Open Call: Your Deranged Emails From Sorority Sisters

The Greek system is full of many amusements — silly rush costumes, bizarre rituals, spirited binge drinking, the occasional racist party theme — but emails are particularly entertaining. They lift the veil on the internal doings of a purportedly special club, the existence of which thrives, in large part, on its exclusivity. And people love getting a peek of something unseemly, particularly when it proves that the overblown, sunny concept of a big ol’ “sisterhood” is a joke.

There’s no greater testament to this fascination than the exceptionally deranged tirade from University of Maryland student and Delta Gamma member Rebecca Martinson that went viral last week (and gained the attention of no less than Michael Shannon, who did a fantastic reading of the email). While vicious listserv emails certainly aren’t limited to sororities, the delighted frenzy surrounding Martinson’s email suggests that there’s something particularly compelling about sorority rage. Beneath the well-polished veneer of pretty party girls (who occasionally do charity work), darkness simmers. Granted, this tension is not a universal sorority condition — it depends on the house — but social pressures and expectations, combined with the all-too-true stereotype of competition amongst girls en masse, creates a volatile environment prone to explosion.

In short, what’s bubbly and fun on the outside sometimes belies an imperfect reality, something often unspoken that rears its ugly head once in awhile and then goes back into hiding before the next four-way foam party.

But it was ever thus. Martinson is just one in a long line of bitchy sorority girls (I say this having been one myself), and for as long as there’s been email, there have been Crap Emails From a Sister. Chances are, if you are or were in a house, you know exactly what I’m talking about: stern dictatorial missives and/or outright rude or cruel commentary.

I’ve unearthed an example from my own college years, circa 1999 — vintage! — regarding a nonsensical fundraiser wherein chapter members were required to sell pocket knives. (Great idea.)

I’ll let the sisterhood take it from here.

hello ladies,

I am truly sorry to those of you to whom this does not apply… but for the rest of you assholes.. I am pissed.

Okay… I have called all of you who have not paid me…emailed you… set up times to collect the $$$… and yet you have still let me down. This is it!! I think all of you who owe me money are aware of it!!! NOW GIVE ME IT!!

I have to say… I am exteremly angry at those of you who I set up times to meet with… like today at the diag at three… and did not show up! Do you think I have time to run and track all of you down… No I do not…infact I know for a fact.. that my life is as busy as all of yours if not more…. so FUCK YOU!!!

NEVER EVER MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME AND MISS IT WITH OUT CALLING AND CANCELLING!!! I have a shit load of work… so FUCK YOU!!!!

I have alot of tolerance… but not for people who waste my time…. and to those of you who have not returned my phone calls… please do…

If you have problems paying do the smart thing..it does not take a rocket scientist… and call [redacted] and then call me… and tell me you don’t have to pay… so I do not have to be a bitch…. cause I really don’t like barking people out!!!

Furthermore… this is way not cool…. thanks girls… for really being wonderful sisters!!! I understand that this sucks… paying for shit that you don’t what… but it was for a great cause… education… which I take seriously…. and you should too…