Jezebel 
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New York, 4:00 PM
Mon Dec 21
44 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/06/09
12/06/09
Interesting questions get interesting responses :)
12/06/09
12/05/09
So, questions: What are good, interesting things to talk to people about? What have interesting people drawn you in with in the past? If you're good at carrying on conversations with relative strangers, what do you do?
12/05/09
People love to talk about themselves.
(Even the introverts. Sometimes especially the introverts, 'cause they never talk, so no one ever asks.)
And not closed-ended questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no". If you forget and that happens, say "tell me more about that" if it's a guy or a bubbly girl or "would you tell me more about that?" if it seems like a quieter person. If they dead you, excuse yourself and get another martini.
12/06/09
"My sister and I are close, but we only see each other a few times a year. Do you see your siblings often?" Instead of, "How many siblings do you have?"
12/06/09
Who suggested this?
"maybe try to share something about yourself, and ask if the person has anything in common with it"
I don't remember precluding that.
"rather than ask straight questions."
I don't read where I insisted on that.
When I suggested asking questions, I don't recall specifying what kind, or only one kind.
People respond to different kinds of inquiry.
12/07/09
So I was trying to say, if you're going to ask questions, try to also share something about yourself and how that relates to the question. Otherwise you're just putting someone on the spot, and not everyone is comfortable with that.
12/05/09
12/05/09
And you sound like you're enjoying it *just* a little too much. :-)
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
I guess this makes me boring to the third power. Oh well. I have always wondered what boredom would look like in cube-form.
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
Though I think people should also make more of an effort if they are bored. I-m not an entertainer. If I'm bored, I change the subject discreetly though I generally find most topics interesting except most reality shows or cricket. I might talk about the psychological implications of the reality show but I'm not that interested about the show.
12/05/09
Sometimes I sense that I am boring a person who just plain is not contributing to the conversation. This annoys me, since I also find the other person boring for not sharing anything with me.
It makes me feel like I made dinner for somebody and the person complains. Hey, if you don't like my lasagna, make your own goddamn dinner!
Hmmm, yeah, this is annoying, but I usually just exit those conversations.
12/05/09
I went to a bar with my now-sister-in-law for her bachelorette party. I met a guy who had just finished his PhD in political science. He had not learned the art of the two-sentence dissertation. He ended up talking my ear off about it all night. I was upfront about being married; at the end of the night he asked me if I would read it to proof it for publication. FML. I gave him my email, and I guess Sober Poli Sci Guy realized that was a terrible idea and never emailed me.
One other time, I was hanging out with some college friends and their new friends. There was another PhD student there, studying something or other. After 10 minutes of dissertation talk, I excused myself (it was a group), got a drink, and never came back. A few times during the night, I circled back to within earshot, and he was still doing the dissertation talk. Blargh. Maybe the people around him were genuinely interested, but after 2 hours, you could have actually defended your dissertation. Congratulations.
12/05/09
I have at least 5 variation of my dissertation topic in a nutshell for a variety of social situations.
12/05/09
I also have different versions of my research topic reserved for varying levels of background knowledge
12/05/09
No.
Have you ever used Google Earth?
Yes!
That's a GIS! I want to use something like Google Earth to measure various things and work with conservation.
And bam, they get it, and I don't have to explain anything else, and no one really cares about the finer points of spatial distribution of erosion, so I don't rant about terracing. :(
12/05/09
12/05/09
It took me awhile to figure it out, until someone asked me, "Oh, like Google Earth?" and it clicked. Oh, that's how I can explain it without going into too much detail! I felt so free :D
12/06/09
But really, do these people not have families? I discovered as an undergrad that just because they're family and just because they asked "what is it that you're studying at university again?" it doesn't mean they're going to hang on to your every word. Eyes will glaze over regardless of how much grandma loves you.
(this is all somewhat tongue in cheek in case that wasn't clear)
12/06/09
12/06/09
12/06/09
12/06/09
I did my BA in English, and I'm finding this startingly true. I tell people what I'm going to grad school for and they're ecstatic to talk to me.
When I was doing my senior thesis on lesbian themes in Virginia Woolf, they were not so much.
12/06/09
12/06/09
12/08/09
12/09/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
Repulsed, insulted, incensed, put-off, confused - all those thing might apply, but truly bored? Hardly ever. I actually don't mind sitting next to someone who goes on and on about the most obscure subject, or even mainstream subject, as long as they seem truly engaged. I am even one of those devious party guests who enjoys getting people to talk at length about themselves because, well, people say the damndest things when someone actually stops to listen.
I guess I am put off by monotone recitals because I have a hard time focusing after a while - either I have to spice things up by getting the other person so excited about their topic that they get some tonality into their phrasing, or I have to move on. Certain kinds of facial hair on men (the nose-to-collarbone variety, usually) can drive me to distraction if kept in close quarters at a party, but beyond those two specifics, I say, let it all hang out.
I don't care if they tell the truth, I don't care if I tell the truth, I don't mind feigning interest and I don't mind tangents. I go to parties for entertainment and company, and if I can't get the kind of conversation that genuinely interests me, then I can get by just fine on the kind that holds a kind of morbid, "oh, the humanity!" kind of interest.
Call me evil, but listen well, and you will never be considered a party bore.
12/05/09
When I was in college, I was in a long-distance relationship with Now-Mr. Ruthless. When I would go out to parties, I would find an obnoxious guy to talk to. A really self-centered, fratty douchebag. And then I would talk to him (or let him talk about himself) all night. And then at the end of the night, I'd be like, "peace out, homeslice," and he'd ask for my number, and I would tell him I wasn't interested. Sometimes I would call them out on their doucheyness (I had a guy tell me at a NYE party that I was a little fat, but it was OK, because I had HUUUUGE BOOBS. I laughed in his face). I'm sure I got called a bitch a number of times (once to my face, and not by the HUUUUGE BOOBS guy, another one). It was my little version of self-amusement, plus it meant that I was always the opposite of tempted to cheat; I would come home from a party with Loser McGee and be grateful for my boyf.
12/05/09
The worst was the guy who went on for 45 minutes without even asking my name. Though when I got up to leave, he wanted my number. Ooof.
12/05/09
12/06/09
12/06/09
I also know many nice hipsters, so I'm not a hater, right? :D
I'm looking for the right sexist:doucheybro ratio. But how to determine without hours of research? I have to be efficient.
12/05/09
Hell, I've even forgotten how to flirt, because evidently I'm way too busy thinking Deep Thoughts now.
12/05/09
I feel this is especially bad with active researchers and those in academia, because you're so engaged with learning new information about your field, so it takes up all your brain space!
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
I have perfected my "that's so interesting!" face.
12/05/09