intimacy - Jezebel

posts about #intimacy more →
Communication Studies
Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
The Importance Of Being Able To Change Your Period Products In "Public"

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

tribalpanda
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
When applied to crazy relatives and scary ex-boyfriends, the colors can also be viewed like the Homeland Security terror threat scale
Reply

wtfox?! promoted this comment tribalpanda was starred tribalpanda was unstarred

sequined
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
Can I use this like a new base system?
"Dudes, Pete and I hit levels 3, 5, 6, and 10 yesterday!"
Reply

sequined was starred sequined was unstarred

midwestdesigner
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
My emails are waaay more "personal" than my text messages, as I am an old who is slow to realize I have texts and it takes me forever to send them back, as I insist on writing out each word and using correct punctuation. Thus, most of my texts run along the lines of: "Okay. Will Call."
Reply

clevernamehere promoted this comment midwestdesigner was starred midwestdesigner was unstarred

clevernamehere
08/12/09

@midwestdesigner: Texting just takes forever, even if you have a qwerty keyboard like me. And there is limited space. The only text messages I want are things like "Want to see Transformers Sun?" and "I'm at the bar, second floor" For everything else, call or email.
Reply

clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred

ImDatNinja (loves her Red Sox)
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
Where is Jez Stalker on this diagram? I demand a recount!!
Reply

CherriSpryte
08/12/09

@ImDatNinja (loves her Red Sox): It is the special "purple" degree, which brings the two ends together!
Reply

CherriSpryte was starred CherriSpryte was unstarred

wtfox?!
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
It seems like they're walking a line between "intimacy" and "proximity." With a letter, there's still a physical distance and an inability to see the other party, while with video chat and actually being in the same room as the other person is, comparatively, more intimate, in the sense you have cues other than the written word.

That said, though, there's nothing like a great hand-written letter. And now I'm going to lament the lost art of letter-writing.
Reply

wtfox?! was starred wtfox?! was unstarred

Scout
08/12/09

@wtfox?!: lamenting along with you
Reply

Scout was starred Scout was unstarred

dissolver
08/12/09

In reply to Communication Studies
I don't quite get how a letter is so high up the intimacy scale, which may be revealing my status as a child of the technology age, but whatever. I understand the more personal aspect of something hand-written, but I don't understand how that's more "intimate" than direct communication like IM. At the very least, either email should be ranked up by letter or letter should be ranked down by email. I don't see them as that different.
Reply

CherriSpryte promoted this comment dissolver was starred dissolver was unstarred

CherriSpryte
08/12/09

@dissolver: I think letters are way more personal - to me, at least, handwriting is a very personal thing in this day and age, and while most of us are attached to keyboards for the greater part of the day, taking the time and effort to find stationery, write a letter (possibly with multiple drafts!), find an envelope, find a stamp, and mail something, seems to me to be a much more time-intensive, and therefore personal, task. Though perhaps for someone with a more organized desk, it wouldn't be so tough ....
Reply

CherriSpryte was starred CherriSpryte was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
For me "sex" with no modifier mean PiV, oral sex means oral sex, and anal sex means anal sex. That doesn't mean one type is less bad, or more intimate than another, that is just the definition that I grew up with.
Reply

nessalicious
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Does that mean when I got naked and fooled around me and my manfriend(s) slept together? Oy vey.

*goes off to recalculate notches on bedpost*
Reply

nessalicious was starred nessalicious was unstarred

debbyherbenick
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
This is a great discussion to have and I think its great, Megan, that you raised the issue. There is not one definition of "sex" nor do I think there will ever be. In interview studies I've worked on, I've found that some people only count "sex" as sex with someone they loved. In others, sex was defined by the type of act (vaginal, oral, anal, etc).

With other people, it depended on the quality of the experience - I've had women tell me that they didn't consider themselves to have "had sex" with a certain guy who didn't last very long, and I've had men say they didn't count something as sex if they didn't orgasm.

These different definitions of sex definitely make sex research more challenging. That said, I appreciate the variations in people's sexuality and hope we never become cardboard copies of each other with the same definition of what it means to "have sex" or "to love".
Reply

debbyherbenick was starred debbyherbenick was unstarred

clevernamehere
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
The study dealt with college students and oral sex is a pretty common delaying tactic because there is no risk of pregnancy. The idea that oral sex doesn't count can be a factor, but it isn't at all faux purity.

I think there is a really overblown idea that teens are all out having oral/anal sex. My masters thesis related to teenage sexual behavior and the numbers just aren't as high as some people seem to think. About 50% of high school students have had intercourse, about 50% have had oral sex, but only 11% have had anal sex.
Reply

clevernamehere was starred clevernamehere was unstarred

cirocco
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Saying that oral sex is not sex is like saying hand lotion is not lotion, compact cars are not cars, and screen doors are not doors. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that a modifier can negate the noun it modifies, unless the modifier is something such as "artificial" or "virtual."
Reply

cirocco was starred cirocco was unstarred

HereComesMyBaby
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Oh no! If oral counts as sex, then I am REALLY slutty.
Reply

HereComesMyBaby was starred HereComesMyBaby was unstarred

Madlenka
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
If the skinemax soft porns I've watched are any indication, sex happens when an cop goes undercover at a strip club and ends up falling for the perp she's after. About 30 seconds after they meet, they have sex furiously in her studio apartment, and emerge from the bed with their underwear on.
Reply

Madlenka was starred Madlenka was unstarred

mysterygirl
07/01/09

@Madlenka: That's pretty much how it happens for me.
Reply

mysterygirl was starred mysterygirl was unstarred

jeninmotion
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
The number of people who think lesbians don't/can't have "real" sex (and define sex by the presence of penis) in this thread is kind of squicking me. Granted, I go with egg cream on my non-definitional definition.
Reply

jeninmotion was starred jeninmotion was unstarred

inabook
07/01/09

@jeninmotion: I don't know that that's what they mean-- i think some people view sex as the most intimate act you can do with that person-- so, for hetero sex, piv and anal, for gay male sex it might be anal, and for lesbian sex oral or sharing toys. I certainly don't consider going down on a guy or him going down on me to be sex. In a threesome, I wouldn't consider him going down on another girl or me going down on the girl or vice versa to be sex. I would consider him putting it in the other girl's vagina or ass to be sex.

If I were ever in a one on one situaiton with another girl, I might consider oral to be sex-- but its complicated, since if only one of us were to recieve, i wouldn't consider that sex. For me, sex combines intimacy and mutual acts.
Reply

inabook was starred inabook was unstarred

hollygirl
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Interesting topic- what is sex? Only thing I can add is, I would not say I've "fucked" the guys I've given blow jobs to...
Reply

hollygirl was starred hollygirl was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#intimacy

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Communication Studies

Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex

The Importance Of Being Able To Change Your Period Products In "Public"

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment