Ron Perlman, Piss Hero

Ron Perlman, aka Hellboy, was not who I expected to become the unsung hero of Monday, June 25, 2018. But unless someone else steps up in the next hour, he’s clinched the victory. Because? Because:

The genius of this move lies in the fact that it’s gross yet subtle; a quiet, unsanitary burn known only to the pisser. I guess it’s also a bummer for everyone else who shakes Weinstein’s hand thereafter, but my guess is that your first move after touching him is to run straight to the bathroom to wash off anyway.

This tweet contains multitudes, but what really makes me wonder is the last part—the certainty that this probably also happens to Trump on the reg before he plunges his little paws into a his nightly lard trough. Is hand-pissing normal?! I am not a man, and have no male sources in my immediate vicinity with the exception of my plants, Elio and Oliver, who are not responding to requests for comment. Readers, tell me: Should I start doing it?* Should all of us? The comments were created for this discussion.