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Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
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andBegorrah
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
This is almost as sad for Obama as the time Laura Bryant told everyone on my birthday that I had paid Joey Hogarth $10 and promised to give him my pudding cups every lunch for two weeks if he gave me a hickey so I'd look cool even though everybody knew it was a burn from the crimper and that my dad was a carny and that's why I always smelled like funnel cakes and that anyone who came to my party was like totally banned from her pool party the next week. ALMOST.
(A few months later, everyone found out that she was a bed-wetter. METAPHOR, people. Metaphor.)
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J.D.Regent
08/04/09

@andBegorrah: if you really did smell like funnel cakes, I might have befriended you on that alone.
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hilikusopus
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
I'm offering a new Chuck Norris fact: you are not a natural born US citizen, leader of the free world....unless Chuck Norris certifies your birth.

[www.chucknorrisfacts.com]
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit) promoted this comment Edited by hilikusopus at 08/04/09 10:58 AM hilikusopus was starred hilikusopus was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/04/09

@hilikusopus: A U.S. birth certificate isn't legitimate unless it has a raised seal -- Chuck Norris' fist imprint.
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hilikusopus
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: Chuck Norris's baby crib was an Octagon. (Why's my picture changing?!)
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Edited by hilikusopus at 08/04/09 11:32 AM hilikusopus was starred hilikusopus was unstarred

banh mi
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Is it wrong that I'm waiting for someone to create a "make your own fake Kenyan (or Australian) birth certificate" generator on the internet just to mock the Birthers? Come on, interwebs, don't let me down!
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theotherhepburn
08/04/09

@banh mi: The interwebs will never let you down.
[www.democraticunderground.com]
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wednesdayam
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Well, Chuck better stay away from these parts where he used to Ranger about... according to that Party Affiliation item you posted, Texas is currently +2 Democratic. And this makes me smile. I'd like to thank Governor Good Hair/Bad Management and Senator John Cornyn for pissing off folks like my parents who had been Republicans most all my life and are not necessarily turning Dem, but are fed up with the GOP and consider alternate voting options or not voting at all.
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Flackette Goes Retro
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
The day that I learned members of my actual, close family are "birthers"...well, I died a little inside.
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southernbitch
08/04/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: im pretty sure there are several lurking in my family. but they stopped talking to me years ago, much to my delight.
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Political Party Girl
08/04/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: Tell them you were really born in Kenya. They they'll all die a little inside.
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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina)
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
HELP! I'm at work and can't see videos. What is shown in the video right before "HOLY CRAP Haley Joel Osment?"?
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sarrible
08/04/09

@Little Green Frog: It's from an old episode of Walker, Texas Ranger, in which Chuck Norris tells Haley Joel that he has AIDS. And Haley Joel is all, "It's okay. Walker told me I have AIDS." It's one of the most amazing WTF moments in TV history. Well, TV history involving Texas Rangers.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
I thought Chuck Norris lost his brain to a scary rightwing disease ages ago. I mean, he endorsed Huckabee, for Christ's sake. If that is not a sign of mental illness, I don't know what is.
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hortense
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Don't you wish that Conan could solve all of this by pulling the Walker, Texas Ranger lever and sending Chuck Norris back in time to the days when he was just a pop culture icon as opposed to a crazy crazy Crazy?
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bluebears
08/04/09

@hortense: ya. He's really ruined Walker Texas Ranger for me and I will never forgive him for that.
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lilbobbytables
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Something tells me that Chuck Norris is drawn to the crazy like lilbobbytables is drawn to the Jude Law/Robert Downey Junior makeout rumor discussed in Dirt Bag. Which, is to say, drawn very strongly towards.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Speaking of grown men weeping (or going off on an "expletive laced critique"), apparrently Tim Geithner let his Rahm out last Friday on a bunch of financial industry regulators. How I wish that the audio from that meeting were available.
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Ratinski
08/04/09

@morninggloria: Oh God, how I would kill to see and/or hear that.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

@Ratinski: Go to google and type in "Geithner Vents at Regulators as Overhaul Stumbles." It's the WSJ story. I don't know how to link.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
When I was in the Minneapolis neck of the woods the other week, I was listening to the local popular music station and "Birthday Sex" came on, except they totally censored it to "Birthday (Uhhh)," which kind of ruined the hilarity of the song. Why is "sex" censored, but "skeet, skeet, skeet" isn't? Is it because old white people don't know what skeet, skeet, skeet is?
In conclusion, Happy Birthday, Mr. President.
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keldo
08/04/09

@morninggloria: Help an old white girl out. What the heck is skeet, skeet, skeet?!
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hydrogen_jukebox
08/04/09

@morninggloria: On my morning commute, I heard a two year old girl across the aisle from me start singing the "Birthday Sex" song.
I didn't really know whether to laugh or cry.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

@keldo: "Skeet skeet skeet" is jizzing.
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keldo
08/04/09

@morninggloria: Oh jeez on the jizz. Thanks for clueing me in!
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NefariousNewt
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
BoingBoing had an excellent article on the fake Kenyan birth certificate that the "birthers" have latched onto. It's amazing how bad a forgery it is, and yet the "birthers" are certain this is their "proof."
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: I think that's because the birthers care about nothing except being proved right. That's why they ignore all the well-grounded evidence showing that they are wrong and cling to any little thing (no matter how poorly drafted) that will provide proof of their claims.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: I wonder where the education system failed to imbue in these people the important truth that just because you really, really, super hard, totally, all encompassingly, with all of your beating little heart want something to be true, that doesn't make it true.
This is why unicorns don't exist.
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NefariousNewt
08/04/09

@morninggloria: They don't?
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bluebears
08/04/09

@morninggloria: to be fair, these people also believe god created man in seven days and dinosaurs existed in a flinstones-type scenario.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: I don't know which is more hilarious-- that they used an Australian birth certificate as a template or that they didn't even use the correct name for Kenya at the time.
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Maritsa
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: Let's analogize!

"Certified Hawaiian birth certificate" is to "obviously-forged Kenyan birth certificate" as "maternal grandparents who were present at birth" is to "Kenyan step-grandmother speaking a different language and talking to a reporter trying to trip her up."
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Edited by Maritsa at 08/04/09 10:32 AM Maritsa was starred Maritsa was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/04/09

@Maritsa: Hey! No giving away SAT answers!
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rah29
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: Oh dear god. People actually think that's real? Like... actually? Actual people? Not joke people? Tell me you lie.
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morninggloria
08/04/09

@bluebears: "And on the seventh day, the Lord created Hannah Barbara cartoons, and man and great lizards walked alongside one another while the laughter of dead men filled the air at moments of levity."
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NefariousNewt
08/04/09

@rah29: Yes, people believe that's real. Just like they believe that there's a big, invisible person in the sky who watches their every move and makes the universe go around.
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rah29
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: Yeah, but you can't break out a history book to disprove the big dude in the sky. This isn't an article of faith, it's just a painfully, horrifically obvious forgery.
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NefariousNewt
08/04/09

@rah29: But it works the same way. They have faith that they are correct. Just the same way people believe the Moon landings were faked, the Bermuda Triangle is a gateway to another dimension, and Nostradamus could tell the future. Rational proof and logic mean nothing to them -- they simply use their belief to nullify facts that disturb their view of the universe.
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rah29
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: A little part of me just died inside.
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southernbitch
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
i think it was pretty fair to say that chuck norris' brain has been infected with teh stupid for a long time. i mean, the man supported huckabee. HUCKABEE. if you want to talk about the second coming, i think the discussion needs to start with a man whose policy idea of dealing with crime, drugs, and poverty centers around the core idea that we just need to all accept christ as our personal savior.
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
08/04/09

@southernbitch: Wow, I commented almost the exact same thing above. I really should hit refresh before I comment.
Also, don't forget that Huckabee thinks abortion causes illegal immigration.
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southernbitch
08/04/09

@Sputnik_Sweetheart: ha! i actually was not aware of that particular policy point.
i cannot WAIT for the republican debates of 2012. between huckabee, jindal, romney, and palin it's going to look like a monty python skit.
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NefariousNewt
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
As to the President's falling approval rating -- this is not news. He didn't cure AIDS, emancipate the LGBT community, immediately leave Iraq and Afghanistan, hand out free money to everyone who makes under $50K a year, solve all our financial problems, and declare socialized medicine for everyone. So some people are unhappy, and this is reflected in the polls.
Has it occurred to anyone that he has 3-and-a-half years to go?
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
08/04/09

@NefariousNewt: There's also the way the polls are worded.

"Are you happy with the way the President is handling health care?"

"No, I like his ideas but I strongly suspect he's going to let them languish and wish he'd push congress harder." reads as I am unhappy with the president's stance on healthcare!

"Are you happy with Congress?"

"Congress can eat shit." reads as I am unhappy with Congress in general and not, as I intended it, Congress needs to actually do something about health care!
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Edited by Zombie Ms. Skittles at 08/04/09 10:15 AM

dreamweave
08/04/09

In reply to Chuck Norris Falls Victim To Pathetic Political Pandemic
Virginia, Virginia Virginia. You really had a high moment there in the 2006 - 2008 period. The rest of the country started to respect you again for the first time since the mid-late 1800s. Why go messing it up?
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BearDownCBears
08/04/09

@dreamweave: Eh, I've always hated the state-by-state analysis. If you want to be reductive, it's just country mice vs. city mice. VA has more country mice. There are of course exceptions, like sometimes a bunch of jarhead country mice live in one area like Norfolk or Colorado Springs; also, you have a some free-spirit liberals in flyover country that balance out Wall Street Journal tools in Manhattan. But every other state (not just Virginia) has its rural rodents too, and they have more in common with their own kind, even in another state, than they do with their urban counterparts down the road.
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dreamweave
08/04/09

@BearDownCBears: hey there! hope you come back to read this - I was just making a generalization/funny. I agree that pigeon-holing states (or regions) is not useful in thoughtful analysis - but it works well for every day smack talk. And on that note - I mean hell, I'm from NC and believe me, we are walking the edge too. Voting for Obama only goes so far in mitigating 6 terms of jesse Helms.
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BearDownCBears
08/04/09

@dreamweave: No worries. I think the state-by-state analysis survives because a) we still use this moronic electoral college in the age of widespread media coverage and epic campaigning, and b) regionalist attitudes are a good way for liberals to smack-talk conservative culture in a general fashion without seeming as classist as if they attempted to frame the state of the union in a country hicks/urban pricks dichotomy. State borders are rather arbitrary, so they allow you a hedge.
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