Once Again, Marco Rubio Refuses to Be Donald Trump's Running Mate With a Proverbial 'Hell Naw'

By JE Reich  |  May 11, 2016 | 3:25am
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It looks like we should start planning certified robot Marco Rubio’s belated bar-mitzvah, because it looks like the GOP’s babiest automaton has turned into a real boy—at least when it comes to refusing to publicly back presumptive GOP nominee/withered Cheeto behind your couch Donald Trump.

Well, sort of.

In an interview on Tuesday with anchor Jake Tapper on CNN’s The Lead, the former GOP hopeful and current Florida senator once again flatly denied the possibility of running on the same ticket as his former rival.

“It would be impossible,” Rubio stated, citing his lack of advisers currently “out in the field.”

“I stand by the things that I said,” Rubio went on to insist, while referring to Trump as an “erratic con-man” who should not be given nuclear codes—which is all probably correct, considering that Trump seems to think that nuclear warfare is about the same as playing Sid Meier’s Civilization II.

Despite his apparent disdain, Rubio also stated his reluctance to “become [Trump’s] chief critic over the next six months,” adding that the evident GOP nominee, who I have decided resembles a leather satchel abandoned by a tourist in the Mojave desert, “deserves the opportunity to go forward and make his argument and try to win.”

While Rubio refused to give Trump an official endorsement, the senator also reiterated his investment in party unification, alluding to a pledge he signed earlier in the primary to support the eventual GOP nominee—whoever it turned out to be.

“I signed a pledge, put my name on it, and said I would support the Republican nominee and that’s what I intend to do,” said Rubio. (But then again, who knows if that will stick.)

When Tapper asked the senator if he plans to make an appearance at the upcoming Republican National Convention in July, Rubio replied that he was “I’m open to going.”

(This is more or less the equivalent of an angsty tween being asked if she’ll still be going to the middle school dance despite the fact she doesn’t have a date, answering with “ugh whatever lame,” and then riding off into the sunset on her Razor scooter.) (Not like I have any personal experience with that one or anything.)

Even if we can all safely bet that Rubio will not serve as Trump’s running mate (or for that matter, befall the same fate as Chris Christie, who is probably a zombie at this point), it’s difficult to surmise whether Trump actually has an idea of who his VP will be, either. When asked at a press conference on Tuesday about how many people he is currently vetting for the slot, the GOP contender gave reporters his patented mix of infant babble and—well, infant babble.

“I have a list of people that I would like,” replied the only living human whose face is but a mouth and a hairpiece, which he claimed included “five or six people.”

(Upon reading that, did anyone else get some pretty big Dubya flashbacks? Can we confirm Dick Cheney’s whereabouts? Conspiracy theories: GO.)

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Image via Getty.

 
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