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When An Online Community Becomes Your Only Community
New York, 1:33 AM
Tue Dec 15
67 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/15/08
I am a firm believer that family bonds are important and even if the relationship isn't perfect, it is worth trying to maintain. There are those where you might have to cut ties because the relationship is too toxic or genuinely abusive but I think that, generally speaking, shouldn't be your default option if you're not getting along with your parents. Most 18 year-olds have a hard time with their parental relationships. Does that mean they should cut them out entirely (which is a terribly selfish thing to do)? I don't think so. And working to maintain important relationships doesn't impinge on your personal freedom. It makes you a more empathetic, compassionate individual.
In my experience with my boyfriend, his relationship with his sister and his mother have become very trying for him and even detrimental to his well-being. He briefly considered cutting them out of his life before realizing that those relationships were important to him. They were not abusing him or being so poisonous to him that he needed to relinquish them for life. We talked a lot about it and I encouraged him to really think deeply about this before burning those bridges. He is now working to reconnect with both his sister and his mother, despite the fact that it takes work.
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*However* the Freedomain Radio stuff *is* scarily cult-like. [freedomainradio.com] Check it out. Whole lot of groupthink going on over there, and that Molyneaux guy comes across as a sinister, controlling crackpot. Red flags everywhere.
11/15/08
I am not going to judge Mr. Weed's decision or his family life. But, even if it was in his best interest to extricate himself from the family, that does not make FDR not a cult. Most of the discussions on here seem to think that it is a one or the other situation--either he needed to get out or FDR is a cult. It can be both!
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I think the internet is merely a tool for communication, not unlike the printing press or telegraph before it. It's people's INTENTION when putting the mode of communication into practice that needs to be blamed. By displacing blame onto the internet instead of placing it where it really belongs (with Molyneux and her own son) Mrs. Weed is missing the opportunity to get to the root of the problem-- real-world relationships.
11/15/08
But then, even if you had stats that showed, say, an increase in young cult members mirroring an increase in computer ownership/internet use, you still could not say for sure there was a connection - too many variables, like social/economic trends etc etc.
I guess it all comes down to communicating with your kids. There was one telling detail in the Guardian story when Tom's mum related how family mealtimes had devolved into them all eating separately because of differing work/life timetables, and that the only time she saw her teenage sons was when they ventured out of their rooms to get something from the fridge. I actually think this is huge.
11/15/08
I doubt that this is a serious or dangerous "cult", considering that Tom has a mind of his own, and they DID NOT take him against his will.
Tom is the problem here, not the website.
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That said, it sounds very cult-y. A form letter? That's just weird. However, as someone with social anxiety, I find it a lot easier to meet and maintain online relationships than ones in real life, because I'm a thousand times better at written communication than verbal. The Asperger's doesn't help me make friends in real life much, either. I'm online the majority of the day, but I don't really feel like there's any community that consumes my being. This is really the only site that I'm active in.
11/15/08
I've seen firsthand when people (especially in their mid-late teens) are convinced by someone else that their parents are evil and the only way to become free is to break off all ties with them. I wouldn't say that there was exactly a form letter, but I know that these kids were assisted in writing letters to their family explaining why they wouldn't see them anymore.
So, first off, this is nothing specific to the internet but has been happening for ages. Second, although he says he doesn't ask for money, one of the top navigation buttons on the website is "Donate!" I clicked on this and discovered that you HAVE to donate in order to gain access to the private discussion boards. Third, he says that cults don't encourage their members to go to therapy, but in fact there is a whole genre of therapy-based cults. (That's what the one I grew up in was.) I would ask who is doing the therapy here - if it's someone who belongs to FDR, like a guide or mentor or some such, then this is definitely another textbook cult practice, and is probably one of the main ways members are indoctrinated.
Nothing ever changes. This week CNN is all-Jonestown-all-the-time, and although nothing like that ever happened with our little cult, Jonestown both fascinates me and completely freaks me out; I know from personal experience how something can go so much farther than you would have ever thought, so much more quickly, and yet seem completely reasonable (and inevitable) to those on the inside.
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I needed to be rid of my family a few years back. They were not letting me control or live my life. They were also abusing me and keeping me down. Thanks to my Fiance, she was able to release me of them. I know it sounds bad but sometimes your "family" isn't always the best thing for you.
Now this kid may have something similar going on, so in all honesty who is anybody to judge. Just like nobody would know the hardships I went through, nobody really knows what kind of shitty people his family are/is.
I'm sure though that this Molyneux, might have good intentions. I mean the guy advocates animal rights, anyone who is an advocate to take care of something that can't defend itself from people fucking shooting at it from helicopters, is my hero.
11/15/08
"I'm sure though that this Molyneux, might have good intentions. I mean guy advocates animal rights, anyone who is an advocate to take care of something that can't defend itself from people fucking shooting at it from helicopters, is my hero."
You ARE joking, right?
In Hitler's head, he was doing the right thing, the best thing for the German people - he had good intentions. Good intentions are besides the point. I urge you to spend some time on the FDR website and see for yourself what an idiot he is.
Also, Hitler was a vegetarian.
11/15/08
But yeah, treating animals well alone doesn't make someone a good person, and plenty of people have good intentions without actually doing good. Presumably the parents at the Yearning for Zion Ranch who married little girls off to grown men thought they were saving their children's souls when in fact they were committing child abuse.
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I swear you people and your bullshit hilter comments, he wasn't the only evil person in the world I hope you know. Shit loads of others did bad in the history of the world.
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Sorry if my compassion offends you. :`(
11/15/08
The idea you put forward that someone who is an animal lover cannot also be an asshole was too much of a neat coincidence for me to ignore. I guess I should have realized it's a sore point for vegetarians. I'm not having a go at vegetarians. I was one for years. I respect your choice.
BUT to defend this guy when it appears you have not even read or listened to the kind of crap he's coming out with, does offend me.
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I had to read the story twice in the paper.
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But! It is equally bizarre to maintain that FAMILY IS ALWAYS THE BEST THING OMG SOME PEOPLE ARE SELFISH THINK OF THE MOTHERS! Relationships are complicated things, and the worst thing anyone can do is treat them like there's some kind of obvious answer about who does and will support you in your life. I mean, kudos to you that in your small and meagre experience you haven't encountered a lot of emotionally abusive parents, but guess what? Your experience doesn't get to substitute for someone else's judgment.
And honestly? Fuck the haters for making people feel bad about what is, anyway, a very emotionally difficult decision to sever oneself from a family member.
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Although, that's pretty hateful!
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there's some on page 1, go back
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it's the "people are so selfish" thing that's honestly hateful. you don't know why other people make the decisions they do, and until you live their lives, quit dismissing people. it's awful.
@creepygirl: I have no idea what this particular person's circumstances are, is the point. nor do you. this "selfish college kids" stuff is a red herring. selfish college kids don't sever their ties to mommy and daddy because that would mean closing the account at the bank of mommy and daddy.
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As for the "hate", I suspect what we have here is just a difference of perspective about VERY emotive issues. I honestly don't see anyone's comments on the previous page implying 'selfishness' - but I'm viewing them through my own prism, I get that. I had average parents who tried their best to do a good job and mildly screwed with my head in the process. That's where I'm coming from and I think that's pretty normal, so I don't 'see' the alleged "hate".
Seriously, I'm not being dismissive. I'm trying to see it from your point of view, but you're going to have to be specific - maybe I missed it. Help me. Explain it to me. I just really really don't like it when the old "hater" criticism is thrown around just because people disagree about something. It's not productive.
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This is one of those crazy scenarios that sometimes scares me about the idea of having kids.
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