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Sat Jul 31
48 posts in the last 24 hours


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#crapemailfromadude Click here to read Crap Email From A Dude: "I Hope You Will Find This Outsider's Perspective To Be Useful"

Crap Email From A Dude: "I Hope You Will Find This Outsider's Perspective To Be Useful"

In the dating world, there are those who send crap emails, and those who receive them. These are their stories. (Dun-dun!) More »
07/24/10
28,45828,458 views on this post, 2,258 new visitors
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By Hortense Smith
Image of VaginaWig is A Merkin VaginaWig is A Merkin 07/19/10
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Today's CEFAD:

"I hate you."

Seriously, that was the entire email. And this man is 47 years old. And we broke up 4 months ago.

#crapemailfromadude
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Image of la.donna.pietra la.donna.pietra 07/19/10
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@VaginaWig is A Merkin: Well, at least it was succinct?

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Image of HarpMadness HarpMadness 07/19/10
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@VaginaWig is A Merkin: When I was younger, I dated "older" men on purpose because I thought they were more mature. Yeah. I learned my lesson.

It's a cliche, but damn, bullet dodged. I can see expressing feelings, but when it's just petty, basically meaningless sniping, what is the point? Gah.

#groupthink Reply

Image of banzailibrarian banzailibrarian 07/19/10
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@VaginaWig is A Merkin: They never grow up, do they?

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VaginaWig is A Merkin promoted this comment

Image of BetteD BetteD 07/19/10
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@HarpMadness: I second every word you just wrote, and have hearted you for the sole reason of shared experience.

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#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "In Sum, I Am Hereby Tendering My Letter Of Resignation From The Relationship"

"In Sum, I Am Hereby Tendering My Letter Of Resignation From The Relationship"

Today's CEFAD provides insight to the persistent question, 'Why don't we adopt the formal diction of law and business and introduce it into our personal lives?' Wouldn't the crispness of legalese be simpler, even kinder, in its way? Um, no. More »
07/19/10
18,22918,229 views on this post, 1,359 new visitors
485
By Jenna Sauers
Image of oboesqueaks oboesqueaks 07/16/10
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I posted this in response to a comment, but really, it's a Crap Email from a Dude:

I got this on OKC once in response to my putting "geeky" as one of my attributes:

Subject: What makes you think you're geeky?

Message: I don't mean for this to be insulting, I'm just asking what makes you think you're geeky. I see a lot of nerdy characteristics (beer nerd, music nerd, etc.) but I don't see a lot of geeky things. And unfortunately these days, sci-fi shows like Lost and Dollhouse are mainstream and not really geeky. Now, if you were to watch, say Eureka and Dr. Who, or Torchwood and Smallville, or something like that, I think that would at least add to the geek credentials.

As for concert venues, I noticed you don't have Eddie's Attic on there. I think it's a pretty dang good place to go watch someone perform.

And if you're looking for a life ambition, or a major life goal, why not go all out and think about driving in the Dakar Rally? It would be something not a lot of people can claim they've done.

Sincerely,

Phillip

#crapemailfromadude
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lilybea promoted this comment

Image of lilybea lilybea 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: Oh god! You could get a relationship, and a douche to fix your life right off the bat. It's so great to have someone who can mansplain about how to describe yourself. I wouldn't know how to respond to that.

#groupthink Reply

Image of LutherNipperkin LutherNipperkin 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: Oh, thank you for editing the rough draft of who I am, stranger dude! I knew it was missing something!

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Image of HidingInCanada HidingInCanada 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: Wow, what the fuck?

"PROVE YOURSELF, WOMAN!

PS- let's go out sometime!"

#groupthink Reply

Image of Calisee Calisee 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: Hi!

You suck and aren't as good as me.

Now that I've effectively torn you down, are you feeling enough like shit to deign to go out with an asshole like me?

Thanks,

A Dick

#groupthink Reply
jasminetea promoted this comment

Image of Admiral Babyruthless Admiral Babyruthless 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: O hai, Atlantan.

That's all.

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Image of oboesqueaks oboesqueaks 07/16/10
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@lilybea: I think the Dakar Rally part was my favorite. It's like he went for sarcasm and came out with douche.

#tips Reply

Image of SomeAuthorGirl SomeAuthorGirl 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: I'm going to insult you, because surely that will make you go out with me.

Smooth play, Phillip.

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Image of oboesqueaks oboesqueaks 07/16/10
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@Calisee: I love nerds, but sometimes they can get way too full of nerd rage. I'll take the nerd who hugs me when I start talking about Star Wars instead of the one who questions my taste in scifi TV.

#tips Reply

Image of Mrs. Featherbottom Mrs. Featherbottom 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: This might have just been who I was seeing and complicated relationships things that happened that night, but I thought Eddie's Attic sucked.

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Image of oboesqueaks oboesqueaks 07/16/10
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@Mrs. Featherbottom: It's so so. I actually do like it, but that's what Yelp is for. I just mentioned one venue because it's a damn online profile, not Jennifer's top 20 of everything.

#tips Reply

Image of boxspelunker boxspelunker 07/16/10
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@oboesqueaks: Man, that's a real prize right there. I mean, I love it when people think I'm not nerdy or geeky enough! I mean, no one uses those phrases as self-deprecating humor or anything.

God, nerdelitism is so annoying. OH NO I DON'T KNOW AS MUCH AS YOUUUUU clearly I am worthless.

#groupthink Reply

Image of Justine Justine 07/25/10
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@oboesqueaks: You got negged! If your M.O. is to ignore unwanted e-mails, ignore. If you answer them all, tear him a new one, and somehow work in the fact that you answer all of your mail so he won't get the idea that insulting women produces responses, where conventional messages get none.

#crapemailfromadude Reply

Image of oboesqueaks oboesqueaks 07/25/10
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@Justine: Ignored, and blasted online for maximum possible public humiliation.

#tips Reply

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#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "I've Been Seeing A Pretty 24 Y/O Girl That Has A Master's Degree From Stanford"

"I've Been Seeing A Pretty 24 Y/O Girl That Has A Master's Degree From Stanford"

In many ways, there's nothing stupider than agreeing to meet your ex-fiancé for a nice, chummy holiday coffee date just two months after the betrothal was broken. Which is probably why Katie, having initially agreed to Jeff's overtures, backed out. More »
07/16/10
29,86529,865 views on this post, 885 new visitors
300
By Jenna Sauers
Image of Ajh Ajh 07/13/10
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The ex-friend I wasn't interested in, told him I wasn't interested in. Took the email he sent me to the police because it had all sorts of crap about how I was dressing in tanktops (in humidity and heatwaves no less!) to look sexy for him and he loved masturbating to the thought of my chest falling out of them, offered me $100 for naked pictures, and asked me not to tell anyone amongst other much less tamer stuff. I did throw up after reading half of it and handed it off to my father since this guy was a family friend technically. My father was horrified.

This jerk just emailed me again last night saying he's sorry I was upset, can I ever forgive him?

I'm an asexual that said no, I'm not interested in sex, and I'm not interested in a relationship with him beyond friendship. I didn't play it nice either. I told him this bluntly. He said he respected that, he then proceeded to email his sexual fantasies. No I don't think I can forgive him.

Why do guys act like this? I simply do not understand why someone would do that after someone already said not interested.

#crapemailfromadude

#groupthink Reply
imatorso promoted this comment

Image of Lyesmith Lyesmith 07/13/10
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@Ajh: You did good with going to the police and alerting your family, but it's probably best to stop responding to him since it just seems to fuel the fire. He's a creepy asshole and a misogynist - the kind who probably thinks that "no" really means "yes". I hope you can get a restraining order or something.

#groupthink Reply
SomeAuthorGirl promoted this comment

Image of FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 07/13/10
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@Ajh: I don't know why guys do that. But honestly this guy sounds way too creepy to be friends with. Boundaries: he has none. He will never respect yours, in all probability.

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Image of Ajh Ajh 07/13/10
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@Valkyrie607: I cut off contact with him and told our mutual friends why. Some of them also stopped talking to him.

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Valkyrie607 promoted this comment

Image of FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 07/13/10
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@Ajh: Happy to hear it. :)

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Image of Ajh Ajh 07/13/10
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@Valkyrie607: I still find myself self conscious of the clothing I wear now. I had finally trained myself out of that and then he went and did this.

#crapemailfromadude Reply

Image of FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 FreeMizJenkins aka Valkyrie607 07/13/10
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@Ajh: Ugh. You will move past it, I promise.

You seem like you have a really level head on your shoulders. Good for you for dealing with it so firmly.

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#crapemailfromadude Click here to read Crap Email From A Dude: "On The More Sympathetic Side, You Are The Shit And A Taurus"

Crap Email From A Dude: "On The More Sympathetic Side, You Are The Shit And A Taurus"

It's always a bad idea to try to model yourself after someone you have a crush on. It's an especially bad idea to determine that your crush is "a headcase" and that you must woo them via psychological fuckery. More »
07/03/10
21,45121,451 views on this post, 420 new visitors
288
By Hortense Smith
Image of Jadis4742 Jadis4742 05/29/10
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Crap Email from a Dude:

Just got this on OKC. It bothers me, but I can't put my finger on why. Help?

Wow cute hun. Would love to talk more see if maybe you might be as interesting as your profile states :p

#crapemailfromadude
#groupthink Reply

Image of BrilliantCorners BrilliantCorners 05/29/10
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@Jadis4742: 1) Use of the word 'hun.'
2) Lack of use of proper grammar.

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Image of Jadis4742 Jadis4742 05/29/10
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@BrilliantCorners: And slightly condescending?

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Image of heartsrevolution heartsrevolution 05/29/10
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@Jadis4742: The grammar/sentence structure for sure. Maybe the immediate use of "hun" and :P.

And the fact that he just kinda wants to talk to you to see if you're as interesting as you make yourself sound to be? That second sentence is kinda off...

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Image of tsidska tsidska 05/29/10
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@Jadis4742: I think it's an example of that negging crap plus the condescension other people mentioned. Did you shut him down? Politely ignore him? I'm curious.

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Jadis4742 promoted this comment

Image of Jadis4742 Jadis4742 05/29/10
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@tsidska: I haven't responded to his message. Yet.

#groupthink Reply

Image of kavka kavka 05/29/10
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@Jadis4742: Please don't. Anyone who initiates a conversation there without asking any you questions, saying they want to 'talk more' when there's been no talking... it smacks of 'think you're dumb and will fall for meaningless pseudo-flattery' really.

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Jadis4742 promoted this comment

Image of Jadis4742 Jadis4742 05/29/10
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@kavka: OK, I won't reply. Delete.

What do you want to bet he writes again, asking why I haven't written him back? :D

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Image of kavka kavka 05/29/10
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@Jadis4742: I've had that happen before. And when I look at the profile and it's not super-creepy and if (big IF) the next query is not stalkery/rude, I sometimes will even tell them honestly why I didn't respond (i.e., "well, you didn't give me anything to respond to, and I have no obligation to say 'thanks' or anything else to you just because you complimented me"). I run away without hesitation from any guy who feels I 'owe' them anything from a flipping message there.

#groupthink Reply

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#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "You Are Not Allowed In The House, I Have People Working On A Binding Order"

"You Are Not Allowed In The House, I Have People Working On A Binding Order"

There is no pain quite like the pain that accompanies the dissolution of a live-in relationship. In a way, only when you find yourself arguing about HALF the cost of THE LARGE MEASURING CUP do you really understand it's over. More »
05/28/10
13,63313,633 views on this post, 335 new visitors
464
By Jenna Sauers
#crapemailfromadude Click here to read Crap Email From A Dude: The Philanderer's Wisdom

Crap Email From A Dude: The Philanderer's Wisdom

Some things are always ill-advised. Singing Björk at karaoke. Invading Russia with winter approaching. Sometimes it's like you can hear a voice yelling "Don't!" Dating a married man is necessarily on this list, but his ex might disagree. More »
05/18/10
18,74318,743 views on this post, 424 new visitors
351
By Jenna Sauers
#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "I Met Her On Vacation, She's 24, We Had Sex Many Times (4)"

"I Met Her On Vacation, She's 24, We Had Sex Many Times (4)"

This edition of Crap Email From A Dude came with photos attached — proof to the recipient that "I have been having sex while seeing you." But that's what she gets for refusing to sleep with him! Serves her right. More »
05/04/10
30,68430,684 views on this post, 923 new visitors
518
By Irin Carmon
#crapemailfromadude

"I'll Forgive A Lot From The Man Who Gave Us Chinatown"

Click here to read "I'll Forgive A Lot From The Man Who Gave Us <i>Chinatown</i>"
On Saturday, Hortense asked if we'd be able to watch movies by Polanski apologists. Maybe — but can we date them? And what if they also like rape jokes? More »
10/06/09
17,70417,704 views on this post, 38 new visitors
335
By Anna North
#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "I Know How You All Look Forward To Your Weekly Rampaging Bitch Sessions About Me And [CockBibs]"

"I Know How You All Look Forward To Your Weekly Rampaging Bitch Sessions About Me And [CockBibs]"

Do you remember CockBibs? Or the unhinged man who invented them? Well, he's firing off angry emails to us again. This time, he's irate about an Urban Dictionary definition that Jezebel readers created—and made popular!—for the term "cockbib." More »
08/10/09
15,45515,455 views on this post, 49 new visitors
184
By Tracie Egan Morrissey
#crapemailfromadude Click here to read "Do You See Your Own Situation At Jezebel As Sexist?"

"Do You See Your Own Situation At Jezebel As Sexist?"

Men — particularly white men — have it pretty hard these days. Wise Latinas are getting onto the Supreme Court, black Muslims from Mombasa are living in the White House, and some women are even running websites for other women. More »
07/24/09
13,48713,487 views on this post, 32 new visitors
159
By Megan Carpentier
#crapemailfromadude

"Maybe Thats What My Pull Towards You Is, My Relief From The 'Quest'"

Click here to read "Maybe Thats What My Pull Towards You Is, My Relief From The 'Quest'"
Few ex-boyfriends appreciate the primacy of laziness on the decision whether or not to sleep with them again. "Emily" and "Brian" were two old flames in the laziest stretch of most educated Americans' post-infant lives: Christmas break home from college. More »
07/22/09
18,37918,379 views on this post, 39 new visitors
134
#crapemailfromadude

"Like I Said Before, I Have Some Sociopath Tendencies"

Click here to read "Like I Said Before, I Have Some Sociopath Tendencies"
"The lover's discourse is today of an extreme solitude," Roland Barthes wrote in 1977, for those who didn't catch it from the placement of the apostrophe. Spoken like someone who'd never been confronted with change in an ex-girlfriend's relationship status! More »
07/08/09
17,54317,543 views on this post, 129 new visitors
252
#crapemailfromadude

"I’m Sorry I Wasn't Honest About My Need For Non-Monogamy"

Click here to read "I’m Sorry I Wasn't Honest About My Need For Non-Monogamy"
New game! "What's more offensive?" The erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) or the "awww, but it seems like he really loved her!" forgiveness orgy for this pathological dumbshit dipshit shitfuck? More »
06/29/09
30,18830,188 views on this post, 215 new visitors
243
#crapemailfromadude

The Mark Sanford Emails: A Textual Analysis

Click here to read The Mark Sanford Emails: A Textual Analysis
Last night, The State released a series of e-mails between Mark Sanford and his Argentinian paramour, a woman said to be a 43-year-old agribusiness exec. We analyze Sanford's communiques from a literary, cultural, theological, and numerological perspective, after the jump. More »
06/25/09
24,54724,547 views on this post, 81 new visitors
192
By Anna North
#crapemailfromadude

"If I Were John Steinbeck I Would Say (Casually) That You Have Penis Envy"

Click here to read "If I Were John Steinbeck I Would Say (Casually) That You Have Penis Envy"
Welcome back to Crap Email From A Dude, in which dudes incriminate themselves in ways at once profoundly alarming and totally familiar. Today, the "Wow Dude, You Found Me Out, Fucking You Twice Means I'm Trying To Marry You" thing. More »
06/22/09
20,09520,095 views on this post, 74 new visitors
331
#crapemailfromadude

"What Could Be Wrong With Something That Tastes Good And It Fills Me Up?"

Click here to read "What Could Be Wrong With Something That Tastes Good And It Fills Me Up?"
Welcome back to Crap Email From A Dude, wherein Jezemeritus Moe and her fellow romantic failure Georgia Cool parse the missives of dudes you are hopefully not still fucking. Today's theme: self-control. More »
06/15/09
29,21429,214 views on this post, 50 new visitors
279
#crapemailfromadude

"What Do You Think Will Happen To Your Dating Life? To Your Looks?"

Click here to read "What Do You Think Will Happen To Your Dating Life? To Your Looks?"
As the nation learned once again last week with the coverage of Dr. George Tiller's murder, the abortion issue is all too rarely approached with the sensitivity and nuance it deserves. More »
06/08/09
27,43227,432 views on this post, 111 new visitors
352
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