Obama Will Sign Equal Pay Executive Orders Without Do-Nothing Congress

Tomorrow, the President will sign two executive orders designed to promote equal pay for women, bypassing the jowly obstructionist fuckos in Congress and once again reminding women in this crucial election year which major national party is the one that actually does stuff for women. At least, that’s the goal.

The first to bear Obama’s signature is a provision that bars federal contractors from retaliating against employees who share information about their salaries with each other, which according to the Huffington Post was inspired by paycheck fairness poster woman Lily Ledbetter, who didn’t ask to be paid more during her tenure at Goodyear because she didn’t know how much more than she was her male counterparts were making. The second executive order will require the same businesses to report their salary data to the federal government. In an ideal world, this means that the government can catch wage inequality in the businesses it pays to do stuff; in a cynic or libertarian’s view, this just means more paperwork for businesses to fill out and eventually be filed, via trained hamster, on an ancient fleet of PC’s in a drab government building that smells like wite out. Republicans, speaking against a bill currently in the Senate that would turn both executive orders into law, have noted that equal pay legislation would just create “more lawsuits,” which is a fun way to admit that businesses are probably paying women less in a way that’s egregious enough to merit legal action. Washington DC is such a hive of accomplishment and progress.

Whatever the results of the executive order, the President has made his intention to diminish the wage gap clear, and with these two orders he proves he’s serious about following through on his State of the Union promise to bypass Congress if he has to.

That being said, I’m taking bets now: which Fox host will be the first to call this #tyranny? And who will be the first to accuse Obama of using equal pay to distract from #Benghazi? My eye rolling muscles are ready.