Oh great. Now I'm never going to get any work done. Up 'til this point Dan Savage has been my one and only. Even if I don't always agree with him, at least he's funny and occasionally apologizes when he's wrong, or admits that being sick or hungover often colors his answers.
That Double X column sounds awful. Another of those "women like brands so we shall name brands, ooh! women can be bitches" bits of crap. I will investigate...
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Dan Savage. I LIKE that he's not afraid to be offensive and challenges this need to be PC all the time. I don't see it as small-mindedness.
Also, in the example cited above, Dan didn't say only women can be bi! That's just not what the coulmn said and I've never heard him deny bi men exist. If anything, I've heard the "well, he's obviously gay!" sentiment a lot more on Jezebel actually.
In that Savage Love article, Dan cited a study that showed men got aroused by the kind of sex they *self-identified* as enjoying, while women were more likely to get aroused by gender combinations outside of how they self-identified. He DIDN'T claim bi men don't exist, he cited a study that shows female sexuality tends to be more fluid. In other words, gay men are gay, bi men are bi, straight men are straight. But gay women may be more likely to mess around with men sometimes, straight women may be more likely to mess around with women sometimes.
Dan was asked whether a guy's "playing for the other team" in college was just a phase? And he responded, likely not. Basically, that he is probably actually gay or bi (And told the advice-seeker to butt out. Maybe it's not that his current girlfriend doesn't "see" it, maybe she's into it)
@cait98: Dan did a column a while back in which he responded to someone asking if it was possible to find a woman with a really high sex drive. He responded, "Nope, if left to themselves women/lesbians would be totally happy just eating pizza and ice cream instead!' Obvs, he got a bunch of angry responses from people proving that was NOT true, and he published them all saying that he'd written his first column to provoke such a response, so that readers could hear it firsthand from women. Which I thought was actually pretty cool.
The problem is, I think some people didn't get it, or were only aware of his initial (and *purposefully* bad advice), and will say with vague recognition, "Isn't he the guy that like hates lesbians....?"
I take issue with these claims about Dan Savage. He's he's "not so good [to have on your side] if you are, say, a bi black dude with body image issues"? Yes, I tend to disagree with him that it's somehow more natural or normal for women to be bi than men. But I've heard him give good advice to bisexual men, & I've NEVER heard him give insensitive advice to either a person of color, or someone who identifies as bi. A few weeks ago on his podcast, I heard him on his podcast talking to a young gay black man who was struggling with coming out to his religious family. Savage gave him thoughtful advice, and consulted with a prominent black lesbian blogger to get an expert opinion.
He also tends to be tough on people *only* if they gain weight during a relationship, because often that's not what their partner wanted and the partner of said person may feel less attracted. He's never claimed that everyone needs to be thin, or that you must be thin to look good or to find a partner in the first place. To suggest this means he'd be insulting to anyone with "body image issues" isn't accurate, & seems a bit like sloppy thinking on your part.
On the other hand, Dear Prudie's "words of wisdom"? Uh... hmmm. In my experience, people don't tend to masturbate because they can't think of anything else to do with their hands. It's not that crazy for a guy to jack off twice a day. Unless his habit is interfering with his sex life -- which wasn't the case here -- who cares?
@PeterAbe1ard: Agreed - Dan has written some crappy columns, which I disagreed with - but he's also been doing this FOREVER, and is bound to hit a wrong note every once in awhile. I think the impact he's had on a sex-positivist mindset far outweighs anything Prudie or Carrie Tennis have ever accomplished.
I seriously credit him with a lot with my personal comfort with sex and sexuality.
I'll confess to being a Prudie reader. I liked it a bit better before Emily Yoffe took over, but it is still part of my Thursday morning work-avoidance ritual.
Even the title of Friend or Foe reads like some sort of Mean Girls exercise. Any advice columnist that urges the advicee to, on a slow gossip night (whatever that is) talk smack about someone with the rest of their friends is, as they say, full of shit.
What about Carolyn Hax from the Washington Post? Her advice is more nuanced than Dear Prudie, but more succinct than Savage or Tenis, who tend to ramble a bit too long for my taste.
I feel like I need to defend Prudie a bit. I don't agree with her on everything, but I read that column referenced, and it seemed the problem was less about masturbation and more about his consistent, constant need for it. It seemed almost an addiction.
I both love and hate Cary Tennis. Sometimes he writes a beautiful, meandering story that hits something profound. And sometimes he's using the column as his writing exercise.
@PreposterousHypothesis: I love and hate Cary Tennis, too. Sometimes his responses are so self-serving, but sometimes they're just so gorgeous, in a way that makes me wish I had either written them or he was talking just to me.
@PreposterousHypothesis: Did you read the one about the toupee? I still don't understand how a woman was able to marry a man, and not know he wore one. Someone needs to explain that to me. Also, I love Prudie!
Just don't come to Prudie with any kind of out-of-the-box sexuality or relationship questions. She's dropped some serious turds about open relationships and transvestitism, especially when kids are involved--WON'T YOU THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!
@Cafezinha: She seems to toe a very mainstream line. I just read a column where a teenage girl who wasn't interested in going to the prom asked if there was any reason she should go. Prudie told her she should because later in life she would regret not going. Why? Because she (Prudie) regrets not going to hers.
@schlegs84 thinks John Galt can suck it.: agreed! also, i hate his speaking voice. i know that has no bearing on his ability to give advice. it just makes the advice all that more unbearable. have you ever listened to his podcast?
07/06/09
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Also, in the example cited above, Dan didn't say only women can be bi! That's just not what the coulmn said and I've never heard him deny bi men exist. If anything, I've heard the "well, he's obviously gay!" sentiment a lot more on Jezebel actually.
In that Savage Love article, Dan cited a study that showed men got aroused by the kind of sex they *self-identified* as enjoying, while women were more likely to get aroused by gender combinations outside of how they self-identified. He DIDN'T claim bi men don't exist, he cited a study that shows female sexuality tends to be more fluid. In other words, gay men are gay, bi men are bi, straight men are straight. But gay women may be more likely to mess around with men sometimes, straight women may be more likely to mess around with women sometimes.
Dan was asked whether a guy's "playing for the other team" in college was just a phase? And he responded, likely not. Basically, that he is probably actually gay or bi (And told the advice-seeker to butt out. Maybe it's not that his current girlfriend doesn't "see" it, maybe she's into it)
07/02/09
The problem is, I think some people didn't get it, or were only aware of his initial (and *purposefully* bad advice), and will say with vague recognition, "Isn't he the guy that like hates lesbians....?"
07/02/09
He also tends to be tough on people *only* if they gain weight during a relationship, because often that's not what their partner wanted and the partner of said person may feel less attracted. He's never claimed that everyone needs to be thin, or that you must be thin to look good or to find a partner in the first place. To suggest this means he'd be insulting to anyone with "body image issues" isn't accurate, & seems a bit like sloppy thinking on your part.
On the other hand, Dear Prudie's "words of wisdom"? Uh... hmmm. In my experience, people don't tend to masturbate because they can't think of anything else to do with their hands. It's not that crazy for a guy to jack off twice a day. Unless his habit is interfering with his sex life -- which wasn't the case here -- who cares?
07/02/09
I seriously credit him with a lot with my personal comfort with sex and sexuality.
07/02/09
07/02/09
07/02/09
Even the title of Friend or Foe reads like some sort of Mean Girls exercise. Any advice columnist that urges the advicee to, on a slow gossip night (whatever that is) talk smack about someone with the rest of their friends is, as they say, full of shit.
07/02/09
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[flagpole.com]
07/02/09
I used to love Prudie on Slate, but now that it's Emily Yoffe it can be pretty uneven.
07/02/09
I both love and hate Cary Tennis. Sometimes he writes a beautiful, meandering story that hits something profound. And sometimes he's using the column as his writing exercise.
07/02/09
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I don't so even when he says something smart I get all petulant and want to cross my arms and yell, "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
07/02/09
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