miscarriage - Jezebel

posts about #miscarriage more →
The Tweet Heard Round The World
What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
Not My Cup Of Tea
A Reconsideration Of Penelope Trunk, The Miscarriage-Tweeting Career Advisor
What Was Penelope Trunk Thinking Twittering About Her Miscarriage?
Lesbians Crowned "Best Couple" By Peers • More Details Released In Cat Killer Case
Japanese Students Form "Miscarriage Club" • Virginia Madsen Supports Ski-Jumping
Cop Fail: Couple Investigated For Trying To Cremate Miscarried Fetus
Anonyblogger "Gina" Needs To STFU About Miscarriages
Abortion (Research) Will Be The Death Of Us

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clevernamehere
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
Sex isn't dirty or shameful either, that doesn't mean I want to hear about it at work.

If a woman experiences a miscarriage as a death, I understand bringing it up at work. She may need some time off or a little understanding about her lack of focus.

But Truck was psyched about her miscarriage, which makes it an over share. She tweeted about it on her professional account for the scandal and really can't complain when people get annoyed. #twitter
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sensitivitycop
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
Nothing that is a biological function should be shameful. But as one who has been the moral support of a spouse who has gone though miscarriage 3 times, I can say with authority that it can be an extremely painful and private matter. The author was fortunate to already have two children, but to people who have been unable to conceive, and who have endured the emotional scarring of miscarriages, there is nothing light, or, in the author's case humorously utilitarian, about miscarriage. Had my wife read this tweet I know she would have been confronted with terrible feelings of inadequacy - imagine the feelings of isolation and insecurity a childless woman might feel if she's made to feel that her pain and suffering is nothing more than a casual joke to those who are able to have children. The author has a right to say what she wants - I personally though it was pretty clever, and a fitting sting to the right to life group, but knowing what I know about the emotional pain a miscarriage can cause, the comment should have been saved for private conversation between people who have not suffered because of miscarriage - otherwise it was extremely insensitive. #twitter
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TheExperience
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
I think a lot of the debate here stems from the fact that the Tweet sounds very flip, whether she meant it to or not. Like - "In a board meeting. Had some bad coffee this morning. Can't wait to get out of here." If she wasn't enthusiastic about this pregnancy, then that's her business, but the language chosen and choice of time to discuss her miscarriage is a bit more uncommon. #twitter
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ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@TheExperience: Bingo. #twitter
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applejuice
11/06/09

@TheExperience: I have read that she has Aspergers. I imagine that it affects how she expresses things and how she reads other people. When I read that Tweet I thought "Classic autistic spectrum, she is not understanding how people will socially react to this." #twitter
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applejuice
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
Something that I am not seeing discussed regarding this story is the fact that Trunk has publically said in the past that she has Apergers and that has trouble navigating social "niceties".

My first thought was that maybe she genuinely doesn't realise how other people are going to react to the things she does and maybe doesn't process things in the way others do. #twitter
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ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@applejuice: And yet she gets a public forum. Sigh. #twitter
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Cerridwen
11/06/09

@ihateyourescalade: Are you really saying that people with Asperger's should not be allowed to speak publicly? Please tell me that you are not. #twitter
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ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@Cerridwen: I'm not. I do, however, think too many people who have trouble navigating social niceties (because of Asperger's or more likely just plan old boorishness) have public forums these days. I prefer listening to people who are adept at navigating the social niceties.
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Edited by ihateyourescalade at 11/06/09 7:00 PM ihateyourescalade was starred

NellMood
11/06/09

@ihateyourescalade: I'm still finding your comment troubling, even with the qualification. I don't think you can fairly compare Asperger's with "boorishness." #twitter
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Cerridwen
11/06/09

@ihateyourescalade: But it is different with someone who is willfully ignorant or a jerk being given an undeserved public platform. Someone with Asperger's didn't choose to be born that way and denying them a public voice because they struggle with social niceties is really not ok. #twitter
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StephanieBoland
11/06/09

@ihateyourescalade: I have Asperger's and that comment really stung. I have a lot of interesting things to contribute; I'm lucky in that I'm good at social niceties, but a lot of people with relevant things to say don't. I'd hope that most people would be able to at least sympathize, if not empathize, and make allowance for the left-of-field expression. You're entitled of course to listen to whoever you want, but the implication I read in your comment was 'too many people with those symptoms of Asperger's have a chance to speak to an audience', which is pretty disgusting to my ears. Please do let me know if I've read it wrongly. #twitter
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ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@Cerridwen: I would never deny someone with Asperger's, including the two people with Asperger's whom I know personally, a public voice. I specifically said that in my original response. If somehow I didn't communicate that well, though, apologies. #twitter
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ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@NellMood: I did not intend to equate the two. I was only doing it in reference to the original comment, in which applejuice said that Trunk has described herself as having trouble with social niceties. I was really only lamenting that so many boors (and I do not include those with Asperger's in this category--just regular old people with no manners or tact) seem to get public attention these days. It was not at all meant to condemn anyone with Asperger's. So, I apologize.
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Edited by ihateyourescalade at 11/06/09 7:47 PM ihateyourescalade was starred

ihateyourescalade
11/06/09

@StephanieBoland: You have. I promise. Please see my other responses below. I have two friends with Asperger's and they are two of the most interesting and smartest people I know. In fact, I think they should have a public forum. #twitter
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curiousgeorgiana
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
Of course it's not shameful! My menstrual cycle is not shameful either-- nor is my ear wax, but I don't discuss them in a professional setting. #twitter
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Penny
11/06/09

In reply to The Tweet Heard Round The World
"Too private" is not synonymous to "dirty/evil/shameful." Everyone has different privacy barometers. #twitter
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SUNNY1
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
Judgey Wudgey was a bear.
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ritualtheory
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
I'm late to the game, Kate, but still want to say that you're 57 different varieties of wonderful. Thank you for yet another nuanced and sophisticated post.
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FizzyGood
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
I had a miscarriage about six weeks into a pregnancy I was planning to terminate. I didn't feel relieved. I had nightmares for a year afterwards. I'm not for a second suggesting that people SHOULD feel that way about their own miscarriages, or that there is a right way to feel, I'm just saying that needing or wanting an abortion doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't emotionally affected by the pregnancy, or that you don't grieve your miscarriage/abortion. Of course I'm sure that most people are aware of that but I just thought I'd put it out there because it wasn't really covered in the post.
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delirium.megans
10/07/09

@FizzyGood: I think that a lot of people generally assume that this is how women feel, or should feel.
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rixatrix
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
To me, the uproar is really about two things - how society perceives women as a whole, and how Penelope is doing what she's always done, which is to speak bluntly, question things, share her opinion candidly, and draw attention to herself as a personal branding strategy.

A lot of the arguments seem to be around the idea that some things are best left private - which is great, if you believe that. That's why we all have the choice to keep things to ourselves or to share. Personally, I'm a very private person. But the reality is that we live in a world where people perpetually overshare and it's considered normal, so 1) it's not really fair to call Ms. Trunk out on it when everyone's doing it, and 2) it's not going away just like that.

Penelope Trunk's entire professional reputation is that of a person who commands her own career, takes risks, is bold and promotes herself. I don't really get the "shock" around hearing her talk about her miscarriage - she has made nearly everything else about her life public, and she's done it in such a way that it benefits her. She's built a name for herself as someone who knows about blogging, social media and networking. It's reasonable to assume that if something happens to her personally, she's going to share her experience. And as a result, she's gotten a lot of publicity. Which may or may not be why she wrote what she did - I'm guessing not - but it benefits her either way.

Her recent blog entries also talk about her own experiences with Asperger Syndrome and how she deals with it at work. Here's another topic that has carried a stigma in years past - people who live with Autism Spectrum Disorders have been misunderstood throughout history. Only through opening the dialogue has society begun to understand those people better.

How can we condemn her for speaking out about one thing but not another when it all contributes to creating a greater awareness in the world of people's unique experiences?
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SarahHeartburn
10/07/09

@rixatrix: Maybe it's the medium and not so much the message? Twitter is usually a forum for more frivolous stuff. Maybe something ike this would have created less hoo-ha on a blog post?

And she has Asberger's? That could account for a public reaction that might seem cold or indifferent or glib to others.
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Hazel
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
I'm surprised no one has jumped down her throat for choosing to have three abortions. Where are the abortion-as-bc police? Or am I just blissfully ignoring them?
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delirium.megans
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
i dont agree with Trunk on all levels - I don't think I need to tell my boss I am getting an abortion to take a day or 2 off. That is what "personal days" are for. My health matters are my private matters. But I do applaud her for having the balls to tell the truth and not have any shame in that. I think more women should be vocal about that fact that every abortion or miscarriage is not a traumatic event.
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ekh333000001002003
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
@greengrey, it's not just about her though is it? Pregnancy inherently involved two people and I'm so disappointed that not one person has yet mentioned the fact that perhaps the father would rather not have learned Trunk was expelling their foetus while twittering. Whether he knew or not, the fact that the whole thing has been made so public by Trunk demonstrates a regard for the father of her child as casual as her attitude to birth control. Imagine if you had slept with her in the past six weeks or so and then suddenly her tweet appears on CN fucking N?

Is it feminist to be so self-involved and individualistic, that in her single-minded pursuit to exercise her admittedly perfect right to autonomy over her own body and experiences, a woman neglects to give a shit about other people's feelings, ie. the unsuspecting father of her never-to-be-born child?

I guess caring about and having respect for other people's feelings only applies when a girl calls another girl fat?
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colormeroutine
10/07/09

@ekh333000001002003: First of all, she didn't put her tweet on CNN. Someone else did that. which is ridiculous, because it was in no way newsworth
Second of all, you don't know the father of the child, and thus have no way of knowing if he was ok with her twittering about it, if he gave a shit that she was pregnant in the first place, or if he knew. I don't see how this is relevant.
If his feelings differed from hers, he's welcome to tweet them to his heart's content.
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Hiroine Protagonist
10/07/09

@ekh333000001002003: Troll.
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queenjulie
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
Hey Kathleen, get a load of this: Women even have varied feelings about their children! I had two planned, much-wanted pregnancies. I love both my kids, but one of them was a horrendous baby who screamed for 18 hours a day and slept in 15-minutes increments for eight months. And there were days when I wished I had had an abortion. Yeah, I said it! Not all kids are alike, and neither are all pregnancies.
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whynotshesaid
10/07/09

@queenjulie: Clearly you have no humanity in that lump of muscle that passes for a heart.
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morninggloria
10/07/09

In reply to What About The Miscarriage Penelope Trunk Didn't Tweet?
Can we please extract ourselves from each others' panties and nether regions?
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andBegorrah
10/07/09

@morninggloria: That's not what your mom tweeted last night.
OOOOOHH!
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Lymed
10/07/09

@andBegorrah: Your mom tweets so much she's on one of the new American Apparel Muppet shirts.
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morninggloria
10/07/09

@andBegorrah: Not that you'd know. Your mom doesn't even wear panties.
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greengrey
10/07/09

@morninggloria: No way. Everyone's uterus is my business. And they better feel the same way about their uterus and anything in it that I do.
I'm offended when people aren't the same as me.
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andBegorrah
10/07/09

@Lymed, morninggloria: Your moms' twitters have so few followers, they had you because no one retweeted their planning-to-abort post.
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morninggloria
10/07/09

@greengrey: Why aren't you using my face as your avatar, like you should? Why isn't your handle "GREENGREY AGREES WITH MORNINGGLORIA!"

You're horrible.
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andBegorrah
10/07/09

@greengrey: Your mom's opinions are so up in my business, she needs forceps to tweet them.
(Okay, letting it die now...)
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lilbobbytables
10/07/09

@morninggloria: Why do you hate fun, MoGlo?
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morninggloria
10/07/09

@lilbobbytables is a la-di-da feminist: Because I wish that people cared more about what's going on in my panties. Exciting things, everyone! Exciting things.
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mommy_dearest
10/07/09

@morninggloria: It's "uter-US" not "uter-YOU".
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