If there’s one thing God hates, it’s sin. And if there are two things God hates, it’s sin and yogurt. And if there are three things that grind His gears, it’s sin, yogurt, and steamy, sensual lesbians feeding each other Satan’s own fermented lactobacillus bulgarius. Who, O Lord, will speak for the righteous, hetero, Almighty-fearing yogurt eaters?

You guessed it: One Million Moms, the perpetually outraged, anti-everything ladies auxiliary of the American Family Association, who this week are clutching their pearls so hard they turn to powder over a new Chobani ad that involves a lady sensually eating yogurt in bed, then equally sensually stroking the foot of her bedmate, who is also a lady.

One Million Moms fumes that these dang lesbians and their horrifying yogurt are creating a new age Sodom and Gomorrah, right here on earth:

Chobani should be ashamed of their latest commercial for attempting to normalize sin by featuring two women naked in bed together. The newest commercial for Chobani yogurt has two nude women in bed while one lovingly strokes the other’s foot. This commercial not only promotes same sex relationships by including two lesbians, but also same sex marriage because the two women wear matching wedding bands. The ad states, “To Love this Life is to Live it Naturally.” There is nothing natural about homosexuality.

What does selling yogurt have to do with gay sex? Nothing at all, but Chobani wants to make the association. One Million Moms continues to stand up for Biblical truth, which is very clear in Romans 1:26-27 about this particular type of sexual perversion.

One Million Moms is asking its army of Mom Warriors to contact Chobani, “urging them to pull this inappropriate commercial immediately and remain neutral in the culture war. Also, let Chobani know that continuing to air this ad and offensive advertisements in the future will force your family to make the decision to no longer purchase Chobani products.”

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One thing that’s always fun to think about here is how hard One Million Moms has to watch these ads: scanning, rewinding, pausing with horror on the split-second frame showing a Demonic Gay Wedding Ring on a Be-Lesbianed Finger. It’s almost like they get a lil’ titillation out of being shocked! It’s almost like that!

Besides doing God’s work in the cultured dairy products arena, One Million Moms is also busy protesting Poise for “distasteful” ads about bladder leaks and David’s Bridal for advertising on a show with trans people in it. Truly, the minor affronts to the Lord never cease.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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