Jezebel
crappy hour
Posts Tagged “
Burma
”
crappy hour
crappy hour
Hillary = Not Exactly The Loser Here, People!
You've all been sending us this think piece from today's Washington Post about how everyone feels so sorry for Hillary Clinton because she reminds men of their first wives. AYE DE MI ENVIA LOS BONERKILLERS! (BOEHNERKILLERS?) So yeah, I Nexis-ed that, and guess what? Republican pollster Frank Luntz said this TWELVE YEARS AGO. Twelve years ago as in, when Lush was on the radio. As in, more than a decade before a preponderantly Republican-appointed court decided banning gay marriage was unamerican, before a certain first wife's gasbag ex-husband devoted a decade of his life to reexamining the life and character of Hillary Clinton, and 12 years before Peggy Noonan pointed out, as she did today, that "Republicans are losing because they are losers." Megan and I cosign after the jump. More »
news roundup
President Bullshit
- George W. Bush is in Israel right now where he equated Obama with Hitler over his suggestion that he meet with Ahmadinejad. I guess in Israel they have to smile when he talks but Knesset Speaker Dalia Itzik doesn't look like her heart is in it. [Wash Post]
- Joe Biden and most Democrats not named Joseph Lieberman rejected and denounced Bush's "bullshit"/"malarkey." [Politico]
- Oh wait, but the Bushes were actually great friends with the Nazis. So maybe he meant the Hitler thing as a compliment? [Guardian]
- (Dear Jews: Just remember, no one forgets what they learned at summer camp!)
crappy hour
John McCain: Yeah, Maybe Just Let This Guy Be President
Bummertown Thursday, dudes. There's a death toll of 20,000 in China, some 2 million displaced people in Burma (and a newly-passed referendum ensures they will all remain comprehensively and brutally oppressed!) and longest and most depressing of all, a not brief Times cover story on John McCain and All The Places In The World That Have Sucked Since The Seventies. "I'd rather lose an election than a war," he says, which kind of hits the nail on the head; with apologies to Lauryn Hill, we might win some but we really lost one, and maybe Creighton Abrams was the right guy at the wrong time and maybe that's just how it rolls in these war situations but whatever happens the next few years, Dreamy Team or no, are going to continue sucking. SinisterRouge is doing penance, Jim McGreevey's entering the seminary, and "sweetiegate", and the Anna Nicole autopsy report-inspired cocktail of psychotropic drugs the Department of Homeland Security is currently feeding deportees, are all discussed by me and cynical Megan after the jump. More »
news roundup
Yeah, Your Day Wasn't Really That Bad After All
- The Sichuan earthquake has probably killed 9,000 people, and let 80 tons of toxic liquid ammonia out into the streets, but if I know you guys it's the panda stuff that is really going to get to you. [Wash Post]
- But — thanks investment banks! — it probably won't have that big an impact on the economy! [WSJ]
- Or Beijing's standing as the number one toilet metropolis. [Xinhua]
- Meanwhile in Burma the UN is projecting a death toll of 100,000, and Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon can't get junta leader Than Shwe on the phone so he actually just sent a letter, and the US is still trying to get them to accept aid at all...[Wash Post]
- Hillary is going to win the white vote by landslide margins in West Virginia because they're still coming to grips with the notion of the first Muslim president down there. [FT]
- Well it's about time Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson vowed lifelong commitment.[US Weekly]
crappy hour
It Was A Nice Day For A White Voter
Welcome back kids! How was el fin de semana? Because it sure sucked for a lot of our overseas amigos! A devastating earthquake on the scale of an earthquake that killed a quarter million people in 1976 just rocked China's Sichuan province; Burma's totalitarian military junta decided to grant itself unlimited totalitarian power and all the donated rice; no one can really protest the junta since they are mostly all dead and/or starving to death anyway; hopefully Jenna Bush did the sensitive thing and refrained from throwing rice at her wedding; two John McCain advisers did the sensitive thing and stepped down when it turned out they'd actually taken three hundred grand from the junta for PR services. Bob Barr and Ron Paul both launched separate attempts to do what voters are already doing anyway and sink McCain's campaign; Michelle Obama is nixin Hillary as a running mate (according to Bob Novak?!) and speaking of Nixon, there's a new book on him and the white voters who elected him and we read all about it sorta. All that and a Vito Fossella primer ATJ. More »
news roundup
The World, Too, Is Bipolar
- Hillary Clinton won't wear Donna Karan anymore because it makes her look too well-dressed. Four words, Hillary: Nancy Pelosi is Speaker. [Times UK]
- Nader wants to to save half of your tax return and give him the other half so he can hopefully get McCain elected. Man, fuck that guy. [Boston Globe]
- It's okay, though, because oil is now $126 a barrel, a new record, so you'll just have to spend it on that anyway. [Washington Times]
Good Intentions
"I wrote my whole thesis on Burma," Kim Kardashian claims in this public service announcement about the country's political plight. "It just makes me think: A few months ago I had no idea about the problems of Burma... and now I am simply devastated," Kim writes. Watch as she tries on clothes and talks about Myanmar elections at the same time! [OfficialKimKardashian.com]
news roundup
The "And You Thought Yesterday Was Bad" Edition
- After last night's fellatio-esque interview of John McCain, reporters ask Jon Stewart if he's a real journalist and if he should've tried harder to ask a real question. No, and yes. [Comedy Central, Time, Rolling Stone]
- No one really cares, though, because Hillary might not actually stay in the race until August. [NY Times]
- And there is one economist who agrees with her gas tax plan, but only because this example of blatant electoral pandering is the method of blatant electoral pandering likely to do the least harm of all the harmful ways to blatantly pander to the electorate. [NY Times]
- Oh, and some New York Congressman got his mistress pregnant three years ago and has a secret love child and is a drunk driver. Even married Republicans lose when it comes to abstinence-only education. [NY Times]
crappy hour
Who Would God Vote For? Probably the Fascists!
Not that I ever smoked, but I guess I'd start, too, if my house looked like that. But there are disasters all over the place today, from Hillary's wonderful comments on race to the innocent guy we held in Gitmo who decided that the terrorists were right about us to the Myanmar cyclone pictured. It's disaster day on Crappy Hour, as Moe takes a much-needed break and I take a moment away from Glamocracy to talk Texas, Hillary, terrorists, fascists and God with the Washington Independent's Attackerman, Spencer Ackerman. More »
news roundup
The Oh, Hell No Afternoon
- New York City police arrested Al Sharpton, Sean Bell's fiancée, Nicole Paultre Bell, and hundreds of other protesters today for staging prayer sessions at the exits of Manhattan in protest over the acquittal of the cops that shot Mr. Bell. Because, obviously, inconveniencing others to protest the loss of life means you should spend time at Rikers. Why did they have to make me like Al Sharpton? [NY Times]
- Hillary's staying in the race despite the hellishly long odds, hoping that Barack will fuck it up and she can convince the superdelegates to anoint her the candidate. [NY Times]
- To that end, she had an unannounced meeting in Washington with many of them behind closed doors. There's nothing sketchy-looking about that to the average voter though. [The Atlantic]
crappy hour
Barack Obama Doesn't Look Too Psyched About That Beer
Fifty thousand people are dead or close to it in Burma, and Barack Obama can state unequivocally that he does not drink designer beer. Seventy five percent of American adults will at some point be impoverished. The average American car owner really must save $30 this summer. Chris Hitchens believes Barack Obama may be pussy-whipped. Ellen Page believes Burmese dictator Than Shwe is a modern Hitler. And when tomorrow comes, Terry McAuliffe believes everyone will be saying that Hillary Clinton did better than they thought she was going to do in both the North Carolina and Indiana primaries tonight. Now there's a statement Glamocracy Megan and I can get behind! After the jump, an unusually hip-hop laden edition of Crappy Hour. More »
news roundup
Laura Bush Talks Myanmar, Marriage
- Laura Bush gave a speech about Burma a.k.a. Myanmar and disaster preparedness and Jenna's wedding. Her lipstick was very well-applied. More than 10,000 people may die as a result of the cyclone. Harry built a limestone altar in Texas especially for the wedding. It will be "permanent" in contrast to many of the structures in Myanmar, where limestone and most other things are in short supply. The ruling junta is holding a referendum this weekend to solidify its control of their dirt- poor, isolated disaster zone and I guess this means they win. Governments that are more efficient when it comes to killing citizens than warning about floods always win in the short term. And also the medium term. [Huffington Post]
- Hey, speaking of nuptials/Third World personalities! Mariane Pearl might be Angelina Jolie's maid of honor. [Times Of India]
- The primary was so ugly, John and Cindy McCain couldn't bring themselves to vote for a candidate in 2000. [Huffington Post]
- Kind of similar situation with John and Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary and Obama. [TPM]
The selective abortions and abandonment of female babies in China has led to a rash of preteen Burmese girls being trafficked across the border and sold into marriage. According to the Independent, there are 30 million more men than women in China at this point, and men "near the Burmese border have begun to buy girls as young as 10 to become the brides of men old enough to be their fathers or even grandfathers." Burma is rife with human rights abuses, and the average income is about $400 a year. This kind of thing makes all those wedding shows filled with spending orgies seem extra disgusting, right? [The Independent]
animal magnetisms
Good News For Creatures, Great & Small
Still enraged over presidential candidate Mike Huckabee's evil, Eagle Scout award-winning dog-murderer of a son? Or the news that Blackwater assholes killed one of the dogs living at the NY Times' Baghdad bureau? Here's a little something to remember: A whole lotta people actually want to help animals. To begin, there is finally a Merck Manual for animals on the market with which pet owners can learn about everything from communicable diseases (humans to animals) to how to diagnose a gerbil with depression. And as for truly troubled animals who need more than just a manual, there are, thankfully, many other people are getting their paws, er, hands wet to make a better world a better place: More »
The UN envoy to Myanmar, Ibrahim Gambari, read a statement from Aung San Suu Kyi that she is "ready to cooperate with the government in order to make this process of dialogue a success." This is the same person who won the Nobel Peace Prize for, um, not cooperating with the miltary junta; who chose to stay in the country to serve as a symbol for her supporters rather than tend to her dying husband; and who hasn't been allowed out of the house or made a single public statement since 2003. Until the press conference, which was held in Singapore and not attended by Suu Kyi, Gambari's trip was thought to have failed, but now he's been invited back by the junta, who is trumpeting Suu Kyi's statement in the government-run media. (Yes, I read too much political news. Yes, I might be a paranoid and mistrustful person). [Yahoo News]
