Sorority Girls Allegedly Shitting All Over Mississippi State's Campus

End of summer got you down in the dumps? You’re not alone. In fact, nowhere in America is it shittier right now than it is on Mississippi State’s campus, where a roving band of feral female undergraduates are allegedly shitting all over the place in an attempt to impress their desired sorority with their prolific buttholes.

According to a tipster who reached out to Total Sorority Move, Mississippi State is swirling with rumors that freshman ADPi sisters are behind a series of mysterious dumps that have appeared in locations as diverse of the Pi Kappa Alpha front lawn, the top of a cooler, and a trashcan. The tipster claims that the poops were “confirmed” to have been left by two separate ADPi pledges, and helpfully attached an image of one of the aforementioned poops to bolster their case.

In my professional opinion, it is a photo of a genuine photo of poop.

Anonymous messaging app Yik Yak is also ablaze with rumors that the ADPi girls are behind the shits, especially since the story got picked up by TFM and TSM.

But is this a story we should take at face value? After all, it would be easy to perpetuate a rumor like this with a little elbow grease and a small gaggle of literal shit-stirrers determined to frame ADPi girls for things they didn’t actually do. Fraternity pledges, perhaps? Anarcho-Greeks eager to #disrupt the pledging process? A rival sorority, operating under the cover of darkness, bowels brimming with mischief and excrement? We need our top agents on this.