Porn Site Won't Take Down JLaw's Nudes Until She Proves She Owns Them

A porn site hosting stolen nude photos of celebrities has told Jennifer Lawrence’s people that it will not remove the images from their servers until Jennifer Lawrence can prove that she owns the copyright. Of pictures of her own naked body.

According to the New York Post, Lawrence’s lawyers reached out to the porn site hosting the pictures, citing copyright infringement. But the site fired back that because some of the pictures weren’t selfies, she didn’t own copyright. Further, the site said it wouldn’t comply with the request until whoever owned the copyright contacted them with proof they owned the copyright. Whoever selfied it delfied it, says the law. (Puts cell phone in blender, while smiling and maintaining eye contact. Turns blender on. Sticks hand in blender.)

Let this be a lesson to everyone, celebrity or not: if you don’t want photos of your naked body to be distributed to millions of soulless garbage people, don’t let anyone else take pictures of you without your clothes on or even ever take your clothes off and if you must take your clothes off make sure you don’t have boobs or a buttcrack and if you must have boobs and a buttcrack and take your clothes off and be photographed naked by someone who isn’t you, make sure they specify in their will that you inherit all of their picture copyrights after they die. Then — and this is the most important step — you murder them.

And that’s how you keep private naked photos you took on your cell phone from getting on the internet.