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Is It Time To Retire The Term "Fag Hag?"
New York, 2:01 PM
Thu Nov 12
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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Is It Time To Retire The Term "Fag Hag?" |
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08/18/09
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But yeah, some of my straight women friends definitely exoticize gay men. Then again, I've been fetishized as a bi woman about 8 million times (and as part of a lesbian couple - progressive straight couples are just dying to show you off at their dinner parties!) and I know that it'll die off as we become more visible and befriended as people, not stereotypes.
08/18/09
08/18/09
Plus, we've both encouraged each other to be more politically active and aware in the LGTBQ community. I definitely concur that it's about respect and enjoying being an ally.
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I think some young gay men probably really look for fag hags as part of the media approved gay lifestyle. When they get a little older and more secure, the friendship may not be worth it. I'd rather not be part of anyone's quota system.
08/18/09
08/18/09
I remember my first RA in college made her gay friends one of the "interesting facts about herself" and that about sums it up. It's just as lame as announcing that you have wealthy friends or black friends or lots of guy friends in order to show people how fascinating YOU are.
08/18/09
Are there other lezzie jezzies out there who were/are fag hags?
08/18/09
08/18/09
"It is also worth noting that a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression."
[stuffwhitepeoplelike.com]
08/18/09
08/18/09
Once again proving that Clueless is one of the greatest movies of all time.
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I have to disagree. This may be the blueprint for some gay man/straight woman friendships, and I can see how quickly it would lead to the gay man being treated as an accessory. Honestly, who values their friends for being glamourous, exotic performers. That's offensive.
The biggest reason a lot of straight women gravitate toward gay men as friends is that too often during one's single years, it's challenging to find a friend who is just a friend. Despite the ideal that Sex and the City tried to sell us, friendships among single women are very difficult to maintain, because unless you go through relationships and dating and breakups at the exact same time, or never like the same guy, or are just incredibly self-confident and generous, there's probably going to be some competition/jealousy there. Friendships with straight men, on the other hand, can be made difficult by the sexual politics. Even if you never date or never dated, odds are pretty good that someone is crushing on the other, or did once, and even if not, when one of you starts dating, [i]that[/i] person can put a damper on the friendship.
But straight women and gay men can be understanding, honest cheerleaders for one another during the single/shitty boyfriend/bad breakup phase of their lives. You don't have to worry about crushing on each other, but you'll also never return from a bar bathroom to discover your gay friend flirting with the guy you like. These friendships are often the closest thing adults can get to those pre-pubescent relationships of our childhood -- both less complicated and more intimate than most adult friendships.
08/18/09
It sounds like you've had some really bad luck with female friends.
08/18/09
As for my "bad luck" with female friends... yes, that would be one way of putting it. Sadly, in the last year, I've had several girlfriends behave like the backstabbing high school girls of Heathers or Gossip Girl. I attribute this to a general sense of panic (that I identify with but do not exactly share) over entering one's 30s while still single. My gay male friends have a lot of the same issues -- we talk about feeling left behind or become premature old maids (with a sense of humor, of course). But the main and welcome difference is that my gay friends have never taken out their frustrations with their love lives on me. They don't view themselves in competition with me. Unfortunately, many of my girlfriends apparently do and it's been pretty unpleasant.