Princeton Mom/Troll Who Told Girls to Snag Husbands Gets Book Deal

The Princeton University alumna and all-knowing sage who warned female students to trap a husband before senior year or face certain doom landed a book deal, in which she will share “uncomfortable truths” about “having it all” (impossible, unless your husband went to Princeton).

Susan Patton, class of 1977 and mother of two Princetonian sons — one’s still single and on campus, ladies, although “the universe of women he can marry is limitless,” since he lives in a dorm in New Jersey — doled out some hard-hitting advice in the Daily Princetonian back in March that rivaled Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth: “Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.”

Now, aspiring Princeton wives will be able to read her advice in print. Gallery books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, announced this week that Smarten Up!: Words of Wisdom from the Princeton Mom is scheduled to come out in the spring of 2014. Gallery promises Patton will share “uncomfortable truths” about “marriage and motherhood and what could happen if students wait too long.” Who wants to launch the Change.org campaign?

Dear (female) reader: you’re worthless without an Ivy League Prince by your side. You’re also old. I’ll have my book deal now, thanks!