Oh Good, Michelle Duggar Teaches Her Daughters To Not Dress Slutty

In case you were worried Michelle Duggar wasn’t teaching her daughters, all 75,312* of them, not to dress like sluts, you can put your mind at ease!

Duggar, who is married to a man who made his family famous by having a lot of babies with her, wants to make sure all of us know, she’s on top of the whole no-slutty-dressing thing.

My daughters are the second generation of modest dressing in this family.

Wait, there’s like a generational, hand-me-down code for dressing less whore-y? Damn, all I got from my mother was a twice-used Red Lobster discount card. She makes me use it when she comes to visit with my aunts. I think I’m getting screwed here.

Duggar, who is also apparently trying to get pregnant again (wat?), is even slut-shaming her littlest of little girls:

When the girls are little, they’re jumping and playing and not even thinking about modesty. It’s good because that’s the way children should be. As a parent I would have to remind them, let’s not stand upside down on your head in that chair because you want to practice being ladylike. And they look at me with this puzzled looked like, what does that mean? I’ll explain, well, it means that you sit up, put your knees together and pull your skirt down over your knees.

Teaching little girls to be afraid someone might see their underwear? Well, that’s not something that sounds completely insane at all! Let’s just roll with that one, shall we, parents? Remember, when your baby girl comes fresh out of the womb, don’t just let her sit there in the birthing suite all naked with her slutty umbilical cord flailing around. Make sure you get over there ASAP and tell that squirmy little hussy to cover up!

My daughters are also very into fashion; they are the cosmetologists and the beauty consultants for the family and they love it. They enjoy it. They call their style “modern modest.”

Oh well, I guess that beats my style, which I call ‘Ancient Slut.’

Occasionally, they’ll wear something that might not fit right and I’ll let them know. It’s not an argument, it’s more like, “Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that.”

“Mom. Hey, I found this crotchless latex catsuit with the nipples cut out. This is my choice I would like to share with you. Let’s have a discussion and not an argument about it. Thank you for appreciating that. You are just the best.”

The weirdest part about the whole damn post is that she wrote this in response to a question from a 19 Kids and Counting fan on Facebook: “How have you taught your daughters about modesty?” Seriously, who sits around Facebook going ‘Gee, never mind all these cat videos and simulated farming games I wonder how the Duggars are teaching their kids about modesty?’

*I am told they have nine daughters. My original figure may have been miscalculated.