You know what makes me so fucking sad? I look at that picture and all I see is an absolutely adorable little boy. It makes me so sad that he didn't see himself that way. That he couldn't see himself that way.
That second quoted paragraph...I don't know how I made it past the second sentence. It's funny how I'd never put it together but that's the way the thought process goes.
Eesh. I only have a few slip-ups now and then but I still wish I hadn't read it. That is exactly how it goes. Wow.
I had no idea that Bruni had struggled with his weight (really, the only thing I knew about him was that he liked to eroticize his reviews and that he sometimes made reservations as Star Trek Characters--Jim Kirk was a known alias). This is an interesting article to read in light of his recent announcement that he is retiring from the NYT food reviewer post, which, to me, is like a Supreme Court Justice--that's a job you only quit when you die.
I always appreciate hearing from men who suffer from eating disorders. When I was a teen, my dad suffered from anorexia along with his OCD and severe depression. It's so weird whenever I talk about it because NOBODY considers that men also suffer from EDs, and they assume that it has to be linked to image and weight issues, when it can be just as much control and anxiety.
The way he talks about planning -- "you need to have a firm handle on the bathrooms in your life" -- so resonates with everything I've ever heard about EDs being about an effort to control at least that one piece of one's life. This is so well written. I wonder how many people will read it and go "holy fuck - that's me."
Kudos to Bruni for going on record with this, not enough attention is being paid to male eating disorders. I don't know that there even are specific support resources to guide along boys and men who suffer from it, like there are for girls and women.
And that graph is heartbreaking. I had a bulimic best friend in grad school, she's Korean and told me how coming from a culture where women are expected to be petite and dainty, her hearty appetite was a source of mocking within her family ever since she was a toddler.
At puberty, she started purging her meals on the sly--I'll never forget her telling me how she'd carefully stash away plastic shopping bags that she would spread out around the toilet while vomiting, to prevent splattering.
The only other male public figure i can think of who has openly discussed bulimia is John Prescott (former Deputy PM of the UK), and he had to suffer through "bulimic? Wouldn't have picked it HAWHAWHAW!" jokes.
@Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!: I think bulimics get that a lot, since they aren't often pin thin from their ED. It's a more "invisible" ED and because of that often gets taken even less seriously than anorexia (which is already massively misunderstood).
@Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!: I was just about to mention John Prescott. He is also a married heterosexual man from a low income background, so his ED seemed even more unlikely. I admire him for speaking out about it...but I fear the mocking the British press subjected him to may have made other men less likely to speak out about their ED. They should be ashamed, especially since they deified Princess Diana for the same condition.
The toothbrush thing gave me a lump in my throat. My co-workers always thought it was just my quirk that I liked to brush my teeth so often (and in fairness, I do love brushing my teeth), but they didn't know I was "freshening up" in there post-purge.
I read an editorial by Frank Bruni a while ago about his exercise habits, and he basically spends 2-3 hours at the gym every day, in an effort to manage his weight after eating 3,000 calorie dinners every night. When I first read this post, it immediately reminded me of that post and I found myself trying to connect the two, but he seems to have genuinely figured out his issues. If anything, his exercise routine appears to be necessary if you eat like he does. This book sounds fascinating.
my father was bulimic when he was in high school. he was a wrestler, and wrestled in a very low weight class. he developed a really sick relationship with food- fasted for weeks, and then would break down and binge, purge, exercise obsessively. he always said that the best and worst nights of his high school career were the nights that wrestling was over for the season- he would go home and eat for as long as he could, throw up, and eat some more.
thankfully he wasn't good enough to make the college team, and then discovered leftist politics and found a new things to be into.
@southernbitch: Wrestling seems like one of the most dangerous sports for men in terms of weight. I went to high school with twins who were both wrestlers. They were put into different weight classes, and it was simultaneously fascinating and disturbing to see two people with identical genetic material look so different. One was bulked up and one was practically gaunt. On days they had to weigh in they would each carry an empty plastic bottle to spit into to make sure they didn't have any excess water weight. I can only imagine the long term damage that kind of obsession with weight does to a person.
"Bulimia is a logistical and tactical challenge as much as anything else. It demands planning."
Wow, that really resonates. And what's so interesting is that there is so much loss/regaining of control with those behaviors that it is, actually, hard to "plan." I have recently relapsed and I have found that it was a result of opportunity (being alone a lot as a result of my boyfriend working late) than anything else.
When it comes down to it, these disorders impact people regardless of sex, and I think that in and of itself is something very important to recognize. His book sounds really interesting.
@Penny: I appreciate this side of bulimia being presented, because a lot of people just think anorexia = ritualistic, logical, prissy and bulimia = sloppy, slovenly attempts at regaining control. It's good to see someone talking about how there is also ritual, twisted logic, etc involved with bulimia.
@scarletbegonia: Well, sometimes it is that, to be honest. At least for me. But, it is important to not dichotomize the two sets of behaviors (Anorexia v Bulimia/CO) in that way.
@labeled: Yes. It's triggering. But, it's also thoughtful and....correct. So, I don't know, for whatever reason I don't mind it. Even if it has some negative impacts on me, personally.
@Penny: That is exactly why I have such a hard time trying to decide how to talk about triggering things - because we do this weird thing sometimes where by trying not to be triggering, we actually elevate the "thing" into something more than it should be.
I'm hoping that came out (somewhat) the way it sounds in my head.
@labeled: It is, very. But so many things you don't even think can be triggering end up being so, that it has to become a fight about learning how to deal with them instead of just avoiding them. I can't speak for anyone else, but at least in my case, the ghost of my ED is always lurking in the background, so I've had to teach myself to face things instead of just pretending I don't see them.
Recently I read a book called "Willow" about a girl who starts cutting after her parents are killed in a car accident when she was driving. She is saved by having intercourse with a boy she met at her job.
I'm not sure we need thoughtful discussions of subjects our kids would not be aware of if we didn't have so many thoughtful discussions of them. In our attempt to reach the very small population of kids suffering from EDs or self-mutilation, we may be triggering more.
I'm sorry, if I had a daughter, there is no damn way she'd be reading this book. Honestly, I've never seen books or made for TV movies about ED do anything positive for anyone. I am still convinced that there was a relation to the amount of girls with ED in the 90's and the insane amount of 20/20 episodes and lifetime movies about the subject. My sister's face, the first time she saw that Tracy Gold movie, will be burned into my mind forever. I was thinking "Oh good god! Do not want."- but she was seeing something entirely different. It sent chills down my spine.
This takes me back to the height of my ED, especially the equating of lightness with clarity and strength. I hope this can open the door into ED suffering and thinking though, like "Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" or "Motherless Brooklyn" does for autism and Tourette's. People need to hear what its like inside an eating disordered brain because its so much more than just being driven by vanity.
07/17/09
07/16/09
Eesh. I only have a few slip-ups now and then but I still wish I hadn't read it. That is exactly how it goes. Wow.
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
And that graph is heartbreaking. I had a bulimic best friend in grad school, she's Korean and told me how coming from a culture where women are expected to be petite and dainty, her hearty appetite was a source of mocking within her family ever since she was a toddler.
At puberty, she started purging her meals on the sly--I'll never forget her telling me how she'd carefully stash away plastic shopping bags that she would spread out around the toilet while vomiting, to prevent splattering.
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
thankfully he wasn't good enough to make the college team, and then discovered leftist politics and found a new things to be into.
07/16/09
07/16/09
Wow, that really resonates. And what's so interesting is that there is so much loss/regaining of control with those behaviors that it is, actually, hard to "plan." I have recently relapsed and I have found that it was a result of opportunity (being alone a lot as a result of my boyfriend working late) than anything else.
When it comes down to it, these disorders impact people regardless of sex, and I think that in and of itself is something very important to recognize. His book sounds really interesting.
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
07/16/09
I'm hoping that came out (somewhat) the way it sounds in my head.
07/16/09
05/20/09
I'm not sure we need thoughtful discussions of subjects our kids would not be aware of if we didn't have so many thoughtful discussions of them. In our attempt to reach the very small population of kids suffering from EDs or self-mutilation, we may be triggering more.
05/19/09
05/19/09