The day in which we all must sacrifice our young upon an altar to corporatocracy looms ever closer: Ohio State University is planning to name its new emergency department after Abercrombie & Fitch, a clothing company that peddles jean shorts and graphic tees about being horny and/or drunk and/or confused to teenagers.
Spiritually, Abercrombie & Fitch is based in a special circle of hell which is guarded by bathing suit-clad demons. It's constantly spritzed with a perfume culled from the tears of your parents, late at night, wondering if their baby will ever stop texting and sulking, and it's filled with the thunderous soundtrack of abjection — on the mortal plane, though, it's based in New Albany, Ohio. Being from Ohio, the company endeavors to give back to the community, which is surprisingly generous and kind: in recent years, A&F has donated over $10 million to Ohio State University's medical center. In addition, Les Wexner, who owns the business conglomerate to which Abercrombie belonged, has donated $100 million to the school itself.
(The company also helped to create the Abercrombie & Fitch Chair in Inflammatory Bowel Disease, which is also, coincidentally, a common nickname for its current CEO.)