Seal Your Girl Bond And Your Vagina With Friends Forever Tampons

Sure, you may brag to the girls in the locker room that you’ve synced cycles with your super swell best friend. But until we see you Donald Ducking it together on the couch, tethered by the string of a dual tampon, we remain suspicious of your so-called “friends forever” status.

That’s a little excessive, you may—naïvely—argue. And so to you I respond: don’t fucking tell me that Claudia Kishi and Stacy McGill wouldn’t have attended Babysitter’s Club meetings connected both by the potency of love and a Friends Forever Tampon.

It’s too late for Claudia and Stacy, but not for you. Created by Kat Thek, the Friends Forever Tampon allows you to anoint your most sacred bond in menstrual blood. The concept, as The Cut explains, is simple: “two tampons joined by one string.” But should you require a visual, worry not, I can provide:

Thek emphasizes to The Cut that this symbolically saturated product can only be enjoyed by the most intimate of friends. So, if you’re not bleeding in unison, you should either reevaluate your friendship wholesale or, as Thek helpfully suggests, “Maybe take a road trip and try again next month.”

But, you exclaim, wringing your hands, I can’t wear tampons! How will my bestie and I Instagram irrefutable proof that we are the Anne Shirley and Diana Barry of the millennial generation? Easy, easy. Thek assures us that “Friends Forever Maxi Pads will make it easy to get into the flow and ride horses/dance in white pants with your best friend.”

Needless to say, Jezebel wholeheartedly endorses this menstrual innovation and eagerly anticipates the day that we can make manifest our feminist sympathy with a many-headed tampon—The Hydra, one might call it—yoking our vaginas to mirror our entwined souls.