"When a man says he would like a woman with a good sense of humor, he really means one that will laugh at his jokes," he said.
When my ex says I can't take a joke or I don't have the best sense of humor or something like that, I just know what he really wants to say is "your sense of humor is shitty because you're a girl." I always knew guys just thought you had a good sense of humor if you laugh at their jokes, but I'm glad someone who wrote an article pointed this out as well.
I might be able to contribute to this under normal circumstances but I'm feeling a little mopey. So i'll just say this: if a guy is cute, to some women, that's good enough. if he's funny bonus.
But, and this is i think the mean of most studies of relationships, be a little ugly, be a little fat, but be hilarious. let me know how that works out for you.
Nighthawk (the former Okori Wadsworth) is headed back to DGUSA in November! was starred
Nighthawk (the former Okori Wadsworth) is headed back to DGUSA in November! was unstarred
Nighthawk (the former Okori Wadsworth) is headed back to DGUSA in November! was starred
Nighthawk (the former Okori Wadsworth) is headed back to DGUSA in November! was unstarred
There's a bit of dialogue from The West Wing between Josh and Donna - something like:
"Your sense of humor is a bit of a high wire act, isn't it?"
"And half of it you don't even get."
Which seems to say a lot about how I operate. I'm usually on my fifth shade of irony (which has doubled back on itself at least once) and at least some percentage sincere, which can be challenging to figure out. Generally this means I'm more vaguely amusing (occasionally perplexing) than actually funny, but those who do not have a sense of humor don't get me at all.
So, yeah, I'm going to need someone who has a chance of keeping up, or else he's never going to have a freaking clue what's going on and that's just going to irritate the hell out of me.
Much like the car post awhile, what is really missing here is actual photos.
Hot guys and not hot guys with funny and unfunny ads. If women ranked both the hot and not hot funny guys over the hot unfunny guy, then they might have a point.
Also, famous funny guys are often pretty decent looking. They don't have to be super humanly hot the way women in Hollywood have to be, but Adam Sandler are Seth Rogan not guys who would make you run away in horror. Plus, they're rich, some of the women who fan themselves over the idea of sleeping with Seth Rogan wouldn't notice him if he was Seth Rogan, CPA.
@greengrey: I think of Seth Rogan as the guy I would think was awesome if my friend was dating him- he's funny, he doesn't physically do it for me, but I see the appeal.
@greengrey: since the actual mr. colbert is happily taken with children, i'm campaigning for human cloning and take first dibs on stephen colbert 2.0 and clive owen 2.0.
@clevernamehere: see, in this day and age, i'd be thrilled with seth rogen, cpa. being an accountant is a job that will never leave you destitute, y'know?
@rednrowdy: Oh I think CPA Seth Rogan would have appeal for a lot of women. I'd go more for CPA Jason Segel myself, but there's nothing wrong with CPA Seth Rogan. But the number of women who want to do Seth Rogan is totally related to money and fame.
@clevernamehere: I think my hot-dar is broken. Most people in Hollywood look like... kinda average people to me. I mean, they aren't totally stunning or anything like that. I don't live in The Land of Pretty People, either. I think mostly everyone in Hollywood (when they aren't airbrushed, because then they look unnatural) just looks like a regular person.
AGREED. I think the real issue is that you just never see a guy in a movie or a TV show liking a girl who has a few extra pounds. Except for Bridget Jones, and then it's a gag. I'm not talking about obese girls, I just mean a girl with an extra ten pounds or so. It's just never, ever okay.
@viklane: it was a gag in the book and film, but it was a media report every single damn day that renee zellweger had to stuff herself in order to be worthy of the demands of the role. it was almost like "hey! look at the circus freak getting fat for a part!" and in the end, was she really that overweight? not by a long shot.
@viklane: @viklane: Mellie in Dollhouse, Callie in Grey's Anatomy, the best friend in Samantha Who... those are the only i've got on the top of my head, though.
My high school boyfriend was small, pale, red-headed and freckled, but he was hilarious, and that's why I (and everyone else) liked him. That only became a problem when he started cheating on me with said "everyone else." Really though, for me at least, a fantastic sense of humor can completely negate looks.
@marshmallory: ...he was hilarious, and that's why I (and everyone else) liked him. That only became a problem when he started cheating on me with said "everyone else."
you completely explained to me why i avoid funny guys like the plague. the funny guy is always, always, always the player in disguise. always.
it's not about having a sense of humor, it's about having the same sense of humor. if his sense of humor is solely interpreted as reruns of 'who's the boss' and you're into eddie izzard, a problem will arise.
oh, and the apatow formula i.e. the formula that hollywood has played out since the beginning of time because men write the scripts always holds true. men think "i can be the schlubby funny guy, but if you're not hot, my male friends will think i'm a loser. if you're not hot but insanely wealthy, that's okay. if you're hot but poor, that's okay too. being smart and funny is fine as long as you're hot, being employed is fine as long as you're hot. oh, hot = thin with big tits".
@rednrowdy: Yes, it is about having the same sense of humor. Almost everyone has SOME sense of humor, but not one I can put up with. Luckily my boyf and I have the same sense of humor and we crack each other up on a regular basis. Too many other men fancy themselves comedians (and probably try really really hard b/c they know ladies love generic "senses of humor") and listening to them crack up at themselves is the worst.
@SarahMC: i had two long-term relationships with guys who fancied themselves to be writers and 'funny guys', even though they made their money doing other jobs. the guys who talk about funny stuff from the past because it was sooo funny...and it was...but it already happened. it's over! move on. the man i'm currently seeing thinks i'm hysterical and is not a writer whatsoever. he's a smartypants in his own right, but in a different way than me, and that's a good thing.
@lalaland13: we should have a jezebel-screenplay-meetup or something. i feel like the more we talk about the colossal amount of b.s. that gets made in lalaland these days and the more we try to buck and f*ck the system, hopefully someone will really start listening.
@rednrowdy: Oh yes. I need to know how to write one-I mean, I know what I want to say, just don't know how to format it, if that makes sense. I need to know the technical specs.
My husbands sense of humor played a key role in my attraction to him. The best thing about being around such a witty person is that it started to rub off on me and I found comfort with my own sense of humor and wit.
Also, if a man doesn't find funny, witty women attractive, then they're probably not worth knowing anyway.
Did McCarthy do any kind of research before he said that when men said they wanted a good sense of humor in a woman they meant one who laughed at their jokes?
I could totally see this being true, but it is a little ridic for a social scientist to just assume based on gender stereotypes.
I was having a fabulously lusty dream with Russell that was also funny too and then it was rudely interrupted by the alarm. That clock is an asshole...
I always get the feeling that guys hate it when I'm funnier than them. I don't think it's that "funny women" are unattractive, I think it's that they don't like someone who can respond, rather than just giggle and twirl their hair.
@viklane: I'm a funny woman and I know what you mean. It makes guys uncomfortable if I'm smarter than them, too. They don't usually come out and say it, they usually say at first that they admire it, but then they start acting nervous and making passive agressive digs like "You don't have to try to be smart all the time"
There is a dominance/submission aspect to humor. Most men are uncomfortable with an equal or lesser role.
I understand that as a modern woman, the constant discussions of baby-making are nauseating and one-dimensional and annoying. But part of falling in love is a chemical reaction in your body -- a change in hormones -- that allows you forge an emotional and chemical bond that directly feeds into procreation. Since the goal of any species is to continue to propegate itself and escape extinction, this kind of scientific argument cannot be dismissed so readily.
It's already been proven that laughter releases endorphins that change the chemical makeup in your body at any given moment. So we know the chemistry is already there. I know that not every woman wants to have babies, and I know that women are FAR more than the sum of their reproductive parts, but BIOLOGICALLY there is a compulsion to reproduce because there HAS to be. I don't think that recognizing that is anathema to recognizing that a modern woman is multi-faceted.. which this piece seems to.
This is interesting, because apparently I am male. My number #1 "must" in a man is that he find me utterly, tear-jerkingly hilarious.
This is probably motivated by the same personality trait that makes me laugh at my own jokes in the privacy of my bedroom. And then test them out on friends, not because I think my friends will enjoy them, but because I wonder if I am as funny as I think I am.
04/02/09
When my ex says I can't take a joke or I don't have the best sense of humor or something like that, I just know what he really wants to say is "your sense of humor is shitty because you're a girl." I always knew guys just thought you had a good sense of humor if you laugh at their jokes, but I'm glad someone who wrote an article pointed this out as well.
04/02/09
But, and this is i think the mean of most studies of relationships, be a little ugly, be a little fat, but be hilarious. let me know how that works out for you.
04/02/09
04/02/09
"Your sense of humor is a bit of a high wire act, isn't it?"
"And half of it you don't even get."
Which seems to say a lot about how I operate. I'm usually on my fifth shade of irony (which has doubled back on itself at least once) and at least some percentage sincere, which can be challenging to figure out. Generally this means I'm more vaguely amusing (occasionally perplexing) than actually funny, but those who do not have a sense of humor don't get me at all.
So, yeah, I'm going to need someone who has a chance of keeping up, or else he's never going to have a freaking clue what's going on and that's just going to irritate the hell out of me.
04/02/09
04/02/09
Hot guys and not hot guys with funny and unfunny ads. If women ranked both the hot and not hot funny guys over the hot unfunny guy, then they might have a point.
Also, famous funny guys are often pretty decent looking. They don't have to be super humanly hot the way women in Hollywood have to be, but Adam Sandler are Seth Rogan not guys who would make you run away in horror. Plus, they're rich, some of the women who fan themselves over the idea of sleeping with Seth Rogan wouldn't notice him if he was Seth Rogan, CPA.
04/02/09
Conan O'Brien? Jon Stewart? Stephen Colbert?
Yes, please.
04/02/09
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Am I broken?
04/02/09
I'm not sure where this comes from. Maybe I've internalized the "she can be funny and must also be hot" idea you see perpetuated a lot.
Of course, many boys also wouldn't look my way unless I started voting Republican and going to church. Weight loss is more likely.
04/02/09
AGREED. I think the real issue is that you just never see a guy in a movie or a TV show liking a girl who has a few extra pounds. Except for Bridget Jones, and then it's a gag. I'm not talking about obese girls, I just mean a girl with an extra ten pounds or so. It's just never, ever okay.
04/02/09
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04/02/09
you completely explained to me why i avoid funny guys like the plague. the funny guy is always, always, always the player in disguise. always.
did i repeat that enough? sheesh.
04/02/09
Two ham sandwiches walk into a bar.
"I'm sorry," the bartender said, "we don't serve food here."
04/02/09
Yeah, I really did. :D
04/02/09
oh, and the apatow formula i.e. the formula that hollywood has played out since the beginning of time because men write the scripts always holds true. men think "i can be the schlubby funny guy, but if you're not hot, my male friends will think i'm a loser. if you're not hot but insanely wealthy, that's okay. if you're hot but poor, that's okay too. being smart and funny is fine as long as you're hot, being employed is fine as long as you're hot. oh, hot = thin with big tits".
04/02/09
I tend to agree on the Apatow thing. I need to write a screenplay.
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04/02/09
Also, if a man doesn't find funny, witty women attractive, then they're probably not worth knowing anyway.
04/02/09
I could totally see this being true, but it is a little ridic for a social scientist to just assume based on gender stereotypes.
04/02/09
I was having a fabulously lusty dream with Russell that was also funny too and then it was rudely interrupted by the alarm. That clock is an asshole...
04/02/09
04/02/09
There is a dominance/submission aspect to humor. Most men are uncomfortable with an equal or lesser role.
04/02/09
It's already been proven that laughter releases endorphins that change the chemical makeup in your body at any given moment. So we know the chemistry is already there. I know that not every woman wants to have babies, and I know that women are FAR more than the sum of their reproductive parts, but BIOLOGICALLY there is a compulsion to reproduce because there HAS to be. I don't think that recognizing that is anathema to recognizing that a modern woman is multi-faceted.. which this piece seems to.
04/02/09
04/02/09
This is probably motivated by the same personality trait that makes me laugh at my own jokes in the privacy of my bedroom. And then test them out on friends, not because I think my friends will enjoy them, but because I wonder if I am as funny as I think I am.
And yes, by the way. I am. Knock-knock.
04/02/09
(late to the party, but I'm sure you're just waiting patiently to tell someone)
04/02/09
I like it when people think I am funny. It makes me feel comfortable. Even better is when they are funny, too!
But not funnier than me.