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Memo to anna wintour
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Memo to anna wintour
prom and circumstance
British Kids Manage To Make "Prom" An Even More Hateful Institution
Just one of the valuable export sectors keeping the American economy afloat, folks, but don't underestimate prom. Prom has come to Britain, and oh my god I hope it stays here. Two intrepid Wall Street Journal reporters today descend upon the prom of Michael Clarke, third from left, whose parents "at first balked when their 16-year-old son begged them to rent him a bright yellow Lamborghini plus driver for prom night." Mercifully, reason prevailed. "They gave in after their son promised to study harder in return." And the Clarkes, like many other British parents, ended up shelling out more than a grand to secure this promise. Inexplicably, school teachers are resisting this method of motivating their pupils, filling education websites with hateration along the lines of: "Ghastly import. Conspicuous consumption and pointless excess." But with the American economy going to shit (and the My Super Sweet 16 hosts of yore going to jail?) we are pleased to usher in this trend with some evidence that it will benefit our economy — and a fun video of dressed-up British high schoolers acting as obnoxious as American ones — after the jump. More »
letter from london
It's 3 a.m., And I Could Use A Tampon Or At Least A Beer
Greetings from London. I am sitting in a pub in the financial district nursing a hangover with the absolute worst cheeseburger I have ever fucking eaten. And I lived in China as a kid and we ate water buffalo burgers there, true story. You know how they say the "bad British food" thing is a misnomer? It is not. I have had exactly one meal here to which McDonald's would not be preferable. And I don't even actually like food. But being here is sort of throwing into doubt a lot of my Marxist sensibilities, I realized yesterday the second time I walked past a house where Friederich Engels lived during a long and winding and near-abortive search for a newsstand that was open at seven p.m. on a Sunday. The night before last I arrived back to a hotel at midnight and asked where I could get a drink to put me to sleep; nowhere was the answer I got from the concierge. Two couples standing next to me seemed confused. More »
Big Deals
Mayawati is a 5-foot tall chief minister of the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. She had a 12 foot bronze statue of herself replaced with a larger one because it was 3 feet shorter than nearby statues of other leaders. She didn't want to get short changed, okay? But! The cost of two statues? $950,000. As CBS News reports, that's "no small fee in a region of India notorious for its bad roads, spotty electricity and endemic poverty." Still, Mayawati is a heroine to dalits, "the so-called untouchables" on the bottom of the caste system, who have faced centuries of often violent discrimination. So she'd better be represented properly! [CBS News]
Wang Zhijun returned home to Sichuan province two days before the earthquake. He had been traveling more cosmopolitan sections of the country for years, trying and failing at the rough business of making money in a corrupt and desperate place run by hucksters and plutocrats, when his wife convinced him to do the proverbial "coming up for air" thing and return home for a few weeks. (Air is not what they got.) (Yeah, pun, sorry.) Some choice moments of a story that reads like a Jimmy Stewart movie when you click the pic. [NYT]
international titocracy
Meet Italian Cabinet Member Mara Carfagna, A Woman Of Many, Um, Parts
Usually when my little brother sends me tips they have to do with the idiocy of Bush or organized religion or... well anyway, to get to the point, I was somewhat baffled when he sent me a link to this picture on a German website. I clicked about as far as here before I was just like "We're all always searching for new sources of free porn but um now's not the time, broseph!" But as it turns out, this is a serious issue! Meet Mara Carfagna, Silvio Berlusconi's new Minister Of Equal Opportunities. A lot of hands have been wrung over why the Italians would vote for that guy again — aside, you know, from his whole King of all media thing — but until now we did not really realize he had such inspired brain trust. See, Mara Carfagna — rhymes with Barack Obama! — is one of those transcendent politicians whose rich and varied biography gives her a persona that can resonate with anyone. A photo essay of Hope (and humps!) after the jump. More »
foreign affairs
Welcome To Basra, Where Beating Your Daughter To Death Gets You High-Fived By Cops
There are no photos of 17-year-old Rand Abdel-Qader or "Paul," the British soldier she fell in love with, so this will have to do, as it's an image we have probably all probably allowed to enter our hippocampuses when the teenage infatuation reaches such a crescendo it starts to seem impossible that it won't end tragically — and suffice it to say, this post is tragic enough. Two months ago Abdel-Qader, an English speaking student from Basra, was beaten to death by her father Ali and brothers after she talked to "Paul" in public one day, and now, thanks to the Guardian we know that her father not only feels zero remorse and has the full support of the Basra police and social norms — "some honor killings are impossible not to commit," after all — he blames his wife's "bad genes" for causing his daughter to fall in love with a foreigner. (Bad genes! What, you thought the Shias believed in intelligent design?)More »
foreign affairs
Sarah Left Women's Magazines To Try And Learn "Why They Hate Us." She Could Use A Drink.
Meet Sarah. She used to live in New York and cover fashion for women's magazines. Then she moved to Yemen. What's Yemen? Just a little country where prisoners go to when they get released from Guantanamo, where Al Qaeda is like the Beatles, where eight-year-olds have to go to court to get their own divorces and where women aren't allowed to laugh in public. They've been trying to blow up foreigners lately in Yemen, and the Embassy and its stash of liquor is gone for the moment, but Sarah is sticking around because the food is cheap and she never really liked showing her hair or speaking in public that much to begin with. Herewith, an IM interview with Yemenista, the only Jezebel reader with ready access to qat. It's nature's adderall. More »
Foreign Affairs
The Kanamara festival was held yesterday in Japan, which means the town of Kawaskai was inundated with huge pink and black penises, cross-dressers, and tourists posing for pictures with cock-shaped lollipops. The three-hundred year old fertility festival takes place near a phallus shrine and draws visitors from around the globe. "In general, traditional Japanese festivals are not very accessible to foreigners, but this one is different," says Kimiko Nakamura, the head priestess. (Haha, "head" priestess.) [Reuters]
Global Beauty
The "Miss Landmine Survivor" pageant will be held April 2nd in Luanda, Angola, reports the BBC. The contest, organized by Angola's de-mining commission, aims not only to give victims confidence, but to raise awareness. Millions of mines were planted in Angola during a 27-year civil war that ended in 2002. Tens of thousands of Angolans have lost limbs or suffered injuries from mines and the UN says that millions of landmines remain hidden in the country. Eighteen women will take part in the pageant: One from every province in the country. All of the contestants have been maimed by mines. [BBC News]
foreign affairs
Siberian Inmates Compete For Prettiest Prisoner
"A woman should always be beautiful," says Natalya Khapova, 26 (pictured at left). "Not just outside the fence. Even if she's in here, she should show her beauty. A woman is everything gentle and wonderful - or she should be." The "fence" Khapova speaks of? The one separating her from the population at large. See, Khapova has six-and-a-half years left of her eight-year sentence for assault. She lives in an all-women's prison. In Siberia. Since 1990, the jail has an annual beauty pageant with its own rules and three categories: Greek Goddesses, Flower Gowns and "Imaginary Uniforms," which lets inmates design their ideal prison getups. Guards and unit chiefs judge the contestants on their appearance and creativity, crowning the winner "Miss Spring." Runners-up are "Miss Charm" and "Miss Grace". Russia has 35 women's prisons and the female incarceration rate is almost five times as high as Britain's. Half of the women at UF 91/9 are doing time for narcotics. Does that mean it's OK for them to play dress-up? More »
heroines
Ousted Hot Obama Adviser Samantha Power's Advice On Love
In our free time we've been learning all we can about ousted Obama foreign policy adviser Samantha Power, so here you have it for your attempts at intelligent barroom conversation: she's a big drinker and a big talker. She did not plan to take a position in any sort of Obama cabinet precisely because she likes to talk too much. She was inspired to be a foreign correspondent during the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests. Calls Obama a "seriously special dude." Thinks too much conviction can be a dangerous thing because it erodes empathy. Thinks genocide has "brutalized" the sensibilities of all who recognize it, making for something like a trickle-down effect that gave us Abu Ghraib. Has that same problem all smart pretty girls have where dudes don't pay attention to what she's saying because they are too busy trying to feel her up which may be why she has to say reckless things. Is dating a fellow Obama adviser. But most endearing of all, we found, was her advice on love, offered in this 2006 commencement speech. More »
foreign affairs
French Femmes Fond Of Le Fucking
A new study has found that French women are "increasingly assertive" in their sexual habits. Which basically means they're sleeping around more: In 1970, 68% claimed to have had only one partner, In 1992, 43% made that claim; in 2006 the number had dropped to 34%. A paper called Le Nouvel Observateur said of the findings: "The good old dichotomy (male predators, females patiently awaiting the warrior's return in front of the cave entrance) is in big trouble." Let's hope so! Progress from Cro-Mag days is a good thing, right? In any case, the "female sexual emancipation" is a hot topic in France right now, thanks to Ms. Carla Bruni. Last year, she told French paper Le Figaro: "I am a tamer [of men], a cat, an Italian. I am faithful... to myself. I am monogamous from time to time but I prefer polygamy and polyandry." Now she's married to the president. Quelle horror! More »
Foreign Affairs
Over on Guanabee, writer Gabriel Caro has created something called "The International Fuckability Hierarchy Index: Latin Countries." Basically, where you're from dictates how much you get laid, and Caro has created a useful bar graph (as seen here) in which penises illustrate Spain's superior allure over Guatemala, for instance. Plus! "If your country's name has an ñ add 5 points; if your country has hosted, participated in, or applauded terrorist activity, subtract 5 points; add 5 points if Pablo Neruda ever lived in your country; if Che Guevara visited your country in one of his "reconnaissance" trips, do nothing but ponder the significance of it all; if your country is an island, subtract 3 points." The index also name drops Shakira, Benicio Del Toro, Daddy Yankee and, uh, Hugo Chavez. It's not right, but it's okay. [Guanabee]
Over on Guanabee, writer Gabriel Caro has created something called "The International Fuckability Hierarchy Index: Latin Countries." Basically, where you're from dictates how much you get laid, and Caro has created a useful bar graph (as seen here) in which penises illustrate Spain's superior allure over Guatemala, for instance. Plus! "If your country's name has an ñ add 5 points; if your country has hosted, participated in, or applauded terrorist activity, subtract 5 points; add 5 points if Pablo Neruda ever lived in your country; if Che Guevara visited your country in one of his "reconnaissance" trips, do nothing but ponder the significance of it all; if your country is an island, subtract 3 points." The index also name drops Shakira, Benicio Del Toro, Daddy Yankee and, uh, Hugo Chavez. It's not right, but it's okay. [Guanabee]
foreign affairs
"Small" Bottoms Are The Least Of Some Women's Problems
The hot new dance craze in the Ivory Coast is "Bobaraba," which translates to "Big Bottom." The problem? Some women are worried that their derrieres are not up to par, so they're getting black market injections for more junk in the trunk. Ivorian gynecologist Dr. Marcel Sissoko says the injections might be dangerous, "because we don't know the ingredients. It's being used without a medical prescription. The health ministry hasn't authorized this and doctors don't know what's in there, so there are risks." More »
foreign affairs
Meet Satoshi Fujita: The Japanese "Mystery" With A Wig And A Prayer
"I always teach my students that sex comes first. Then you figure out whether the woman is worth marrying later." So says Satoshi Fujita (left), head of Tokyo's Pickup School For Men Who Can't Get Any. Fujita is like the Mystery of Japan: He helps insecure geeks get laid! And, like Mystery, Fujita has all kinds of tricks up his sleeve: For starters, he wears a wig. "It was so shocking when my hair started to fall out," he says. "I was scared to look in the mirror and completely froze up when I talked to women." His wig gave him confidence; he soon developed a "science" of chatting up chicks, using humor, compliments and, uh, magic tricks. Now he teaches other lame dudes nanpa, the art of picking up women. According to Wired, there are half a dozen nanpa schools in the Tokyo area, and Fujita's is the most popular. Classes are held on street corners: "Picking up women on the streets is the best method for people who need miracles," Fujita claims. More »
foreign affairs
Wife-Carrying, Rosary Clutching, Speed Dating: Valentine's Day Is A Global Affair
Whether you're getting wined and dined or just indulging your inner wino this Valentine's Day, you might be curious to know how folks around the world are getting their rocks off this February 14th. Did you know that Valentine's Day, though initially celebrating a Christian martyr, was first linked to romance by Chaucer? So if you hate this crappy, commercialized farce of love, blame his Canterbury Tales-writin' ass. Anyway, from teens giving blood and husbands carrying their wives in China to speed dating on Bondi Beach in Australia, we've got a rundown of what's going down this V-D, after the jump.More »
foreign affairs
