So POTUS and George Costanza Step Onto a Golf Course...

In what must, must, MUST someday be turned into a future Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, Barack Obama, President of These United States, played golf on Martha's Vineyard with Larry David. It was no doubt an awkward experience, perhaps made more awkward by Real-Life George Costanza's gentle suggestion that he'd always thought it'd be better to have more jokes in the State of the Union Address. You know, keep it light.

Who wants to stay up all night watching the president recite a book report on America? Where would the harm be in making light of America's current challenges? Hey, my fellow Americans, have you heard about this Bashar al-Assad guy? The way he's trying to stay relevant, you'd think he was Jerry Seinfeld or something. Baaaaaa-dum-tsss. [Politico]

  • Lisa Robin Kelly's estranged husband Robert Gilliam is blaming Kelly's boyfriend for the actress's untimely death, claiming that Kelly, in an effort to get away from her boyfriend, called Gilliam "22 times" in recent weeks. [NYDN]
  • More sad news — it may be weeks before toxicology reports reveal what sent Kelly into cardiac arrest Wednesday night. [TMZ]
  • Let's just get all the unpleasant news out of the way, shall we? TMZ's thorough perusing of former Bachelor contestant Gia Allemand's Twitter account revealed that, before she hanged herself, she was tweeting a lot about how awful it is to be bullied. [TMZ]
  • Okay, good news! Madonna's birthday party was, as you can tell, a maelstrom of good times. [Instagram]
  • Meanwhile, Lady Gaga is having a rough go of it after ARTPOP's release was spoiled by the leak and premature debut of "Applause," ARTPOP's red-headed step-track that virtually no one likes. [NME]
  • K-Fed is still waiting patiently, like a leopard, for Britney Spears to congratulate him on his marriage to Victoria Prince last weekend in Vegas. [TMZ]
  • 50-Cent says he lost an arbitration case against Sleek Audio because the judge is a racist curmudgeon who doesn't care for that rap music the kids are listening to these days. [TMZ]
  • Robert "BRING THE PAIN" Pattinson was shoving people like Batman on PCP outside the Troubador when he accidentally shoved a security guard. [TMZ]
  • ER star Eriq La Salle just sold his fancy Beverly Hills mansion for $4.3 million, news only worth mentioning because the house has a really, really cool terrace/deck/patio. [TMZ]
  • Lucy Liu went antiquing with a guy that could play one of Lorelai Gilmore's nice-enough older gentleman callers who seems really swell until Lorelai realizes he gets along way too well with her dad and it's totally creepy. [Zimbio]
  • Donald Faison and CaCee Cobb now have a son. They're really show-offy about it, too. [People]
  • Shockingly, Amanda Seyfried, an actress whom a distressing number of critics have described as "saucer-eyed" in an effort to call her "innocent" without sounding like pedantic dicks, has no problem with sex. It's not gross or anything, just a fun fact about life. [The Independent]
  • Some weirdo chocolatiers made a chocolate bust of Mario Lopez's torso that oddly looks nothing like Mario Lopez. [AdWeek]
  • A ghost was spotted leaping into a car in Ventura County, California. [TMZ]
  • Well, fuck. August Schellenberg, whom you may best remember as Randolph Johnson from the Free Willy franchise, has died from lung cancer at age 77. [BBC]

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