Remember That Time You Got Totally Wasted On Vodka Tampons?

A Colbert Report staffer has recently become a father and as such, Stephen Colbert feels its his duty as a fellow dad to warn him of the “unimaginable terror” of local news stories. One local news story that is particularly horrifying is about the supposed teen trend referred to as “boofing,” “slimming,” “butt-chugging,” and “vodka-tamponing.” It is exactly what you might have guessed (or maybe you didn’t, because you are pure of heart and mind): inserting tampons soaked with alcohol into your No-No Danger Zone. Everyone is apparently doing it, prompting Colbert to issue a warning: “Parents! Everywhere in America boys are soaking tampons and literally getting drunk off their asses.”