black, let's go get em'!

Sweet Cheebus, people are ridic.
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Gretchen is a new kitten mom! promoted this comment Muggs Bigglesworth was starred

Gretchen is a new kitten mom!
08/20/09

@Muggs Bigglesworth: She seems to be oblivious to the fact that Bush was a member of Skull and Bones while at Yale, which meant he was also offered an invitation to Bohemian Grove. Cheney and Rove are supposedly both really into BG. And she calls that "sent by God"? Idiot.
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Muggs Bigglesworth
08/20/09

@Gretchen is a new kitten mom!: They're all so passionate! Don't take my country away!

And it's like, motherfucker, your "small town" values are talking points on a marketing plan for a discount retail store. Your country was bought and divided up many years ago. It's all racism, and it's really gross to watch.
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