PETA Launching Animal Friendly Porn Site

Great news, weirdos! PETA is launching a porn site! Finally, they can skip the “we love animals!” charade and get right down to bringing us the tits they’ve been all about showcasing this entire time.

According to the International Herald Tribune, this latest venture isn’t designed to just help random internet perverts spank their monkeys; it’s also going to bring awareness to the plight of animals,

The aim of launching the Web site is to raise awareness of veganism by offering pornographic material alongside graphic footage of animal mistreatment.

Pornography alongside graphic footage of animal mistreatment? Is this a non-profit that supports the welfare of animals or a college sophomore’s performance art project?

But don’t worry. The pictures of suffering animals won’t be all over the site! They’ll just appear after you’ve been watching porn for awhile.

Internet surfers who visit the x-rated site will initially be presented with animal rights groups too salacious for TV ads and campaigns. However, the sexy side of PETA, illustrated in its galleries and videos will give way to the horrific mistreatment of animals on factory farms, with pictures and video shot undercover by the group’s hidden camera investigations.

Boobs, boobs, penis, vagina, crying cow with broken legs! This is an idea that can’t possibly fail!

I’ve never pretended to “get” PETA, and I continue to not “get” what they’re trying to do here. Are people supposed to associate the naked female form with hot dog manufacturing? Are teenage boys the world over about to spring Pavlovian erections upon passing meat packing plants? Will the men in the porns use vegetarian descriptors to encourage more vigorous servicing of their penises? Will “peel the cucumber! Peel it, baby!” become a thing? Anyway, porn. Ergo, you become a vegetarian.