missdemeanors
Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. According to these numbnuts,
Samantha Ronson is a "man,"
Paris Hilton's lady bits are toxic waste equivalents, and
Shauna Sand's vagina looks like a "badly packed suitcase." WTF Does that even mean? Check out the usual suspects and their patented brand of maleficent misogyny alongside some fitting punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin!
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dirt bag
- Medic! Daniel Craig sliced his fingertip off while filming the new James Bond movie. Last week he cut his face and needed eight stitches. The man suffers for his art, you guys. [Mirror]
- Did a psychic help Angelina and Brad design a nursery for the twins??? Apparently someone was hired to determine the "vibe" of the unborn bébés. If you believe this crap. [MSNBC]
- One benefit for Angelina Jolie giving birth in France? "Medieval" paparazzi laws. [NY Post]
- R. Kelly told the judge in his child pornography trial that he does not plan to testify. The proceedings are winding down! [Miami Herald]
- Even though Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon didn't have a big celebration, you can totally buy them a wedding present! They're registered at Bergdorf Goodman. [Page Six]
- Lily Allen, Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan had dinner together! Sam's brother produced Lily's album, remember. [Mirror]
- "My sister and Lindsay make a cute couple, don’t they?" — Mark Ronson. [DListed]
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dirt bag
- Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
- You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
- Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
- Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
- Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]
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Breaking!
Amy Winehouse done got herself
locked up again on "suspicion of drugs offences" according to UK tab
the Mirror. This is the fourth time she's been arrested in the past year, and the
second time in the past month. About two weeks ago she was thrown in the pokey for assaulting a man outside a pub. More recently, Winehouse pulled out of recording the theme to the new James Bond movie, reportedly calling the
Mark Ronson-produced track "fucking rubbish." More to come on the beehived and beleaguered singer.[
Mirror]
Loose Lips
Part one of
Tom Cruise's
damage control interview with
Oprah aired today, and this is what Cruise said of the couch-jump seen 'round the world: "Listen I, I feel like definitely things have been misunderstood, and there are things I could have done better...But then there's also that world where you go, 'Oh, it's been spun to such an extent that... that's a truth also.'" Wait, what? •
Mark Ronson and
Amy Winehouse tried to go back into the studio together, but Amy's not really ready to record. "We tried to work for a little bit. I'm not sure she's ready to work on music yet,"
the cutie admitted. •
Britney Spears is on her way to
Kentwood, Louisiana for Jamie Lynn's baby shower. According to a "source," at first Britney's dad thought it was a bad idea, but then "he finally gave in, knowing it'd be good for Brit and Jamie Lynn to finally see each other." [
Us,
Mirror,
Dlisted]
dirt bag
- While Justin Timberlake was working with Madonna on her album, Madge offered JT a B-12 shot. "She proceeds to pull a Ziploc bag of B-12 syringes out [of her purse] and says, 'Drop 'em.' I don't know what you say to that, so I immediately dropped my pants," Justin says. "She gave me a shot in my ass and looks at me and says, 'Nice top shelf.' That was one of the greatest days of my life." [People]
- Last night, Madonna was been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Music. Makes the people. Come together. Music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel. [Mirror]
- A source calls Lindsay Lohan's new friends "leeches." Maybe LL is used to that? CoughmommyDinacoughcough? [Page Six]
- Dina Lohan on her show, Living Lohan, which begins shooting on the 16th and will air around Memorial Day on E!: "Be nice to us." [Gatecrasher]
- "I may be Eccentric, i certainly speak my mind and am slow to put out a record i need to mean the world to ME, and im sure i am quite Nuerotic [sic] but 'Bi Polar'. Thats just slander." — Courtney Love. [Rush & Molloy]
- Yeah, yeah, we know. Patricia Heaton has no belly button. [TMZ]
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dirt bag
- Kirsten Dunst has met a guy! In rehab! The same facility in which Lindsay Lohan met her man! And they don't charge extra for that! [Perez Hilton]
- Kate Moss has life-sized skeletons in her home, arranged horizontally, in the missionary position. Bones that bone? [Mirror]
- Lindsay Lohan: "I'm back on track and figuring out what's next. I'm recording right now... and being in the studio again has been really great. It's all coming together." Oh yeah, the world awaits your music, definitely. [People]
- Britney taught another dance class and the kids loved her! "I want to dance with Britney all the time because it's so much fun," 5-year-old Elissa says. Hanging with children is an upgrade from hanging with that paparazzi dude, right? [People]
- Mark Ronson: Seen making out with underage soap star Leven Rambin! [Page Six]
- Sorry ladies, but Daniel Craig has gotten engaged. Tragic! [The Sun]
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dirt bag
- Oscar winner Marion Cotillard has conspiracy theories! She questions the attack on the World Trade Center towers: "We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes. There was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burned for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there (in New York), in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed." Plus! She doubts Neil Armstrong! "Did a man really walk on the moon? I saw plenty of documentaries on it, and I really wondered," she says. "I don't believe all they tell me, that's for sure." [Variety]
- Are Britney and Adnan Ghalin dunzo? Did she throw his iPhone into the pool after finding "saucy" texts from another woman? [The Sun]
- Jennifer Lopez has indeed, as previously reported, named her twins Max and Emme. A reader points out that those were the names of the kids in the cartoon Dragon Tales. WTF? [CNN, YouTube]
- Colin Farrell is hooked on Russian steam baths. "There's something very basic about rubbing honey on your skin and going steaming with a bunch of strange Russian men," he says. Well, it's healthier than drugs and alcohol, for sure. [UPI]
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clips
Last night, Amy Winehouse took the stage with Mark Ronson to sing their cover of the Zutons' "Valerie." (How fucking adorbz is Ronson's mod look?) Amy's performances in the middle of her downward spiral were a hot mess to say the least, but after seeing the clip above as well as her performance at the Grammys last week, we're wondering if maybe she's awkward because her (relative) sobriety makes it so that she's hyper-aware of her surroundings. (Why does she dance like she's gotta go pee pee? For someone who's so into soul, she doesn't really have moves.) Later, Amy returned to the stage to sing "Love Is a Losing Game" and, of course, gave a shout out to "Blake Incarcerated". (That's his new name now. We're sick of typing out Fielder-Civil.) After the jump, check out a few of our favorite Amy performances, pre-crack.
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dirt bag
- After driving to the courthouse for her custody hearing yesterday and arriving extremely late, Britney ended up not going inside. [TMZ]
- As Britney left the courthouse, she said, "I'm scared." Then she made a brief stop inside the Little Brown Church in Studio City. "She wasn't even there for long, just in and out," says assistant pastor Michael Kosik. And even though Brit was wearing white she "did not try to get married." Well thank God. "I think she just needed to get away," the pastor adds. Later she had lunch. [People]
- The commissioner on Brit's case has ruled that Britney will not have visitation rights restored — at least until the next hearing on February 19. Of course, it would help if she made it inside the courtroom. [TMZ]
- Joel Madden says Harlow Winter Kate Madden "looks so much like her mom (Nicole Richie) it's crazy!" He adds, "I suck when it comes to diapers, but I'm learning." [PageSix.com]
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Jezebel
