Image via Getty.

Jonathan Cheban, a carbon-based being who has somehow lucked into the profession of Kardashian Friend, was interviewed by GQ’s Joshua David Stein. The interview went very well.

Cheban, aka @FoodGod, has decided that his new career is talking about food. Specifically, the expensive, kind of mediocre food that constitutes a numbing backdrop to the lives of extremely wealthy people with bad taste. In the interview, GQ accompanies Cheban to dinner at Tao.

Advertisement

You should read the whole thing here—it is a work of art—but in the meantime, here are six things that Jonathan Cheban said.

On the types of things that he loves:

“I love Tao,” he says, slipping into the large booth that overlooks the room. “I think, it’s like, I love places.”

On his amazing talent:

“This is what I do. I need to read it and then smell out what’s going to be amazing. It’s a talent. Like I can look at the menu and just look at the ingredients and be like, This will end up being amazing.”

On rock shrimp:

“Rock shrimp is so generic. Anyone I go to Nobu with who gets rock shrimp, I freak out on them. Every novice is like, Can I have the rock shrimp? Then I’m always like, Don’t order rock shrimp with me. It’s such a bad look on the table. It cheapens me. I’m embarrassed about it. That’s the stuff I ordered for the first 10 years eating at Nobu.”

On branding:

Sometimes he styles himself Foodgōd—“It makes it pop!” he says, “and it looks like a halo!” Sometimes he doesn’t bother with the macron. “I’m a food environmentalist,” he says, “I’m about the food and the ambiance.”

On Nobu:

“Nobu Nobu Nobu,” says Cheban.

On branding, again:

“I definitely want to be like a Guy Fieri or Anthony Bourdain for the young and hot. That would be amaaazing.”

It really would be.