Paul Ryan Is Having a Funky Fresh Snowstorm

By Julianne Escobedo Shepherd  |  January 22, 2016 | 8:30pm
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As the biggest and most important news the nation has ever faced, Winter Blizzard 2016 is, obviously, being livestreamed on House Speaker Paul Ryan’s personal YouTube page, from the vantage point of the Speaker’s balcony. But more intriguing than the act of watching snow (not) fall gently into a haze of inclement weather in our nation’s capital is the funky, groovy, and vibey tune looping behind the scene.

There’s no vocalist, so that listeners may better embed themselves into the stoniness of its vibrations, particularly on the extremely sick guitar riff (a hollow-bodied electric with a bit of flanger on it, no doubt) that noodles over its four-four house beat and inspiring club synthesizer bridge.

While Speaker Ryan does not identify the song’s title nor its artist, it is feasibly the most Paul Ryan song ever created—a sufficient BPM for working out and giving the illusion of being cool by rights of being young and smiling BUT upon closer examination really a wooden, hollow facsimile of truly cool songs/men in order to cover up the fact that the song/he are both nefariously conservative.

Paul Ryan is using this song to get over on millennials. Don’t let him win!!

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