Rihanna Walks the Runway At a Vogue Ball; I DIE

My two main interests in this cold and barren life, Rihanna and vogue balls, have converged into one viral video that can only result in one thing: my death.

On Saturday in New York City, the iconic houses of Miyake-Mugler threw ” Porcelain: a Sanctuary of Ostentatious Extravagance,” aka a vogue ball in Astoria. Its extravagance was sufficient enough to attract one and only Badgalriri, who joined Balmain creative director Olivier Rousteing for her first-ever vogue ball, and who was no-doubt immediately summoned to the runway by the commentator. She instagrammed, “When they shout you out at a #MuglerBall it pretty much means “Get yo black ass on this stage NOW”!!'” Yes it does. Here is Rihanna walking:

Okay, I’m gonna get real, now. Rihanna deserves her tens just for being Rihanna, although her walk does leave a tiny bit to be desired. She starts out STRONG, but once she hits the end of the runway, during what should be her shining moment, she gets a little visibly self conscious. Which is adorable! Rihanna being self-conscious is rare! But were she going for the trophy, she would have had to walk all the way back just as confidently as she walked out, strutting to the commentator’s trill of “Ri ri ri ri ri Rihaaaaanna.” But no one died and made me judge, so let’s just reiterate that she gets tens just for being Rihanna. Here’s that video from another angle, with a little quasi-salsa at the end:

Also getting tens: the House of Miyake-Mizrahi’s ” porcelain preamble.” An excerpt:

In the colonnade of an Egyptian temple the principle eunuch carries a golden tray and walks haughtily toward a central isle. Upon the tray is an object, which cannot be seen for it is translucent and lies nearly flat aside a bottle carved from a large gem and filled with a rare and precious essence. The eunuch is clad only in a loincloth spun of pure gold. His skin is flawless and glistens in the sun. Shadows are cast from his toned body. Muscles protrude as his sculpted form passes the colossal beams. He is living art that leaves the aroma of lily in the distance. His eyes are almond shaped—ornate with tracings of coal and they bat, with the gaze of an eagle as he struts forward.

Said eunuch was beckoning all the stars, apparently, because voguing musician FKA twigs and alleged boyfriend Robert Pattinson headed there as well, right after her sold-out show at Terminal 5 in Manhattan. Yes, Edward Cullen attended a ball. (Paparazzi photos seem to think that twigs, Rob, and Rihanna were all hanging out together, which would be amazing.) Here’s legendary Jack Mizrahi teasing Rob, and twigs jokingly defending her man:

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Also, shout to Mink Xtravaganza for winning the grand prize. Here’s more runway from that ish. True ostentatious extravagance was accomplished.