Parents Hope Their Sons Are Geniuses and Their Daughters Aren't Fat

Another reason to feel bad for today's little girls: one day, the straight ones will grow up to face a dating selection consisting of doted upon nightmare boys raised by parents who used the power of the internet to validate their sneaking suspicion that their lil' All Star might be a genius. Meanwhile, the girls'… » 1/22/14 4:45pm 1/22/14 4:45pm

Sons Are Leaving Fetal Cells All Up in Their Moms’ Brains, Which May Be…

Children are soooo selfish, aren't they just? They're always leaving shit behind for parents to clean up, shit like gross underwear, dead childhood pets, erotica so well-hidden that they forgot all about it when they moved out, and, according to the latest and greatest scientific research, fetal cells that they… » 9/27/12 10:00am 9/27/12 10:00am

Mitt Romney Celebrates Father’s Day By Pulling One of His Famously…

In yet another desperate attempt to humanize their father, the Romney sons released a Father's Day video in which they detail all of the fun times they had with their dad. Guess what? The good times centered entirely around pranking each other. Oh, and for some mysterious reason also involved him nicknaming one of… » 6/17/12 8:00pm 6/17/12 8:00pm

Mr. Clean Ad Tries to Enlist a Legion of ‘Man Maids’ for Mother’s Day

The first question we might be asking about this terribly misguided ad from Mr. Clean is what sort of weird, Oedipal relationship does a son have with his mother where he dresses like the Brawny towel paper dude's less brawny younger brother in order to clean mom's house? Thankfully, Mr. Clean doesn't want sons to… » 5/11/12 3:35pm 5/11/12 3:35pm

Intimate Mother-Son Bonds Aren’t Nearly as Creepy as Norman Bates Would…

Ever since Oedipus unwittingly carried on with his mom and Freud built an extensive scientific theory around their mythical indiscretions, a cultural stigma has been associated with close mother-son relationships, especially those relationships that continue on well into a disaffected, serial-killing adulthood.… » 4/08/12 6:12pm 4/08/12 6:12pm

Single-Parent Families Give Rise To Successful Spawn • New Bill In…

New research pokes holes » 8/28/08 5:30pm 8/28/08 5:30pm in the old theory that the children of single-parents are more likely to be unsuccessful (Obama and Michael Phelps seemed to turn out just fine!). • The Planning Commission of Clayton, California has that 11-year-old girl's produce stand that , although the town's mayor (who previously called…