PepsiCo Claims Reports of 'Lady Doritos' Are 'Inaccurate' 

“Lady Doritos,” an idea so behind its time it was almost default-visionary as a meme for the Internet to yell at, was never going to happen, PepsiCo now claims.

For context: The January 31 episode of the “Freakonomics Radio” podcast featured an interview with PepsiCo chief executive Indra Nooyi who patiently explained gender essentialism through the prism of Doritos chips:

“It’s not a male and female as much as, ‘Are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon…. As you watch a lot of the young guys eat chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste. Women I think would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.”

Needless to say, there was outrage…..

….and at least one helpful suggestion.

By Monday night, even PepsiCo was acting like this was a bad idea (and never theirs), insisting in a statement that sounds as if it were workshopped by a thousand chill millennials and one lawyer, “The reporting on a specific Doritos products for female consumers is inaccurate. We already have Doritos for women—they’re called Doritos, and they are enjoyed by millions of people every day.”

The New York Times reported on Tuesday that when asked what Nooyi meant by “snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently,” a PepsiCo spokesperson declined to comment.

Personally, I’m a bit miffed there will be no additional alternative to Doritos. To be clear I’m not upset for myself, as my snack tastes are firmly entrenched, but I am thinking of future generations and the fact that Doritos are disgusting.