CRAZY, I had separation anxiety as an older kid too. It would get so bad that even when I was 15, I was crying after a concert because I thought my dad wasn't coming to pick me up. And I too have bad anxiety to this day. Glad to hear there are others like me out there.
@taracorinne: I had pretty bad separation anxiety as a teen, too. I couldn't go to stores by myself and would freak out if my mom and I got separated.
My anxiety seemed to pretty much resolve itself, though--I'm still more anxious than the average person, probably, but not drastically so. Well, by itself and via zoloft for a couple of years. I do have Asperger's, though, so I'm probably always going to be anxiety-prone.
Reading this and the experiences of others feels like a tiny sigh of relief.
I've always struggled with anxiety, but I recently moved to a new city (after living in the same place my entire life) where everything is new and my anxiety has become almost crippling. It's at a level I never thought it could get to. The thought of going out and meeting new people is exhausting, I am incredibly uncomfortable and awkward around people I don't know very well, and I almost never want to leave the house.
This is a huge problem because I am also trying to find a job in this big new city. I'm constantly worried that my anxiety and introvert behavior will be a reason I'm not hired, and I've been going over and over it in my head trying to figure out what is wrong and how I can fix it. Sometimes I don't even want to try for certain jobs I know I would be good at because it seems like this will always be standing in the way of where I want to be in life.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, even though I'm still struggling with it, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only like this. It gives me that little bit of hope that this won't dictate my life and I can have bigger things if I want them. I just want to know that I won't feel like this for the rest of my life.
Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
Anna, meet Anna: I'm sure you'll get along nicely.
This is really timely, as I recently acknowledged that I have some anxiety issues (I tend to shut down/silently freak out in crowds, worry about shit all the time, etc). I took an anti-anxiety pill today and it was amazing. My thoughts slowed down, I could take a deep breathe and just go forward without being overwhelmed. It's a temporary fix, but it's interesting to see what life could be like if I get a better grip on my anxiety.
Oh, sweet mother of mercy--you and I could be twitchy sisters Anna. At 9, I thought my breast buds were actually breast cancer lumps! At 9!!
Just today, I have worried about whether I have 1)H1N1 2)whether I will give it to my daughter who will subsequently die of it 3) Crohn's disease and whether I will need a stoma 4) whether my house will burn down because I want to light a fire in my fire place....and this is just this afternoon.
Of course, at birth my mum described me as screaming, beet red, with my back arched like a contortionist--umh, I dunno its sort of nice to know that I was wired to be an an hypochodriac, catastrophising superfreak....now back for a nice round of "what disease do I have" courtesy of www.wrongdiagnosis.com and medline.
@Witchtit: Your low productivity advisor: I thought the exact same thing about my breasts, at about the same age! It was terrifying, and I was convinced it was spreading to other parts of my body. I have a lot of stomach problems (often caused by anxiety) that I've worried were Crohn's as well. I've learned that the internet is not my friend when it comes to self-diagnosis, but it's so relieving seeing that other people have had the same anxieties as me.
@bananafish67: No, being a worrier and looking up symptoms on the internet is not a good combo. I swear, everything I put into WebMD comes back with plague as a possible cause. Having a family history of practically everything doesn't help, either.
I am an anxious person. I get nervous around people and also worry about something happening to someone. I get a little freaked out when I don't hear from someone or can't get a hold of them and think they are in a car wreck somewhere and what if I don't find out and maybe I should start driving common routes they take to make sure.
I wouldn't say that I'm generally anxious, but I do have a phobia of sharks that is so severe that I will go into a panic attack if I see pictures or video of them. I have to consciously calm myself down whenever I'm in the pool or the ocean, too, and I used to have horrifying nightmares about them. Fear follows everyone, I guess.
@andromedeia: Haha. I have the same problem with insects. Its a crazy show if someone talks about them to long never mind looking at one. *shudder* I'm convinced that they'll make babies in my ear. No one is ever going to convince me different.
I constantly worry. Looking back to my childhood, I know this is an issue I have been dealing with for quite a long time. So long in fact, that I'm realizing being anxious is a normal feeling for me.
There are times that I realize I'm worked up, and I have no reason to be. I don't even have to be thinking any thoughts that would normally cause me to worry. It's just this random sense of impending doom that pops up every so often. Usually the "doom" is a fear that I'll do something stupid that will make people not want to hang around me any more.
I've also realized I tend to feel uncomfortable when I DON'T have something to worry about or feel anxious over.
@AboutToLaugh is longwinded: You know what I do when I don't have something to worry about or feel anxious over? I make something up! Seriously. It was an amazing day when I realized that my crazy cyberchondria always cropped up when things were going really smoothly in my life and I had nothing better to think and worry about all the time.
The good news is that my anxiety has gotten much better as I've gotten older and I'm finally aware of my tendency to create my own worries, so I do a better job of keeping my mind busy with more constructive things. Most of the time.
Anna, I would hug you for this, but I'm afraid I might offend you. I was also convinced I could get pregnant. In third grade. By touching a boy. Even when I had the facts of life explained to me, I still didn't quite get it.
Most docs I've talked to seem to think it's a mix of nature and nurture with me. It's probably not as bad as it used to be. I no longer have a constant marquee running through my head that accuses me of being a lesbian/not being a good enough Christian, or tells me I have some fatal disease and my parents can't bear to break it to me.
Now I just worry about being social and being liked and am convinced everyone is annoyed by me. Intimacy issues, much?
To reference your last paragraph, there is a weird amount of knowing that, as a doctor told me, some people are just more anxious than others. Meds and such can help, but I am never going to be "Oh a cop is pulling me over. Whatever." Hopefully I won't burst into tears and start hyperventilating, though.
@lalaland13: Not offended by internet hugs :) And I thought nobody else ever worried about getting pregnant before they had sex, but there are like 3 people on this thread alone. Similarly, I thought I was the only one who thought I was dying when I got my period -- turns out that's pretty common too.
@Anna N.: I didn't think I was dying, but maybe because it wasn't that heavy and my mom actually managed to get through to my nervous skull just what a period was.
The sex thing may have been influenced by my paranoid religiosity. I think there's even a term called scrupulosity [en.wikipedia.org] to describe it. I was constantly apologizing to God for everything. In my head. Also was certain Jesus would return while I was shopping in Wal-Mart. No wonder I'm more of a Target fan nowadays.
Not just to Anna, but everyone-stuff like this is why I love Jezebel. We are not alone, anxious peeps.
You know, I went to a therapist this summer because I thought I was just an anxious person, and that I must have inherited it from my mom, who was forever having what seemed to be irrational worries about money and ending up a bag lady. Then, only a few weeks into my therapy, it came to light that my dad had remortgaged my parents' house, lied to my mother about money for years, and lied to me about several things just that summer. My parents are being evicted from their home of 24 years this week, and my mom never saw a damn thing coming - or did she, and her anxieties were just that? So now I've decided maybe I wasn't the crazy one. I'm still not quitting my Zoloft though, as it may be the only things getting me through this month. So I'm just saying, there is irrational anxiety (I have experienced that as well, and it's how I was introduced to Zoloft and therapy), then there is justified anxiety, which may be your gut trying to tell you something.
Of course, now I have anxieties that my therapist has diagnosed as survivor's guilt, living decently well and moving into a new apartment when my parents are becoming essentially homeless (they still have a pension and can rent a house or apartment though). And yes, I still frequently believe that I have a strange new disease or that everyone secretly hates me.
There must be some clinical term for when your worst anxieties suddenly become true.
I've spent half of my day with my Outlook closed because I was dreading an email that didn't actually come and I was getting nauseated every time I saw the new message thing come up.
Does that happen to everyone? Or can I join the list of people who relate with this kind of thing?
@tankearae: No, for a long time, I lived in fear of emails from my boss, who was going through some sort of thing and was being very uncharacteristically snarly. Emails are so bad for that kind of thing--it's like leaving a bomb on someone's doorstep and fleeing the scene. I actually almost quit because I was so anxious about communicating with her.
@tankearae: Yep. I have been known to stare nervously at an email from a particularly snippy co-worker for several minutes before finally opening it--and half the time, it's a forward from another department, not even something he wrote.
If I could learn to stop procrastinating, I could probably live a nearly anxiety-free life. As it is, though, I have two magazine articles to write and layouts to do before tomorrow. And I'm still here, typing this. Is there a name for clinical procrastination disorder?
@marshmallory: I've been like that for my whole life, and I think I need some of that nervous energy to fuel the work, but I've lengthened my lead time over the years, as the work has become more involved. So now instead of panicking the night before, I try to panic the week before. It seems to work. Missing deadlines was more anxious than working hard to make them.
"This shoe metaphor is especially apt, given that I tend to become especially anxious after something good happens to me, as though I deserve something bad to even it out."
Anna, get out of my head! This is actually a borderline serious problem for me - I have a really hard time enjoying good things that happen because I am convinced I now owe some huge karmic debt and the universe is going to collect when I least expect it. But see, if I expect it, then it won't happen.
Oh my god, it's even crazier-sounding typed out than it is in my head.
@Anna N.: I did have therapy for this, and the one thing that really helped was when the therapist said, "So, who do you think you are, that you can control the world just by thinking something?" When it gets really bad, I repeat that to myself.
I used to keep a "worry journal" - writing down what I was worried about in the moment, then going back when I was calm, and writing a rational, logical response. Hmm..maybe I should start doing that again!
@FattyCatty: I am a HUGE believer in karma, but it's not just about things that happen to you, it's about the things you make happen as well. So if something great happens to you, and you feel like something bad is going to come, go out and do something nice for someone else. That way it all balances out. That's my thinking, at least.
I cannot remember being without anxiety. It's so interesting how we all have our little things. I'm fairly sanguine about health concerns. But I get very anxious about money, and into a feedback loop where spending makes me feel less anxious, but then more anxious again, because I don't have enough saved or enough coming in. I also have ongoing issues about my relationships with other people, constantly worried they secretly despise me or that they're doing something that damages my reputation without my knowledge. It's very difficult for me to make friends or to trust people I don't know well. I feel very lucky to have friends who do understand me, and who, if necessary, can explain me to people who don't.
As I get older, I feel more okay about the things I do to mitigate my anxiety. I still sometimes force myself to be social when it's important, but other times I let myself withdraw. I set money aside so I don't feel deprived, and have worked hard at getting out of debt and cutting off that particular avenue of distress. It doesn't solve everything, but what does?
@quietlygoingmad: It doesn't help when whatever you were anxious about turns out to be true! You know how it is--if you placate yourself by thinking it's all in your head, and they aren't really talking about you or conspiring against you or cheating on you, and then you find out they are...that just never really goes away.
Coming from someone who took 2 pregnancy tests before I ever had sex...I relate? Even at the time, I knew I was being crazy, but I really thought that I could possibly have blocked out having sex for the first time.
It really helps to be conscious of the rabbit trails my brain diverts to. To grab hold of the thought and stop it before it spirals or to turn of the radio when they mention the recession for the 45th time.
This is one of those pieces that simultaneously calms me and makes me go into anxiety overdrive. Being reminded that other people are as anxious as I am makes me feel a little less alone in my struggles. Yet it also revs up that anxiety-wrecked part of me that I can't seem to quite keep under control. Reading about others' anxious tendencies cause mine to bubble up. Although I can laugh (sort of) at some of them now, (ex: After John Candy died in 1994, 9 year old me would go in to my parents' room every night and check to make sure my healthy, young, happy father was breathing--I did this until I was 11), for the most part I still have to take each day and actively confront those feelings that convince me the shit is about to hit the fan.
Fun Stuff.
That being said, I suppose we all have our demons, and if mine can be largely kept under control with therapy, medication, and remembering to breath, I suppose I should count myself among the lucky.
10/01/09
10/03/09
My anxiety seemed to pretty much resolve itself, though--I'm still more anxious than the average person, probably, but not drastically so. Well, by itself and via zoloft for a couple of years. I do have Asperger's, though, so I'm probably always going to be anxiety-prone.
10/01/09
I've always struggled with anxiety, but I recently moved to a new city (after living in the same place my entire life) where everything is new and my anxiety has become almost crippling. It's at a level I never thought it could get to. The thought of going out and meeting new people is exhausting, I am incredibly uncomfortable and awkward around people I don't know very well, and I almost never want to leave the house.
This is a huge problem because I am also trying to find a job in this big new city. I'm constantly worried that my anxiety and introvert behavior will be a reason I'm not hired, and I've been going over and over it in my head trying to figure out what is wrong and how I can fix it. Sometimes I don't even want to try for certain jobs I know I would be good at because it seems like this will always be standing in the way of where I want to be in life.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, even though I'm still struggling with it, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only like this. It gives me that little bit of hope that this won't dictate my life and I can have bigger things if I want them. I just want to know that I won't feel like this for the rest of my life.
Sorry, I'm feeling extremely emotional today.
10/01/09
Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
Anna, meet Anna: I'm sure you'll get along nicely.
10/01/09
10/01/09
Just today, I have worried about whether I have 1)H1N1 2)whether I will give it to my daughter who will subsequently die of it 3) Crohn's disease and whether I will need a stoma 4) whether my house will burn down because I want to light a fire in my fire place....and this is just this afternoon.
Of course, at birth my mum described me as screaming, beet red, with my back arched like a contortionist--umh, I dunno its sort of nice to know that I was wired to be an an hypochodriac, catastrophising superfreak....now back for a nice round of "what disease do I have" courtesy of www.wrongdiagnosis.com and medline.
10/01/09
10/01/09
I am an anxious person. I get nervous around people and also worry about something happening to someone. I get a little freaked out when I don't hear from someone or can't get a hold of them and think they are in a car wreck somewhere and what if I don't find out and maybe I should start driving common routes they take to make sure.
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/03/09
10/01/09
There are times that I realize I'm worked up, and I have no reason to be. I don't even have to be thinking any thoughts that would normally cause me to worry. It's just this random sense of impending doom that pops up every so often. Usually the "doom" is a fear that I'll do something stupid that will make people not want to hang around me any more.
I've also realized I tend to feel uncomfortable when I DON'T have something to worry about or feel anxious over.
10/01/09
The good news is that my anxiety has gotten much better as I've gotten older and I'm finally aware of my tendency to create my own worries, so I do a better job of keeping my mind busy with more constructive things. Most of the time.
10/01/09
Most docs I've talked to seem to think it's a mix of nature and nurture with me. It's probably not as bad as it used to be. I no longer have a constant marquee running through my head that accuses me of being a lesbian/not being a good enough Christian, or tells me I have some fatal disease and my parents can't bear to break it to me.
Now I just worry about being social and being liked and am convinced everyone is annoyed by me. Intimacy issues, much?
To reference your last paragraph, there is a weird amount of knowing that, as a doctor told me, some people are just more anxious than others. Meds and such can help, but I am never going to be "Oh a cop is pulling me over. Whatever." Hopefully I won't burst into tears and start hyperventilating, though.
10/01/09
10/01/09
The sex thing may have been influenced by my paranoid religiosity. I think there's even a term called scrupulosity [en.wikipedia.org] to describe it. I was constantly apologizing to God for everything. In my head. Also was certain Jesus would return while I was shopping in Wal-Mart. No wonder I'm more of a Target fan nowadays.
Not just to Anna, but everyone-stuff like this is why I love Jezebel. We are not alone, anxious peeps.
10/01/09
Of course, now I have anxieties that my therapist has diagnosed as survivor's guilt, living decently well and moving into a new apartment when my parents are becoming essentially homeless (they still have a pension and can rent a house or apartment though). And yes, I still frequently believe that I have a strange new disease or that everyone secretly hates me.
There must be some clinical term for when your worst anxieties suddenly become true.
10/01/09
Does that happen to everyone? Or can I join the list of people who relate with this kind of thing?
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
Anna, get out of my head! This is actually a borderline serious problem for me - I have a really hard time enjoying good things that happen because I am convinced I now owe some huge karmic debt and the universe is going to collect when I least expect it. But see, if I expect it, then it won't happen.
Oh my god, it's even crazier-sounding typed out than it is in my head.
10/01/09
10/01/09
I used to keep a "worry journal" - writing down what I was worried about in the moment, then going back when I was calm, and writing a rational, logical response. Hmm..maybe I should start doing that again!
10/01/09
10/01/09
As I get older, I feel more okay about the things I do to mitigate my anxiety. I still sometimes force myself to be social when it's important, but other times I let myself withdraw. I set money aside so I don't feel deprived, and have worked hard at getting out of debt and cutting off that particular avenue of distress. It doesn't solve everything, but what does?
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
It really helps to be conscious of the rabbit trails my brain diverts to. To grab hold of the thought and stop it before it spirals or to turn of the radio when they mention the recession for the 45th time.
10/01/09
10/01/09
10/01/09
Fun Stuff.
That being said, I suppose we all have our demons, and if mine can be largely kept under control with therapy, medication, and remembering to breath, I suppose I should count myself among the lucky.