Jezebel 
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New York, 11:48 PM
Thu Dec 17
66 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/24/09
When a person takes their own life they are not in a conscious, aware or logical state. If they were they wouldn't do it. Criticizing their decision is akin to scolding someone in a coma for staying in bed all day. When someone has hit that point they are experts at hiding how bad they are actually feeling with jokes, smiles and excuses. In most cases they will go into a phase of euphoria right before taking their life. It seems as if they are "getting over it" when really they just know they won't be suffering anymore.
Loved ones will grieve and try to make sense of it all but the person isn't in their right mind, otherwise they wouldn't do it. It isn't about whining or attention as much as a deep emotional pain only they can truly understand. The best we can all do is identify the problem and make sure the person has access to help and knows how much they are loved. Remind them every day. Annoy them with it if you have to. But, know that sometimes that is never going to be enough to stop that pain.
11/24/09
11/23/09
It's infinitely creepy, how the Internet adds an element of voyeurism when there is a death. It was weird to see all the posts with 20 or so comments leading up her to last with 500+. It was heartbreaking to see the "comment removed by author" notes, knowing that someone close to her was likely monitoring her blog so soon after she died, and having to read even a small amount of people saying horrible things.
I ache to think of her loneliness, thinking of the times when I was pushed to the floor by a pressing fog of depression...the inability to connect and understand and find peace.
11/23/09
11/24/09
And I loved the blog. Daul Kim was intelligent beyond her years and so human. Reading her blog, you felt a sense of connection, and, yes, there was an overwhelming sense that Kim was sad.
Kim was a great person, from what I knew of her through reading her blog and seeing her videos. She was a rarity in the fashion world, a personality larger than her career.
This saddens me so much, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's probably because I looked up to Kim.
Like you, I hope Kim's family gets closure. I also hope that there will be a publication of her blog entries and art; Kim should still live on as an exemplary member of the fashion world and as an amazing person.
11/23/09
So sad for everyone involved.
(And I have to add that Le Parisien is not a gossip paper, it's a daily on Paris news. It's not the Washington Post, but still)
11/23/09
So yes, context is key, but using the context to trivialize comments when they do have such pertinent topics to what has just happened won't help the issue.
11/23/09
HOWEVER, anytime someone discusses taking their own life, regardless of whether or not it is in jest, it should be taken seriously. Joking about suicide is one of the first signs that someone is going to try it. Too many people sweep early warning signs under the rug because they are uncomfortable talking about suicide. The best thing you can do if someone you know or love bring it up (even in jest) is to say, "I know you are joking, but when it comes to suicide I don't feel I can ever be too careful. Do you ever really contemplate suicide?" The worst that can happen is that they say no.
11/23/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
The majority of people who complete suicide have said something to somebody at some point, and the response you suggested is elegant and empathic. The only thing I would add is about mobilizing resources - if someone you know or love talks about suicide, tell their doctor, their parents, their residence adviser or anyone else who can be helpful or reduce risk.
Confidentiality and trust is so important, but suicide is a devastating outcome of mental illness or distress and a huge public health issue. Not everyone who talks about suicide is going to attempt, and talking about it with them doesn't raise their risk of doing so.
11/23/09
Daul Kim did write other posts where she hinted at suicidal thoughts in a much more serious, and concerning way; if those were being quoted as evidence of her mental state, I wouldn't object. (For example, in August of this year, she wrote a post that read, in entirety, "dont people understand / last stages / are / more / calm? // do you really think / im happy ?" And in July of 2008, she wrote this, which is frankly alarming.)
If either of those posts were being circulated as possible warnings that were missed, that would be one thing. But they aren't, because those posts are buried deep in her blog, between re-posted Versace campaigns from the 80s and Madonna songs and ruminations on Klaus Kinski. To find them, you'd have to read.
Far easier for a lazy journo to skip back to the first page of her blog, find a post that references suicide notably un-seriously, and quote selectively.
11/23/09
It is only because of my personal experience (and blindness to early warning signs) that I fell it necessary to state that no matter how tongue in cheek, silly, overblown and jokily someone discusses suicide it is important to remember that they are, in fact, discussing suicide. I am sure (because I trust you) that her entire post was obviously a joke but the fact that she put so much time into crafting a post that was about suicide, suggests that she was at least giving it quite a bit of thought, and in this case, it seems as though it was a warning sign (one that perhaps she didn't even recognize.)
11/23/09
Reminds me of this article:[www.techcrunch.com]
Maybe the internet really is stealing our humanity.
11/23/09
11/20/09
Whatever was eating away at her, may she have found peace.
11/20/09
May you find peace, Daul.
11/19/09
Sometimes, though, someone who's depressed feels like their death is doing a favour to those around them, that they're such a mess and such a burden, such a failure and so forth, that killing themselves is the right thing to do. Sometimes depression lies to you, and tells you people won't miss you, even though they will.
I'm so sad this lovely girl didn't have someone around to tell her that the depression was wrong. Or that even if she did, she was so far gone into the depression that she didn't hear them.
Rest in peace, sweetheart.
11/20/09
11/20/09
11/19/09
Rest in peace, Daul.
11/19/09
11/19/09
[nymag.com]
11/19/09
You're missed Daul. So very missed.