Look, any ad willing to describe a bowel movement in terms of birthing “a creamy behemoth” from “cavernous bowels” has a good head on its shoulders. That said, Poo-Pourri’s latest exploits a familiar meme, that of the fancy shitting lady. Get it?? Because ladies, especially fancy ones, don’t poop, and if they do poop, surely it doesn’t smell like rancid turkey trimmings.
Poo-Pourri, a spray that paranoid poopers are supposed to apply to a toilet bowl pre-poop the way a grounds crew might comb a baseball diamond’s infield before a game, is trying to appeal to the nervous white-collar worker forced into the ignominious position of pooping at the office. Nobody wants their personal foulness exposed, even if it is true that everyone poops. But you know what? Pooping is a shameful, vulnerable moment when we all have to be reminded how humiliating it is to be an animal. Have you ever stared at your dog while it’s pooping? That dog knows what it’s doing is gross. It knows that if a mountain lion ambushed it right then, it’d be totally fucked. We should all be ashamed of our poo, both genders, equally, because poop undermines all of our intellectual and social pretensions. In the bathroom stall, we’re all just quivering-sphinctered cretins nervously spraying perfumed oil into a toilet and hoping our butts don’t make gross trumpet noises.