Jezebel 
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New York, 4:47 AM
Sun Nov 8
22 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/23/09
10/25/09
10/25/09
And do something else?
Like, the dishes? #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
I'm currently pregnant and constantly searching for challenging assignments at work only nobody will give them to me. (This is not a change from times when I am not pregnant, I should note.)
FFS, with my first pregnancy I worked full time, went to grad school full time, and tried to keep the house clean. I CAN multitask. Why won't anyone believe me? #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
They have to be implying that this is due to maternity leave. Even though maternity leave is usually only about, what, 3 months? And most women can't afford to take off more time even if they wanted to.
That hardly seems like enough time for that kind of wage gap to still exist if that's what it's supposedly based on. And I think it's telling that we think that taking time off for motherhood somehow means you shouldn't get the same pay for the same work. It's not about different levels of experience, it's about literally not being paid the same when you have the same qualifications.
I do understand that someone who takes off 5 years of working in an office can't just come back in at a higher level than they left. But that's often not what happens. It's like women have to start over completely. As though motherhood doesn't count, and I find that odd. And it shows a very ingrained sexism and hierarchy of what we deem "important". We're all supposed to want to be mothers, but if we take the time to do it, we're financially screwed. Yay? #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
Actually, I don't think you do.
I think you wish you did. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
And it makes you wonder, do those people really:
A) think that women should be solely responsible for bearing the costs of keeping the population of Amurricans replenished, even though it benefits us all (including women like me, who don't really want kids), or;
B) think that the American population should just come to an end, or thinks more lax immigration policies could keep our population growth steady, so that Americans don't have to do the actual reproducing.
C) Oh, and of course, I can't forget the near-eugenics argument-- only women who are wealthy enough to afford to take a financial and career hit should be reproducing anyway. Aka not poor single moms, or poor people. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
If the answer is maternity leave (probably among other things, including sexism), then would more men taking paternity leave level the gap? I can understand a company giving fewer raises to people who don't work for three months, so in my mind the solution would be for more men to take time off to raise children, have a more active role in parenting, etc. This is of course assuming that men would face the same negative career consequences for taking such leaves. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
I don't have any data about this, but it I still have lots of friends in rural areas who take a few years off (until the kids go to school), and my sense anecdotally is that taking 1-2 years off was pretty common even 5 years ago... if so, that could really be skewing both statistics and perceptions of older men in the workforce.
Again, no data here, so I'm genuinely curious. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
10/23/09
I nannied a few years ago and found this to be true for the most part now. Most women couldn't really afford to take more than that small allotted maternity leave without seriously effecting their income.
I think what bothers me is the assumption that motherhood doesn't involve any practical skills that can be applied to the professional work force. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
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So, I'm thinking of instituting more hours in the day. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
She mostly did this because the demands of family and work had gotten to the point where it was seriously impacting her health. She went on a horrible cycle of sinus infection - bladder infection - sinus infection - bladder infection for about a year and a half, mostly stress-related. (I now realize that the early stages of menopause were causing issues too.) My dad and I helped out around the house, but we were busy too (with school and work) and couldn't keep things exactly the way she wanted them. The housekeeper was more than happy to dust just so. It cost about $60/month, which was a small price to pay in comparison to doctor's visits. (I realize this figure is probably way different than what many people would be paying now, in a different area.) #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
I dunno, I'm trying to Zen out, maybe too much. ;) #marcusbuckingham
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10/23/09
But this Buckingham has a point about delegation. Anybody notice how quick men are to delegate in an office environment? #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
Men: not as good with the multi-tasking, but equally as distractible.
And, y'know, what if the presentation is just really boring? What if you'd have to be a dimwit to get something out of it? Then who's the fool - the person giving it rapt attention or the one making productive use of their time?
The Thanksgiving example pisses me off, though. It's probably true that not very many men plan their holiday chores during meetings. But I bet that's because men don't take on half as many holiday chores as women do. Gee, maybe it's the unequal work load at home that's the problem. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
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10/23/09
And holidays, birthday parties, vacations - where lots of planning and staging is involved? Forget about it. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
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10/23/09
She didn't advocate outsourcing your whole life per se but she said to figure out what tasks you hate to do the most and delegate/outsource/eliminate as many of them as possible, so you can focus on the things you like to do, thereby maximizing your happiness and feelings of success.
She also said that it's important to do things you love, and it's important to make a living. If you can do them both at the same time, you're very lucky. If you can't, do something you at least like for a living and make time for the stuff you love in your personal life.
I think that's pretty practical advice, not Pollyanna-ish, or shaming people for not being happy enough, and doesn't assume that feminism has made women dissatisfied. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
Which is a nice idea if the tasks you hate to do the most are optional (as opposed to, say, washing dishes) or if you have someone to whom to delegate the tasks, which many people do not. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
I'm hardly middle-class at this point: underemployed, no paid benefits...etc. I have eddumacation and some ambition and would like to go back to school. Even under these admittedly tight financial circumstances I outsource some of my personal and professional tasks so that I focus on my goals and responsibilities. Cleaning my home takes way more time than I have and I get easily distracted doing it - so I hire someone to do the deep cleaning once a month. I'd rather live without a new item of clothing for a season than live in a messy place. Also I have a collective of like minded women associates that I can hire to handle some of my other tasks and vice-versa (I do marketing). It's great to have this group of resourceful women in my network because they get "it". I grew up in a home where success was being able to manage everything around you. Eventually I refused that way of thinking because it led to a breakdown and therapy. I am all the more happier to pay someone capable the little extra I have so I can peace of mind to focus on things that really matter to me. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
And getting outside help isn't necessarily a full-time thing. Lots of average-income people use services like tax preparers, movers, or carpet cleaners when they could probably do the jobs themselves, if they had the time or inclination.
And most people use hairdressers, mechanics, and dry cleaners nowadays, but it wasn't always that way. We just got acclimated to it.
But I get what you're saying completely. I would love to have a once-a-week housekeeper. It would really improve my quality of life. But I can't swing it financially at this point. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
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Oh, do I know how that goes. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
case in point: my parents outsourced lots of chores they didn't want to do to the kids, only for them to discover that we didn't do it their way. #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
Really? Is this woman serious? Not everyone is a senior partner at Ernst & Young. Not everyone can afford to outsource all the unpleasant tasks in their lives. It's not about whether we choose to forego scrapbooking our children's lives (and, as an aside -- for many women, scrapbooking is not an obligation, it's something they enjoy that relieves the stress of all the other crap). It's about the basic things that have to happen on a day-to-day basis to keep our lives vaguely functional -- grocery store, dry cleaners, laundry, whatever. For many of us, if we do not do these things, they do not get done because there is no one else to do them and we can't afford to hire someone to do it for us.
I'd love to do only the invigorating things. Does anyone know a housekeeper/errand runner/personal assistant who wants to work for me for free? #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
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10/23/09
Obviously, I just fell off the crazy train. ;) #marcusbuckingham
10/23/09
10/23/09
(Sorry about that, wasn't totally clear, mustn't Jezebel at work, SomeAuthorGirl.... oh, who are we kidding?) #marcusbuckingham