For years, a biopic of Dolly Parton has been crawling over broken glass, attempting to escape development hell. Now it's come to our attention that somebody apparently thinks that Scarlett Johansson would be a great choice to play the country music legend. Let me stop you right there, Hollywood: No.
Dolly herself told People (via HuffPo):
"Well, you know what, I'm doing a musical of my life story — and I'm also doing a movie version!" she told People magazine. "When we started talking about a movie, people had mentioned Scarlett Johansson. I guess she's full bosomed."
She sounds lukewarm at best, yet the headline slapped on these remarks was: "Dolly Parton Wants 'Full Bosomed' Scarlett Johansson to Play Her in Movie." Sure, OK.
Even if it puts me in the uncomfortable position of appearing to disagree with Dolly, I must protest. Scarlett Johansson has been great as one of the Avengers, and Lucy actually looks pretty good. But breast size really isn't the best way to approach casting a movie. We totally have the technology to fake those! And ScarJo's entire persona is like anti-matter to the sunniness that's so much a part of Dolly Parton's public face.
Not to mention there is no way Scarlett Johansson could pull off sequins or fringe, and can you seriously see her spending more than five minutes in the presence of Kenny Rogers?
Or maybe Dolly, who's been in show business longer than many of us have been alive, simply understands that casually dropping the name of a star people love to argue about (idly examining one perfectly manicured nail all the while) is a great way to generate publicity for a project.
Besides, Drunk History has already produced the ultimate Dolly Parton biopic:
Photo via AP Images.