Schick Quattro Ads Are About As Subtle As Bai Ling's Wardrobe

The folks at AdFreak brought these Schick Quattro ads to our attention, wherein the ol’ pubic hair/bush connection is used to maximum effect in an attempt to sell lady-razors. “It’s time to mow the lawn!”

Whereas male razor commercials are all about power and speed and performance, these commercials send a cheeky little message to women everywhere: you can totally use this to shave your pubic area. But instead of just saying, “Works great on your bikini line,” or some such, the folks at Schick Quattro have taken another approach, developing a sing-songy jingle that involves women dancing in front of bushes, holding hairless cats, and warbling lyrics like, “Feeling rough around the edges? It’s time to trim the hedges!” Adoooorable.

A second ad shows women powering through their day as the bushes around them get smaller and smaller, because nothing says, “I’m more of a woman now, thank god” than shaving your pubes. Am I right? I mean, really.

Now listen. I understand the difficulty in marketing a product like this: you’re never going to see a commercial wherein a woman says, “I use this razor to shave my pubic hair, and I love it.” It’s just not going to happen. And though the shrinking bushes ad is somewhat gross, it’s effective, and slightly less offensive than the hideous sing-along ad, which just feeds into the notion that women are gross, bad, or weird if they don’t “mow the lawn.” I mean, the song begins with a woman talking about how blue she is, and that her favorite thing to do in such situations is to “mow the lawn.” Give me a fucking break.

But still: why can’t we just have a product for women that isn’t advertised beneath a layer of happy bird singing, tulip sprouting, pastel-wearing, Stepford bullshit? Nobody gives a shit about the happiness your pube shaving gives you. Nobody wants to go to dinner with your annoying doctor friend who won’t shut the fuck up about the side effects of Yaz. Nobody wants to have a happy fucking period. Nobody needs to hear about how unwomanly you feel when you have to wear your gray hoodie because you aren’t using Vagisil. And nobody needs to hear that when you’re “feeling untidy” you “spruce up your Aphrodite.” Why can’t we just be straightforward about products for women? We all use and need these things; why can’t we just be as obvious about personal hygiene products as men are? “You need this because it does this and it’s effective at this, the end.” Is a cartoony musical really necessary? I think not.