Taco Bell's New Sriracha Menu Is Heretical and Must Be Stopped

According to reports, Taco Bell is testing a new menu in which Sriracha is poured over traditional menu items such as tacos, nachos, and other mysterious, vaguely-pornographic-sounding things like the “Sriracha Loaded Griller” and the “Sriracha Quesarito.” So far the items are only available in Kansas City, which must now be quarantined because this is how Contagion started.

There is, of course, a strong cult behind Sriracha, and a movement to combine it with anything imaginable: Sriracha popcorn, Sriracha bread, even Sriracha salt. But branding it and pairing it with Mexican food (even though Taco Bell’s definition of Mexican food is extremely liberal and QUESARITOS ARE NOT A REAL THING) is a goddamn travesty. I say this as a fan of “fusion,” of unexpected Food Brand Pairings (TM), but this shit is just fucking wrong and I won’t stand for it. FOR ONE, Sriracha’s taste is very distinct and overpowering, and the whole point of salsa in Mexican cuisine is to enhance the natural flavors of whatever the hell you’re eating, like SPICES. You don’t even need that much, just get some tomatoes, roasted chili pepper seeds, a little salt, mash that shit in a molcajete and you’re straight. Sriracha on a taco is just going to drown the subtle flavor of the meat and/or vegetables, without actually being all that spicy to begin with.